


Intensity

by Aearyn



Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: F/M, NSFW
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-01 05:39:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 63,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10181858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aearyn/pseuds/Aearyn
Summary: Ailis, a Jedi Consular and now Commander of the Eternal Alliance, tries to hide her feelings for her enemy-turned-ally, Arcann.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> *No NSFW in this chapter but will be incoming in later chapters, so be forewarned.*
> 
> Her name is pronounced "ay-lish", FYI :)

Ailis Vae sat on the edge of a wooded cliff overlooking Odessen, staring blindly out at the greenery surrounding the seat of the Eternal Alliance, her mane of pale hair whipping about in the breeze.

 It had been six months since Zakuul. Six months since Valkorion was finally eradicated. And still Arcann seemed…unapproachable.

They’d associated on Odessen in the same manner she did with most of her colleagues there – impersonally. Cordially, on her part, stoic on his (as he always was). They’d even shared a drink in the cantina once, but it had been awkward; she’d wanted everyone to see that he wasn’t someone to be afraid of, wanted to show her support for him. But everyone had given their table a wide berth, and he’d made some excuse to escape to his quarters after half an hour. 

And that was a week after she’d gotten the message from him.

_“I have you.”_

Clearly she had read more into it than she should have. Than anyone should – he was just thanking her for her support…and for not killing him, possibly. The connection that she imagined she had with him was nothing more than a figment, a filament of fantasy in a deluded mind. It was only because of her particular Force ability. She’d had this conversation with herself times beyond counting, but apparently some part of her still was not convinced.

_Her ability didn’t work that way,_ whispered a niggling voice…

She thought back to the day she’d discovered it, this useless feature of her Force sensitivity. It was the first time anyone had ever injured her with the Force; it was what had turned her hair from pale red to a blinding white. It was also what had revealed her to the Jedi as a Force-user, and landed her at Tython to undergo training.

Of course she’d known she had use of the Force, from a young age. At first her parents were proud, then a little apprehensive; they knew that most Force-users were taken to train as Jedi, and they weren’t sure how they felt about this. At age 9, they’d given her a choice. If she wanted to train as a Jedi, and leave her life behind, then she could go along as she was, not hiding anything from anyone. If she didn’t, she would have to be more circumspect about her use of the Force.

Ailis was very close to her parents, and her younger sister Aoife; she had no intention of leaving them behind for some enclave full of strangers, to learn things she wasn’t even sure she agreed with. She’d read some things about Jedi on the holonet, and while she admired the good they did (as much as she could do, as a child), she honestly thought they sounded terribly dull.

So she hid her use of the Force, only relying on it in times of need – for healing, or protection, and only in private. Her nearest neighbors were friends of the family, and if they knew where her skills at healing originated, they weren’t about to mention it.  Things went swimmingly until her 19th summer, when a Jedi came to her town, looking for some Mirialan artifact. He was followed closely by a Sith, searching for the same thing, and eagerly anticipating the opportunity to kill the Jedi for it.

She and her sister were in the ruins gathering some herbs that only grew near there, when the Jedi appeared, having walked from the village. All Ailis could think was that she’d been right – Jedi _were_ dull. He was medium height, medium build, he could have been handsome if he smiled…but his voice carried little inflection, his face held little or no emotion, and even his gestures were lackluster. How some of the children idolized Jedi was beyond her. Then again, maybe he wasn’t the best example – she shouldn’t judge the whole order by one man…

Suddenly Ailis snapped to attention. She could sense something; something…not right. In the wood, behind them. She’d never felt anything like it before, and she couldn’t put her finger on it, but she didn’t like it. She whipped around, scanning the trees. Her sister was perplexed, but knew that Ailis could sometimes sense things she could not, and she broke off her conversation with the Jedi to stare into the trees as well. The Jedi’s hand went to beneath his robes, and he stepped past them, to stand between them and the trees, pulling out his lightsaber. Aoife’s eyes widened and she took a step back.

“You two should run home. NOW.” He glanced back at them with slight impatience.

It was too late for them to run. The air began to crackle with electricity. The Sith walked out of the trees, his dark robes rustling in the wind created by his Force-storm.  He was tall and thin, his gaunt face riddled with dark veins.

Ailis immediately stepped in front of Aoife; she had no idea if she could protect her from this, but she would damn well try. Out of the three of them, Aoife was the one who was defenseless.

She saw her mistake immediately. The Sith’s pale yellow eyes narrowed, and he smiled. She’d never seen anything more sinister in her life. He extended one bony hand, lightning playing over it, and suddenly Aoife was lifted off the ground, grasping at her neck, gasping.

The Jedi ran forward, his lightsaber raised, but the Sith used his other hand to direct a bolt of lightning directly at him, and he fell to the ground for a moment, twitching.

All this happened within a few seconds; Ailis felt like time had slowed to a crawl, but suddenly reality gushed back in at full speed and Ailis realized that her sister was being murdered right next to her. Her protective instincts went into overdrive, and she pulled the Force into herself, sucking it in like a deep breath of cold air, and shoved it out in front of her towards the Sith.

The Jedi’s robes fluttered as the wave passed over him, where he lay on the ground, just beginning to get past the effects of the Sith’s assault.

The smile was wiped from the Sith’s face as the Force wave hit him square in the chest, knocking him backwards 10 feet and slamming him into a tree, his breath leaving him with a whoosh.

Aoife dropped to the ground, coughing, but mostly unharmed.

The Jedi was getting to his knees, shaking off the lingering paralysis, glancing at her with eyebrows drawn, then heading toward the Sith. But somehow Ailis knew he was no match for his opponent; she could sense a lot more raw power radiating from the Sith, who was struggling to rise.

It was possible they weren’t going to get out of this.

She reached down and touched her sister’s head, channeling the Force down and over her sister to act as a shield. She wasn’t sure how long it would last, if her concentration was withdrawn, but it was the best she could do for now.

She stepped forward as the Sith and the Jedi came to blows. The Sith had pulled out his own lightsaber, which glowed a raw, ugly red. As she suspected, although the Jedi was a talented fighter (at least from her limited experience), he was no match for the sheer strength of his opponent. He was barely able to parry the blows directed at him; there was no way he would defeat him unless he had a lot more tricks up his loose brown sleeve.

The Sith’s eyes narrowed at her approach. The Jedi, seeing an opening, lunged with his lightsaber…

Only to be caught under the arm by the Sith’s red light. Ailis stared, horrified, as the hateful beam pierced through the Jedi, emerging through the back of his robe, smoke rising from the burned fabric.  As the Jedi fell to his knees, the Sith planted a foot on his chest and kicked him away.

Then he turned toward her, the dark smile back on his face.

Her heart pounded with fear. But there was no one there to save her; the Jedi had fallen, she had to defend herself. She had no training, and minimal experience, but she had to, because if she went down, there was no one to protect her sister.

She drew on the Force once more as she stopped about 15 feet in front of the Sith. She set her arm in front of her like a shield, and projected the Force around her in a sort of invisible bubble.

The Sith laughed.

Now she was getting angry. How dare he toy with people’s lives, treat it as a game? Perhaps she shouldn’t get angry – wasn’t that what Sith did? Feed off dark emotions? But she couldn’t help herself. Her eyebrows lowered, and she set her jaw. He clearly thought she was some yokel with minimal control over the Force; perhaps he was right, if only a little.  She’d never used the Force in the way she was about to use it. Honestly didn’t know if she COULD. But if she was lucky, she’d wipe the smile off this bastard’s face.

He raised his lightsaber and came at her. She deflected the strike with her Force shield, but she wasn’t prepared for the power, or the technique, behind it.  The shield wobbled and shimmered, and before she could get it back in place again, he’d whipped around and directed a downward slash directly at her face. She reared back but felt the hot beam cutting into her skin, cauterizing as it went. Thankfully this meant only a little blood got into her eye. She only had a millisecond to realize that the fact she could still see meant she hadn’t lost her eye.

He came at her again. Desperate, she threw more energy and willpower into the Force Shield. He battered away at it, draining her stamina. He got around her shield twice more, searing first her left arm and then her right. The pain was starting to daze her. If only he’d come in a little closer, she thought…

And then she realized they’d backed up to where her sister sat on the ground, crying. Why hadn’t she run away? Ailis wondered desperately.  She didn’t have time to wonder any further as the Sith made to go around her and go after her sister.

This time she went on the offensive, bashing him in the back with the shield as he neared her sister’s shaking form. He turned, just as she’d intended.

She focused the shield to a small area the size of a dinner plate – she could manage no more. And as he realized that the edges of the shield were withdrawing around her, he smiled again, closing in.

And she released Force-spikes from her shield, impaling him right through the chest.

But he didn’t die immediately, as she’d been sure he would. His eyes grew wide, and his smile changed to a snarl. He got his actual hands around her throat and began using his waning strength as well as the Force to choke the life out of her, before his could be extinguished.

She had protected her sister so far, and she was not about to let this maniac kill her now. She reached within and without all at once, gathering the Force from all around. The weight of it made her sink to her knees, the Sith still clutching her neck. His blood was all over both of them now. But she couldn’t think about that. Her vision was starting to dim. She closed her eyes, collected the Force inside her, and then pulsed it outward with as much strength as she could muster.

The hands left her throat as she slumped to the ground, her energy spent. The Sith’s body lay motionless 20 feet away. She opened her eyes and saw her sister crawling towards her. She was dragging her left foot – apparently she’d been injured when she dropped from the Sith’s chokehold. That’s why she hadn’t been able to run, Ailis thought distractedly. That was why…

When she’d come to, after 3 days in an exhausted coma, her hair had been completely white. The healers in town had patched up the would on her forehead as best they could, but she could tell it wasn’t pretty. If she tried very hard, she could heal it herself, make it less noticeable. But she didn’t want to. She didn’t want to forget what had happened.

She’d gone to Tython three weeks later and undertaken Jedi training. While she felt that much of the Jedi code was an oversimplification, she did believe that the Jedi did good in most cases, and they were the only ones who could teach her what she needed to know: how to properly defend the weak and helpless.

Ailis came back to the present with a start, letting her hand fall to her lap from where it had been touching the scar that still ran from her forehead to her cheek.

Another presence had distracted her from her mind’s wandering. Another Force user who had grievously injured her, on more than one occasion, and whose presence was now just a low thrum of background noise almost all the time, whenever they were on the same planet. But now she felt his presence drawing closer to her, before she heard his footsteps on the grass behind her, almost silent.

“Commander.”  As always, his voice sent a thrill of something raw through her, something she couldn’t quite define. Something almost…primal. She pushed it down and made to stand.

“Please, do not. I will sit.” She cocked an eyebrow at him as he knelt in the grass to her left, white clothing notwithstanding.

“Zakuulan fabric doesn’t get grass stains, I take it?” she teased, trying desperately to use humor to cover the reaction she had to his proximity.

“It’s not that; the grass fears to anger me.”

She stared at him for a full three seconds before emitting a crack of laughter. She honestly didn’t know he could joke. His mouth turned up slightly at the corners.

“You have a rather raucous laugh for a Jedi, Commander.” Ailis prepared to take offense. “I rather enjoy it.”

And there went her heart again, uncomfortably fluttering. She felt more stupid than a lovesick Mirialan teenager, and that was saying a lot. Who would read a flirt into an extremely mild (not to mention dubious) compliment like that? She sighed, her frustration with herself making it much louder than she intended.

“I apologize if that was too familiar…”

“On the contrary!” She blurted out. She closed her eyes and took a breath, started again. “On the contrary, I wish you would let your guard down more often, so I can—so people can see you as a person, rather than ‘Big Scary Emperor Arcann’.” There, she’d successfully interjected humor back into her voice.

 “I’m not sure I care how ‘people’ see me,” Arcann mused, still staring out at Odessen’s vistas. “You, however…yes, I would very much like you to see me as a person.”

She ought to be able to calm herself more easily after all those years of Jedi training. She was the Alliance Commander, she reminded herself. And he was one of the most powerful members of the Alliance. Of course he would not wish for them to be at odds, maybe he even wished for them to develop a more friendly relationship. For the sake of the Alliance. She was thankful that her dark golden skin mostly hid the flush that suffused her cheeks; she’d seen humans blushing, and had always pitied them a little that their embarrassment (or any other heightened emotion) was so plain on their face, impossible to hide.

She cleared her throat, determined not to make an ass of herself.

“Well, you should come with me on another mission. You haven’t accompanied me since the first days of the Alliance, when several of us went to help some of the planets affected by the war.”

“That’s why I’m here, actually. Lana told me you were headed to Yavin 4 later today, to meet a contact of Dr. Oggurobb’s. Would you allow me to join you?” Now he turned to look at her, his cerulean eyes even more devastating to her composure than his words. She had to pull herself together; she couldn’t go the rest of her life getting flustered because one person spoke completely normal words in her general direction, or glanced at her with perfectly normal eyes. Perfectly. Normal.

Thankfully her Jedi training was serving her in good stead; her inner turmoil was barely reflected in her voice. “Absolutely. Please do.  Lana and I plan to leave just after midday —“

“Actually,” he interrupted, “Lana told me she is unable to go due to some issue that has arisen with the Sith Empress, that she feels she should attend to herself.”

This time she couldn’t keep her breath from becoming a little more shallow, a little more labored. Her head was instantly flooded with images of all the nonsense she could get up to in a ship alone with the object of her…

_Of your what?_ She asked herself sternly. Her former enemy turned ally, that was all. _Stop embarrassing yourself._

Her voice was only slightly breathless as she answered. “Very well. I’ll see you at my ship in a few hours. I should go…I should go prepare.” She jumped up from her seated position and ran lightly down the hill, promising herself it wasn’t her own mind she was running from.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Admissions lead to unexpected results as Arcann and the Commander take a trip to Yavin 4...

Four hours later, Ailis paced in front of her ship. She could feel him approaching; she dreaded and longed for his appearance. Her feelings had been mostly under control until this morning. She couldn’t help but sneer at herself – she’d practically fallen at his feet, given the slightest encouragement (and it wasn’t even intentional encouragement, it was merely an offer of friendship, so they could get to know one another and be more capable allies). She stopped in her tracks, a horrible thought metaphorically slapping her in the face. What if this was why the Jedi weren’t supposed to get into relationships? Because they just couldn’t control themselves and lost all pretense of sense and rationality?

No, that was silly. She’d seen other Jedi who HAD been in relationships, happily and normally, just like any other person. It was just her. She was utterly stupid to let her unfounded feelings interfere with her life in this way.

Arcann drew closer. She would have to tell him. About her ‘gift’. Perhaps she could use it as an excuse for any odd behavior from her – if she could make him believe that the two were related. Well, they were, she stubbornly insisted to herself; just not in the way she was going to explain to him. If she didn’t tell him, even when they were traveling together, things were bound to come up that would seem odd. Almost all Force-users could sense the general mood of people nearby. But she could sense more than that, and from much farther away, especially with concentration. But only with certain people. Lying about it now would just make it awkward later if Lana told him, or if he found out some other way.

She’d never actually had to tell anyone about it that was affected by it. Among those who’d attacked her, many couldn’t get a blow in, Force or otherwise, so that ruled them out. Of those who had managed to wound her with the Force, most were dead. Master Syo, formerly of the Jedi Council, was still living, but she doubted she’d ever be face to face with him again. Arcann was the only one she’d ever had this particular situation with.

Hopefully he’d be the last – it was damned awkward, even aside from her (probably unrelated) feelings.

He was walking down the dock to the ship; she sensed...was he hesitant?

“Commander.” He paused.

“Is something amiss?” She searched his face, which was impassive as usual, giving away nothing of what he was thinking.

“I do not wish to force my presence on you. If you are…uncomfortable traveling with me, I will understand.”

Well that wasn’t what she expected. Maybe she should tell him even more than she’d planned – maybe she should admit how she felt, to avoid him taking her flustered reaction to him the wrong way. But she couldn’t, there was no way she could admit that to him. She had to blame it on her talent; that would have to suffice.

“Quite the opposite, I look forward to it. If I seem…agitated, there is another reason for it. But I’ll explain to you once we’re underway.”

Accepting this lie (oh, he made her uncomfortable alright – she thanked the stars that there was no visible proof of just _how_ uncomfortable), he boarded the ship, and she followed.

Once they were settled, and the coordinates plotted and hyperdrive engaged, Ailis turned in her seat to face him. “So.” He raised an eyebrow. She cleared her throat. “Let’s head to the galley, I could use a drink.”

His eyebrow rose even higher.

“Look, I have to tell you something rather weird and awkward about myself, so I’d appreciate it if you’d indulge me here. Not to mention we’ve got several hours until we reach our destination.”

“Far be it from me to deny you, Commander.”

“OK, first of all, you don’t need to call me Commander in private,” she admonished as they walked toward the back of the ship, where more comfortable seats surrounded the galley area.  “I mean, if we’re getting to know one another, you should use my name.”

“As you wish, Ailis.”

She almost tripped over herself. Her name, spoken in that voice, was just about more than she could handle. She put a hand on the wall to stead herself, and swallowed. Kept walking. He didn’t seem to notice.

After what seemed like years, she made it to the cold storage locker in which she’d stored a hoard of T'ill-t'iil, among other things. The sparkling green beverage was her favorite, and although she didn’t drink often, she definitely made sure it was on hand in case the need arose. And she would definitely classify this situation as a “need”.

She grabbed two glasses out of another cabinet, raised the bottle in Arcann’s direction. He shook his head. “I doubt you have any Zakuulan brandy, so I’ll pass, thank you.”

“Well aren’t you sophisticated,” she teased. “As a matter of fact,” she added, rummaging through yet another cabinet, “I do have a bottle of Cassandran brandy, which has to rival anything you have in Zakuul.”

“Your ship is certainly well-supplied with the necessities…”

“I do like to keep my priorities straight.” She poured a measure of the dark red brandy into a glass and handed it to him, then popped the cork on her T'ill-t'iil and slowly filled her own glass.

She sank back into the cushions of the lounger, leaning against one arm and draping her feet over the other, and took a few liberal gulps of her bubbly beverage, bracing herself. Arcann sat in the seat across from her, a few feet away, in what she assumed was his most casual pose – knees apart, elbows on knees, hands cradling his glass. Something about this struck her – there was no reason to think he was letting his guard down, but his body language (and maybe her sense of him) was telling her that’s what was happening.

Well, the best way to encourage that, she supposed, was to let her guard down in return.

“So…you may have noticed that I’m a bit…flustered, around you.”

“I shouldn’t be surprised – many have that reaction. I imagine feeling edgy around someone who tried to violently take over the galaxy isn’t really a stretch.” He was staring into his brandy, which he swished around in his glass. Finally, he raised it to his nose, then closed his eyes and tossed back half the glass. Ailis just stared. Was it possible that he, too, was feeling nervous?

She took her feet from the side of the lounger, straightened in her seat so she could look at him properly, and crossed her legs one over the other. “That has nothing to do with it. I mean, I guess indirectly it does, but...” Don’t ramble, idiot. “Whatever you did then, you’ve changed a great deal, as anyone can see. You’ve been a great help to the Alliance. Most of us are glad to have you on board, and the rest…well, the rest should bring any complaints to me in person and I will be happy to straighten them out.”

Maybe she’d been a little too emphatic. Arcann was looking at her strangely.

“Anyway, I’m not _scared_ of you, if that’s what you’re implying. That’s just silly.”

“Perhaps you should be.” The strange glint was still in his eye, and he had leaned forward, so they were only a foot or two apart. She normally couldn’t sense anything specific of what he was feeling, despite her gift, probably due to his own proficiency with the Force. Usually that’s how she wanted it. Right now, she desperately wanted a peek inside his head. But it wouldn’t be right or fair; in fact, it would be downright rude.

She swallowed. “Don’t be ridiculous. You’ve saved my life several times, and clearly demonstrated your support for the Alliance. Why would I be afraid of you?”

Warring voices in her head silently urged him to answer, or begged him not to, respectively.

“I’ve also tried to kill you multiple times. Practically did kill you, on Asylum.”

“That was before. And the fact that we’ve injured one another in combat,” she stressed the “one another” part to remind him she’d also participated, he hadn’t attacked a defenseless woman, “leads me to what I wanted to tell you. I have this…ability. It’s quite stupid, and utterly useless. But it does affect how I…react to people. Or it can, I guess – I don’t have much experience with this exact situation.” She told him briefly of her encounter with the Sith when she was young, and how she’d become a Jedi as a direct result.

She glanced up at him, gauging his interest in her story so far. His brow was lowered, and there was an angry light in his eye. Why would he be angry about this? She asked him, but wasn't really prepared for his reply. 

 “You wouldn’t understand. Commander.” She flinched slightly at the formality he’d reverted to. Had she said something wrong, something to cause him to distance himself again? She was at a loss. But she decided to continue her explanation; maybe she could get something out of him afterward.

“Ok…well…when the Sith came back to track me down, I found out that I had some sort of odd connection with him.”

“He returned? I thought you’d killed him?” He seemed almost…anxious about her answer.

“As did I, but he wasn’t quite dead, and had been undergoing healing for many months, and then made it his mission to track me down, to enact his revenge. Needless to say, it didn’t work; I was much more skilled in using the Force by that point, of course. However, even more than that, I somehow sensed the Sith before he’d gotten anywhere near. He was still miles away when I felt his presence like a reedy hiss in my ear, and somehow I knew it was him, even though at that time I thought him dead. I was able to ensure no one else was around to act as collateral damage in our second battle. Not much of a battle, really; the connection I mentioned made it seem like he broadcast his moves as surely as a holonet recording, and we’d barely crossed lightsabers for two minutes before he was on the ground, my lightsaber at his throat. Of course, he wouldn’t agree to be taken prisoner, and made to come after me again, forcing me to kill him.” She paused for a moment here, remembering.  She didn’t regret it; she knew there were some Imperials, and even some Sith, who weren’t inherently evil, and could even, at a stretch, change their minds about things. But he wasn’t one of them.

“In any case, that was the first instance where I noticed an odd Force-connection to someone, and over the years I discovered that…anyone who injures me with the Force, I end up with some sort of link to. I can…sense them, even when far away. And if I concentrate, I can tell what they’re feeling, sometimes. And there are other…side effects. But that’s the gist of it.” She blew out her breath and swallowed the rest of her drink before raising her eyes again, almost afraid to see what look would be on his face now.

There was no expression; he was once again impassive. But the angry tone of his voice had disappeared when he replied.

“That is quite interesting. I’ve heard of a few people with the Force-gift of being able to …read minds, if you will. But not in the context of having been injured.”

“Yes. Like I said, pretty useless. Almost everyone who I would have been able to read with this ‘talent’ is dead, anyway.” She chuckled weakly, trying to lighten the mood. “But it’s even stronger than usual with you…now I have no problem tuning out the feelings that come across this connection, but when I was younger it would have been much more difficult for me.”

“Likely because of how many times and how severely I’ve injured you.” The dark look came back to his face. “I am not sure how you can forgive me for that.” He tossed back the rest of his brandy.

“Is there anything I can say to you that will help us move past that?”

His eyes flew to hers, startled. “I…I am not sure.” He reached for the brandy bottle, poured a measure into his glass, took a large swallow, and then started again. “I appreciate the trust you have shown me by telling me something so personal. The reason I wanted to come with you today…is so that I could try to earn _your_ trust. But at every turn I am conflicted.”

She controlled her breathing with difficulty. “I already trust you. How are you conflicted?”

“You have no idea…” He transferred his glass to his cybernetic hand, ran his right hand across his face. “Perhaps we should continue this conversation another time.”

Accepting that this might be a little much to fully explore during their first real conversation in months, she resigned herself to leaving it at that. “Well, it will be another hour before we reach Yavin 4. I’m…going to go meditate, if you don’t mind.” She just needed an excuse to put a little distance between them, get her composure back…

“Actually,” he replied, hesitantly, “I was wondering if you might…teach me a little of your Jedi meditation.”

Her heart somehow sank and soared simultaneously. She couldn’t deny him. And given what he’d been through, and the tortured expressions she’d caught on his face once or twice, he was in dire need of a little serenity. And if she were honest with herself, right now, so was she.

“Of course. I would be happy to.”

“I do not wish to intrude on something personal, if that’s what it is…”

“It does not need to be; there is nothing inherently private about it, except that in some situations one must be alone in order to fully clear one’s mind. But I can share some of the technique with you, it is very helpful in times of…great stress.”

It occurred to her that, from what she’d gathered from Valkorion’s hateful reminiscences and Senya’s stories, his entire life seemed to have been a time of great stress. She had undergone many stressful situations herself, but there had been months, sometimes years, of peace in between. No one had been manipulating her from the time she was a child, trying to twist her into some monstrosity for his own amusement. She hadn’t accidentally killed her sister in a rage – just the thought of that caused a sick feeling in her gut. What must he have gone through? If only she could get him to open up to her…but she shouldn’t pose herself as his therapist; she was just an acquaintance, an ally, yes but she had no right to expect any more of him.

She resolved to put these things out of her mind as she led him to her quarters. Then it hit her like a ton of Tattooine sand – she couldn’t bring him to her quarters! Just because that’s where she normally meditated, she’d headed there without thinking. But there was nowhere else comfortable on the ship, and trying to get someone inexperienced to meditate while sitting on the hard floor was a task she didn’t wish to undertake right now.

She cast about in her mind and settled on the fitness bay downstairs. As soon as Tharan Cedrax had left the ship for greener pastures, she’d converted it from his quarters and lab into a studio where the rest of the crew could get exercise on long voyages, and where she could dance, which was a practice she adhered to almost as much as meditation as a means to bring inner peace. At least there were mats on the floor that they could sit on, which would feel _much_ less private than sitting on her own bed.

 “I apologize for the accommodations, but it’s the best I can do on short notice.” She smiled at him and sat on the floor, crossing her legs in front of her. She gestured for him to sit across from her, and he kneeled, a few feet away.

“You’ll have to…you’ll have to be a little closer than that, as it will be easier for me to share the meditation process with you if we can maintain physical contact,” she blurted in a rush.

The right corner of his mouth turned up again in that slight smirk.

How the hell was she supposed to meditate under these circumstances? This had been a terrible mistake. She was going to pass along all her apprehensions and hormonal uproar across their connection and he was going to know exactly what she was thinking and –

 _STOP IT_ , she told herself sternly. _You’ve been through some horrible things, you’ve managed to survive in some really questionable circumstances, touching the hands of a person you have a crush on is a ridiculous thing to have a mental breakdown about._

Taking a deep breath and trying her damnedest to heed her own advice, she held out her right hand, palm up. Arcann obediently laid his own right hand on top of hers. It was the first physical contact they’d had since…well, since he’d stopped wanting to kill her. Her heart hammered in her chest, so hard she thought surely he could hear it, even if he couldn’t feel her racing pulse where their hands touched.

She drew upon the force, concentrating on peace in her head, willing her heart to stop pounding. It slowed obediently, and she let out a sigh of relief.

“Does your Force ability really make it that difficult for you? If so, we should stop, I don’t wish to cause you unnecessary turmoil.”

She cringed. She couldn’t maintain this lie. She’d always hated lying; had done it on occasion because it was necessary, but not with someone she cared about. And she needed to admit it to herself – she did care for him. It might be stupid and irrational, but it was the truth.

He sensed her hesitation. Withdrew his hand.

“I’m sorry. It’s not your fault. And it’s not really…” She closed her eyes briefly, then opened them again, forced herself to look straight at him. At the scars that marred what once must have been a terribly handsome face; he still was handsome, to her. His piercing blue eyes looked…confused, searching, haunted…so many emotions. But he kept so much of it inside, kept it to himself. How she wished he’d let her be a part of whatever was going on inside his head. But that was being pretentious. She was nothing to him; and when she told him the truth about how she felt, she might end up less than nothing. Hopefully he could agree to ignore it; then they could go on existing as allies and nothing more. Her heartsick mooning notwithstanding. It was possible that he would be disgusted, or offended, or who knew what else. But she had to be honest.

“It’s not really my Force ability that’s causing problems for me, Arcann. I have...I have inappropriate feelings. For you.”

There, she’d done it.

“You can’t be serious.” Arcann’s brow had lowered; he looked, not precisely angry, but rather on the way to it. He stood, and she rose with him.

“I realize it’s quite ridiculous, and please believe I don’t think you’ve given me any encouragement, it’s just this irrational fixation that I have, and I am truly sorry to even have to mention it to you, but I couldn’t keep lying, telling you it was my ability…“ She was rambling now but she couldn’t help it, she wanted so badly to explain to him, to ensure he didn’t hate her. At best, he probably thought she was a failure as the Alliance Commander (what kind of ruler randomly fell in love with their allies for no reason whatsoever? It showed a distinct lack of character).

He closed the distance between them. Took her left hand, this time staring down at it. She didn’t really know what was happening, but at least he hadn’t lashed out at her in anger.

“You’re...telling the truth.” His voice was…surprised?

“I…yes, and I apologize for lying to you before. I mean, I was telling the truth about my ability, but that’s not…that’s not why…” she trailed off, unable to concentrate. He was so close to her, she could feel the heat coming off of him. Could smell his unique scent. He still held her hand, presumably so he could gauge her truthfulness somehow.

But then his thumb moved over the back of her hand. For several seconds she suffered through the painful dichotomy of a raucously pounding heart and a held breath, fearing to break whatever spell was causing him to behave like this. Perhaps she was dreaming? If she could just avoid breathing for a few more moments, maybe she wouldn’t wake up…

His eyes finally rose from her hand to her face. His gaze bore into her, and she couldn’t look away; suddenly she strongly felt the pounding of her heartbeat in areas other than her chest.

“I was right,” he murmured. “It does go both ways.”

He took her hand and placed it over his chest, where she could feel his heart hammering in the exact same manner as hers.

“If this is what happens when I _don’t_ encourage you, I suppose I’ll have to start doing so…” Her eyes widened in shock as he brought his hand up to slip behind her neck, underneath her hair, almost gingerly, as if he too was afraid to shatter the spell they were under. She thought perhaps she would disintegrate from the strength of the emotions roiling through her. He didn’t hate her! Far from hating her, he seemed to be…returning her advances? Had she even made advances? It didn’t matter – his proximity was more than she could have ever wished for, his warm hand on her neck a sublime gift.

His other hand, with which he seemed loath to touch her bare skin, moved slowly to encircle her waist, pulling her closer to him, until finally, after an eternity of anticipation, he leaned down and brushed his lips across hers.

The spell that had been holding her still did shatter then; she sighed longingly into his mouth, raised her right hand to his face, tried to deepen the kiss. For one blissful moment he allowed his hand to tangle in her hair, seemed to welcome her reaction, but then—

Almost immediately he broke away; his cybernetic hand left her waist to grab her right wrist. He stepped back, his face a roil of emotions, uppermost of which seemed to be shame and disgust.

“What’s wrong?” She asked hesitantly, even more confused than before.

“How can you even look at me? What kind of feelings could you possibly have for someone who tried to kill you? Much less…” He dropped her hand as if it scalded him, stepped back even farther. “You have no idea what I am,” he snarled. “If you were sane, you wouldn’t be able to stand my presence, much less have me mauling you like some monster in a holovid!”

 Her mouth dropped open. How could he go from an almost-passionate kiss to such self-loathing in a matter of seconds? “You are NOT a monster! And I AM sane, and I DO care about you! If you don’t want anything to do with me, that’s your prerogative, but you will not tell me how to feel!” She closed the distance between them again. “There are a lot of things you could say to me to make me stay away, Arcann. You can tell me that you want to work out your own issues without me complicating things. You could tell me that you’re uninterested, and my feelings would be hurt, but I wouldn’t argue. But if you’re trying to tell me that you can’t kiss me back because you’re scarred, that is not a sufficient excuse, and I will not accept it!”

He stared at her, his eyes still angry but now a little shocked as well. This was why she made a terrible Jedi, she thought. Jedi didn’t lose their tempers. They also didn’t lose their grip on their hormones. But she hadn’t considered herself part of the Order for quite some time now, so she wasn’t going to waste another thought on it now.

Arcann’s anger seemed to be melting away as fast as it had flared. ”I apologize for that outburst. But you cannot understand…” he ran his right hand over his close-cropped hair. ”I told you earlier I was conflicted. I am even more so now. How can I touch you with these hands, when I remember that I used them to hurt you only a year ago? How can I trust myself? What if I hurt you again? I cannot allow that.”

As she watched, she could see his stoic mask sliding back into place. She wanted desperately to prevent that, but she didn’t know how. She could feel a reality that she had never dared to let herself think might be possible slipping away. His cold façade was back in place within a few moments, and she had no idea how to counter it.

“Is that one of the things I can say to you to make you stay away?” He asked flatly.

She thought she might cry. She sighed instead. She wouldn’t give up, but perhaps this wasn’t the best time to push the issue. They should reach Yavin 4 soon, anyway, and she needed to get her emotions under control before she emerged from the ship.

“No. And we’ll continue this conversation later.” And she turned and hurried to her chambers for some actual meditation.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The temperature is rising between Arcann and the Commander as they try to continue their mission on Yavin 4

It was early morning on Yavin when they landed. After making contact on the surface of the planet, Ailis was told they’d have to take a speeder to the opposite side of the forest, to meet up with Dr. Oggurobb’s contact, Talos Drellik. Since the trip took over an hour even by speeder, and she wasn’t sure what she’d find when she arrived, she grabbed some food and water from the ship and stowed it in the front compartment of her bike. She also kept a minimal change of clothes in her pack whenever she was doing any planetside missions; after her incident with Empress Acina, she wanted to be prepared if she ever got stranded somewhere again. That had been one of the unlikeliest things she could think of – becoming stranded in the backwater regions outside a densely populated city. She’d only been stuck for about two days on that occasion, but it could have been worse. One never knew what might happen.

Arcann had changed out of his usual all-white ensemble; she thought this was the first time she’d seen him wearing anything else. He’d emerged from the ship in dark grey pants and a shirt that showed a little more of what was underneath than she was used to. Well, wasn’t that just lovely – yet another distraction she could lay at his door.

Ensuring that she had the coordinates plotted correctly in her datapad, they set off. Yavin 4 was actually quite a lovely planet as long as you avoided hostiles. During this season, it was hot, but not unpleasantly so; the sun shone down through the rainforest foliage, creating dappled shadows over the path they followed. She’d once owned some property here, back before her stint in carbonite. She hadn’t thought about that for years – what if she still did own it? Maybe she should look into it while they were there.

Her half hour of meditation had actually restored a little peace to her tormented mind and body, but she was glad there was no need for conversation during the ride out. Arcann had scarcely said two words to her since their…encounter on the ship, but she wasn’t giving up. Now that she knew he harbored some sort of feelings for her too, she just had to figure out a way to change his mind about…well, she wasn’t sure exactly. But they would figure it out. She was determined.

They reached their destination without incident; Talos Drellik was rather friendly for an Imperial, and requested her to help him get some artifacts from a site he and his team were attempting to study. Apparently the local Massassi were more than his few soldiers could handle; it didn’t seem like a difficult task, and she always preferred to start off on the right foot with new allies for the Eternal Alliance. Drellik didn’t bat an eye at Arcann – either he was supremely well-mannered, or he remained woefully ignorant of galactic news. She didn’t care either way; she just appreciated not having to defend her companion’s presence. She agreed to help him, and she and Arcann left their speeders at the camp and set off toward the ruin.

They spent two hours battling through the Massassi that were patrolling the area near the artifact, only to get inside and find some sort of puzzle, which they had to solve by moving blocks between pillars of different sizes. After a couple mishaps with the blocks nearly got them sliced in two by traps in the ruin, the completed puzzle caused a pedestal to rise up in the center, holding a small chest. The chest popped open, revealing a medallion, which they took to Talos Drellik.

Drellik was fascinated; however, the medallion wasn’t the thing he was after. Apparently, they’d need to take the medallion to yet another ruin, which was another hour’s travel by speeder. Drellik seemed loath to put them out so, but Ailis wasn’t too concerned about it; it wasn’t even noon yet. She’d certainly seen the worst Yavin 4 had to offer, when she’d battled Revan here some years ago, so she wasn’t worried about the wildlife either. They set off again, this time on the speeders, in search of yet another pre-Sith artifact.

***

Of course. Of course this would happen – when in her life had things just gone normally? She would have preferred they got into some sort of scrape she could fight her way out of; a gang of deranged Massassi perhaps, or some very angry ginxes. But no, it had to be the speeders. She wasn’t great with gadgets – they seemed to malfunction around her at an alarming rate. Arcann was clearly more adept with these types of things, or so she surmised as he expertly began a diagnostic check on one of the bikes; she thought about asking him where he’d come across these kinds of skills, but was afraid to get rebuffed yet again, just like every other conversational foray she’d attempted with him today. Instead she decided to do something useful by making a holocall to Drellik, to let him know they’d be delayed in returning.

But naturally, her holocom wouldn’t function properly either. She couldn’t bring up anyone – it just beeped infuriatingly and refused to do anything useful. She almost threw it, but satisfied herself with stuffing it violently back into her bag.

“The bikes have been tampered with,” he pronounced as he closed the fuse compartment. “Both of them, in the same way.”

“How is that even possible, we rode out here without an issue and there doesn’t seem to be a soul for miles!” They were still hours away from the main camp, even by speeder, having progressed further and further into the forest on what she was beginning to think was a wild sleen chase.

“They were damaged before we left, but in such a way that it would take several hours of driving to cause the lines to fully break. We were meant to get stranded out here.” He was staring at her, in what she interpreted as an accusatory manner.

“Well this is quite becoming a habit of mine, isn’t it? Ride off into the woods with a dangerous Force-user, transportation breaks down, and wait, is that an assassin I see behind that tree?” She turned away from him and removed her pack from her bike, successfully avoiding yanking it in a childish display of anger.

When she turned around, he’d moved right behind her; she couldn’t help emitting a small gasp in her surprise.

“I apologize if it seemed like I was insinuating this was your fault. I hardly think you would want to be stranded in the woods with me; that would be ridiculous.” His glacial blue eyes bored into her.

“Yes,” she agreed breathlessly, “completely ridiculous.”

They stood there for what felt like an eternity. Finally, he spoke.

“I am sorry, Ailis.” The way he said her name sent a shiver across her skin. “I have been too harsh with you today. What happened before…I cannot blame you for that, the fault lies with me. But it must not happen again.”

She wanted to scream. But she chose her words carefully, dreading the moment when he shut down again.

“I appreciate your apology Arcann. But…neither of us is to blame for what happened. I understand that you feel there is something wrong with…us, and how we feel. How _I_ feel, I should say.” She watched his face, wary of his sudden changes of mood, hoping she could get through to him. “I admit, it is an odd situation, given our…history. But I will not deny how I feel about you, and I want you to know…” She felt her face heating up, as it so often did when she spoke to him; even now that she knew her feelings weren’t 100 percent one-sided. She couldn’t look at him as she said it: “I want you to know that I _very_ much wish it would happen again.”

Almost before the words left her mouth, his lips were on hers. He closed the small distance between them, and his hand went behind her head, delved into her hair. She ran her hands up his back, clinging to him, unwilling to let him retreat, not this time.

She had never felt anything like the fire he awoke in her veins when he kissed her. He took her lip lightly between his teeth, ran his tongue along it, and she couldn’t prevent a noise of animal satisfaction in her throat. Hearing it, he tightened his grip, pulled slightly on her hair, leaning her head back so he could trace kisses down her neck.

Her desire for him was so profound it felt like her soul cried out for him; she reached for his face, desperate to have his lips on hers again. He returned, deepening the kiss, now with his hand on the side of her face, brushing back her hair. He held her against him so tightly now, she could feel that his reaction to her was easily as strong as hers to him.

This revelation only served to heighten her need, and she arched her back, molding herself to him so tightly that his arousal pressed painfully against her abdomen. A sort of growl rumbled in his chest; without warning he reached down and grabbed both her thighs, setting her on the edge of the speeder they’d been leaning against, hitching her legs up around him. He pressed against her again, and she gasped as his length put just the right amount of pressure in just the right place, shocked that she could feel it so well even though her clothes. Immediately understanding her response, he pushed against her again, and she whimpered into his mouth. Impatiently he tried to find the bottom of her shirt to get a hand underneath it; she obliged him by nearly ripping it in her haste to allow him access.

His warm right hand on her waist, in contrast to the cold metal of his left hand that now splayed across the bare skin of her back, almost sent her over the edge; his hand moved upward, and as his thumb made contact with the bottom of her breast she whimpered again. He continued grinding his length against her, and she buried her face in his neck as he gently rubbed his thumb over her nipple.

She’d been in such a heightened state of physical and emotional awareness ever since this morning on Odessen; not to mention the way her body reacted to him in general. Once, twice, and she couldn’t prevent it – she dug her fingers into Arcann’s back and cried out into his shoulder as her world shattered into a thousand pieces, her body shuddering, ecstasy making its way like lightning from the heat between her legs all the way down to her fingertips.

Gradually her ragged breaths slowed, and her body stilled, but he continued holding her. She was more than a little mortified, but determined not to leave him in such a heightened state; she was by no means done with him, and she wanted to make sure he knew it. She fumbled desperately with his clothes, until he chuckled, and her eyes flew to his face, confused. He took her hands in his and brought them up to encircle his neck, kissing her lightly as he stood her up.

“Not fair, Arcann!” She murmured against his lips. “How can you do things like that to me and then refuse to let me reciprocate?” She was quite frustrated, but also touched by the tenderness he was displaying. Tenderness wasn’t something she would have imagined from him, had she ever imagined him in this situation, which she hadn’t, not ever…

He kissed her forehead as he straightened her shirt.

“If I allowed things to go any further, I wouldn’t be able to stop. And I don’t want to do that with you, in the uncharted expanse of the Yavin 4 rainforest, on the ground.”

Suddenly she was struck by how surreal her situation actually was. She was in the middle of a forest, stranded with some broken-down speeders, she was in the arms of the man she’d been fantasizing about for months; they’d just shared a remarkably passionate encounter (which had left her only partially satisfied and him, she knew, not at all). She wasn’t sure how to get her head around it. She just hoped she hadn’t done anything wrong…what if he had a low opinion of her now? Sexual encounters were surely not foreign to either of them, but she hoped he knew this wasn’t just an “encounter”…was it? She looked up into his glacial blue eyes, and what she found there made her kiss him again.

“I hope you know you’re not off the hook,” she teased.

His arms tightened around her. “I’m counting on it.”

She was still struggling to come to terms with what had just occurred; had they just…? What was that, even? And more importantly, her spirit was doing cartwheels insider her; after longing for him from afar for so long, she could hardly believe she was in his arms now. It was even better than she’d imagined, and she made a mental resolution to make this a common occurrence, even when they returned to Odessen. Naysayers bedamned.

Finally he released her, and sat down on the other speeder. “So what do you suggest? Our options are few. I saw that your holocom refused to work, and the speeders can’t be repaired without parts.”

She took out her datapad. That, at least, was still functional. She tried to remember the coordinates, but the best she could do was a guess. But sure enough, they were only about 6 miles, give or take, from the destination she had in mind. She grabbed her pack from the speeder, strapped on her belt and lightsaber, and motioned Arcann to follow her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ailis leads Arcann to a familiar locale on Yavin 4...

**Chapter 4**

About 3 hours later, after battling through quite a bit of dense foliage, it was beginning to get dark, especially under the thick cover of trees, and Ailis was beginning to lose confidence that she’d find what she was looking for. They should have run across it by now; maybe she’d completely fudged the coordinates? Just as she was about to check her datapad again, she saw it: an old speeder taxi, covered in vines. She _had_ gotten it right!

She darted forward, past Arcann who was eyeing the speeder with curiosity, up to what looked like impenetrable jungle vines and leaves; but if you knew just where to look – a loud click sounded and a nearly invisible stone door rolled away from an opening in a stone wall. She beamed at Arcann, who’d allowed her bit of mystery by agreeing not to ask questions about where they were going. Now, however, his unscarred eyebrow rose by half an inch, and he peered dubiously into the blackness beyond the door.

“It’s fine! At least, it was several years ago. These vines really do grow ridiculously fast. As a matter of fact, I suppose I should welcome you to my humble abode…” She made a silly welcoming gesture, allowing him to pass before into the dim interior. Her holocom was at least still good for light; she dug it out of her pocket and switched it on, and illuminated the rather empty space.

Glancing around, it was easy to see why Arcann was…unimpressed, to say the least. There were little beetles skittering across the floor, and almost no furniture was present to make it look more than a ruin. It was, in fact, an ancient temple, although not one inhabited by any Sith ghosts (she’d made sure of that before she bought it).  Actually, it was Arcann’s capture of her that had prevented her going back and furnishing it further. But she certainly wasn’t going to mention that to him.

“So you’re telling me, you own this place?” His eyes roved over the walls covered with creeping vines and moss, to the narrow Voss bed, to the crystal formation in a planter in one corner, to stairs that led out from the back of the space into who knew where.

“Well, I did, although I forgot to ever ask Lana if it was still in my name…I suppose it must be, since my few things are still here.”

“This will be useful shelter for tonight, but…”

“Well, there was actually a point to me bringing us here. I used to have some parts and materials stashed here; we might be able to fix that old Nar Shaddaa taxi out front, and use it to get back.”

Arcann looked at her doubtfully. “I didn’t think you had any interest in mechanics?”

“Well, I’m not very good with electronics and gadgets, it’s true. But I always found old speeders to be quite charming, and I had the bright idea to teach myself how to fix that one out front, with ample help from holovids, of course. Clearly that idea went by the wayside, but hopefully it will serve us well now. There’s also a spring-fed pool out back, and running water. I’ll have to test it of course, but hopefully it will still be viable.”

“You’re full of surprises, Commander.” She threw a startled glanced at him but saw he had an amused look on his face. “Let’s see these materials of yours.”

She showed him to the large area down the stairs where there were shelves of random parts – some from speeders, some from droids, and some from who knew what sort of device. She found a large metal urn in the supply room and proceeded to build a fire in it, less for heat than for light. There wasn’t much dry wood around but she found a few pieces. She left her holocom with Arcann so he could have a look at the bits and pieces they had to work with. While there was certainly no longer any power on the premises, the water at least turned out to be ok.

As Ailis pulled the food she’d brought from her bag, she wondered briefly if she’d somehow known that this would happen. But no; she’d brought the same supplies with her on multiple outings before, and hadn’t had any call to use them until now.

The food was actually pre-made meals that C2-N2 had prepared in Odessen; she usually appropriated a few from Hylo before going on missions. They didn’t last forever but usually kept for a week or so, and they actually weren’t half bad. She handed Arcann one of the wrapped packages as he returned to the main room with her holocom, wiping wet hands on a towel he’d found in the barely-functioning facilities.

They sat cross legged on the floor as they ate; he told her there might be some parts that were usable, and she told him a little more about why she’d bought the place, and what she’d intended for it. She’d needed alone time, and she couldn’t just stay on a ship constantly. The bustle of Coruscant didn't sit well with her at all, but Yavin 4’s flora had greatly appealed to her, being similar to where she grew up, and the planet was littered with old temples and ruins. Many of them were near impossible to even approach due to nearby hostiles (such as the one they’d searched this morning), but for someone who could take care of themselves, you could get a great bargain. 

He was rather amused by the fact that she considered the possibility of rampaging beasts and/or Sith ghosts inhabiting her property to be “a great bargain”. “To anyone else, this place would be a death trap. But you are certainly capable enough to deal with any of those things.”

Stupid how a simple compliment from him still brought heat to her cheeks. Even after what had happened earlier. She’d been distracted from thinking of it for a bit, but now she remembered, with a quick intake of breath; her body began to feel hot all over. Hopefully Arcann didn’t notice. She mentally shrugged it off and refocused her attention on him.

“I grew up in the city; we never spent much time out of doors. There were a few times, when we were all young, when we went out into the wilderness with Senya. Once the three of us even went alone…that was rather a disaster.” He chuckled at the memory, but then his slight smile died, as he stared into the fire.

She wanted so badly to say something, but what could she say? She knew little of his brother’s death, and feared to ask him about it; she didn’t think she’d want to talk to anyone about such a thing, and he was more reticent than she. And his sister…Ailis had killed his sister. With his help. He was so concerned about her forgiving him for the things he’d done, but what of her? She’d done enough terrible things herself. Granted, Vaylin had been beyond help hadn't she? Even Senya had seen that. But still…if only there’d been some way…

She risked putting her hand on his arm. His initial reaction was to pull away, and she saw his eyes getting icy, his brow lowering, but she refused to let go.

“Please, Arcann. You can’t hide it all from everyone, all the time.”

His gaze slowly cleared, and he turned his hand over and took hers. He looked down at their hands, his face a little lost, but no longer angry.

“You’re right. But I can’t…” he trailed off.

“I know. It’s ok. It’s…a lot. But I’m here.” She rose to kneel, facing him, and put her head on his shoulder, wrapping her arms around him. He leaned into her. She didn’t mean to leave herself open to his emotions, but somehow the close contact and her own receptive emotional state caused her gift to give her a dull sense of everything he was feeling: regret, pain, anger, resentment, fear. She didn’t know how he could bear it. Just a few seconds and she felt tears streaming down her face. She wanted so badly to break away, to break the contact, but she couldn’t – if seeing just a percentage of what was going on inside him, caused her to break down, how could she pull away without trying to ease his pain, even for a few minutes? She forced herself to breath, and used every ounce of her Jedi will to calm herself. She wanted to try something, but she didn’t know how he would react.

“Arcann, I want to…” She didn’t know how to say it. She wanted to help him? That seemed like a platitude. One he would reject. “Would it be alright if I…tried to give you some peace?”

“When I am with you, Ailis…is the only time I feel any peace.” His voice was rough, and she almost lost her composure again.

She wiped her eyes and leaned back a little so she could look at him, and put her hands on either side of his face. She focused her will again, drawing in the Force, and a slight bluish-green glow began to emanate from her. He’d seen her meditate before, but never this close, and he stared as the glow became more pronounced. Then she closed her eyes and directed the serenity she’d achieved to flow over him, like water over a stone. She hadn’t tried this in many years; when she was much younger her Jedi Master, Yuon Par, had been stricken with a dark ailment, and she’d attempted this to soothe her mind. It hadn’t worked, and she could only hope that over a decade had honed her skills enough that she might have some success here, where it was so desperately needed.

She opened her eyes to see what effect it was having, if any, while still trying to maintain her inner balance. She encountered the hard knot of resistance inside him, a thick darkness that refused illumination. She could not force it – she could cause irreparable damage if she tried to invade someone else’s spirit in that way, not to mention she had no right. Everyone had their own bit of darkness, but Arcann’s was profound, deeply entrenched, and full of sharp edges. Perhaps over time she could soften those edges a bit. But for now she settled for letting her serenity seep through him; now he shared her glow, and eventually he opened his eyes, and she saw they were gleaming, perhaps with unspent tears.

She felt her chin tremble; the Force wavered, and she closed her eyes for a moment to refocus, not wanting to rob him of a second of this happiness. He reached up and touched her face.

“Thank you.”

She’d never heard his voice sound so sweet, so sincere…she couldn’t maintain her concentration any more with him looking at her like that. She let it drain away, and as the verdant light faded, she realized the fire had nearly burned down. Light from the flickering embers of the fire danced across his face, and she was struck again by how beautiful he was – the one side of his face, traditionally so, and the other half, because it showed how strong he was, and how much he’d endured.

Unable to stop herself, she leaned in and kissed him, first on his smooth cheek, then on his scarred one. She leaned back, her hands on either side of his face. She needed him to know that she accepted the scars – the physical ones as well as the emotional.  He made to put his own hands over hers, but quickly dropped his left. She noticed it, but decided to let it pass for now; she didn’t want to say anything that would diminish his temporary contentment.

A night bird sang in the distance, releasing the spell. She decided it was time to consider sleeping arrangements – the thought had been recurring to her on a regular basis since they’d arrived, and although she was loathe to broach the subject, they had to talk about it at some point, or just sit here staring at one another all night long.

She sat back, his hand still in hers, but she couldn’t quite look him in the eye.

“So, we should probably sleep soon, so we can get up at first light tomorrow and work on the speeder…”

“Indeed.”

He wasn’t helping.

“I found some blankets that aren’t in terrible shape, but this floor is…well…it’s stone…” She risked a glance at him. His face was carefully impassive. It occurred to her that perhaps he was doing this on purpose.

She cleared her throat, but he spoke before she could continue.

“This is your house, Ailis. You will of course sleep in the bed. I have slept on worse than this floor.”

Well that wasn’t really what she’d had in mind at all. But she couldn’t really argue, not without sounding brazen and terribly forward. Even after what had happened between them earlier in the day, she didn’t really feel like they were at the point where she could demand that he sleep in the bed with her. She let out a tiny sigh.

“Of course.” She stood, finally releasing his hand, and gathered the blankets from where she’d set them on the bed. It really _was_ big enough for two people, just barely…but there was no use fretting about it.  She handed him two of the blankets and took one of them herself, laying it over the musty bed.

Before she laid down, she prodded her holocom once more for good measure; and to her astonishment, a recorded message from Talos Drellik began playing. Arcann walked over and watched as she played through it twice, unsure what to make of it. The message was spotty and the words unintelligible in places, but it seemed like there was some uproar at Drellik’s camp; he was expressing concern over their continued absence, but he was confident they were safe but had encountered technical difficulties. That was an understatement, she thought.

He closed by saying that he was going back to the Forward Base Camp immediately, and hoped to find news of her there. Then the recording was cut off.

“We must have been able to receive a message somewhere between here and where we left the bikes,” she surmised. “Damn, if I’d been checking the holocom periodically maybe we could have gotten through to him before this message. I hope he’s not in danger…”

Arcann paused for a moment before answering. “I find it rather amusing that we had our speeders sabotaged and have ended up in an old temple with no power and no way to contact anyone, and your first concern is Drellik.”

“Well obviously we can take care of ourselves!” she replied indignantly. “Drellik is…tiny,” she finished lamely.

Arcann chuckled. It was really quite unfair that pretty much anything that came out of his mouth had the possibility of sending shivers down her spine and making her think unsanctioned thoughts.

“In any case,” he continued, “you did check for a signal several times on the way here, so you are not to blame. There’s nothing we can do right now; we should start early tomorrow – if we find we can’t fix the speeder, we can backtrack towards our previous location and see if we can get a signal and contact the Forward Base Camp.”

“Yes, you’re probably right.” She sighed, turned off the holocom, and set it down next to the bed. The last dying embers of the fire were all that lit their faces now. Arcann still held the blankets she’d handed him.

“Where…” she cleared her throat. Really, she had to stop doing that. “Where were you going to umm…put those?”

“I did tell you, didn’t I, that your Force ability allows me to see some of what you are feeling, as well?”

Her face flamed. Again she was glad for the darkness, even if she didn't 'blush' per se. “You don’t need to remind me. I’m sure it will continue to cause me endless embarrassment.” She made sure to shutter her emotions a little better as she turned away from him and sat down awkwardly on the bed.

To her surprise, he kneeled in front of her and began laying his blankets right next to the bed. She felt her heart contract painfully with some emotion she didn’t care to name. He knew how badly she wanted to be close to him. He had so much good in him, it was hard to imagine him otherwise. In a rush it occurred to her what a sweet, loving child he must have been, given how considerate he was even now. And Valkorion had tried his best to turn him into a monster. The sheer cruelty of it overwhelmed her, and she clapped a hand over her mouth to prevent an audible sob. But Arcann heard (or felt) her, and turned to her immediately.

His eyes turned from concerned to contrite, and he started picking up the blankets.

“No! No, I’m sorry…” she stammered, grabbing his hand. “That’s not what – don’t mind me, I’m just…exhausted, and I…”

He covered her hand with his. “Tell me what is really wrong with you, Ailis.” His worry nearly undid her again. “I can sense your despair even though you are trying to hide it.”

She closed her eyes, a pained expression on her face. She could tell him a little of the truth, but she felt like he’d be ashamed or insulted if she told him all of it. “For some reason I just…thought of the injustice of your upbringing. How horrible it must have been to have Valkorion for a father. I don’t know why it affects me so strongly, but…there you have it.” She watched his face, hoping she hadn’t spoken out of turn or made it sound like he was an object of her pity.

He got a far off look in his eyes as he gazed over her shoulder at nothing. He didn’t say anything for some time, and she continued blocking out his emotions, sure that they would cause her to break down if she was privy to them. But eventually his eyes came back into focus and he re-centered his attention on her.

“I didn’t realize how horrible it was, at the time. But then again, Valkorion was a master manipulator. He had millennia to practice, I suppose.” He let out a small sigh, as if to shake himself of whatever memories plagued him, and then squeezed her hand. “Let us not dwell on him; he’s taken too much from us as it is. Both of us.” She nodded silently, resolving to keep a better handle on her emotions in the future. Releasing his hand, she laid back on the bed.

He finished making a pallet of the blankets, and laid down himself, both of them lying next to each other but not, staring at the ceiling. All the possibilities of their situation darted around in her head like fireflies, winking in and out of existence – not their immediate circumstances, but the state of affairs between them. She almost wished they could be stuck here for a few more days, weeks…forever? But that was stupid. She had obligations – she was the commander of the Eternal Alliance, and she couldn’t just wander around in the Yavin jungle because she didn’t want to go back to her normal life and face reality.

But what reality was she afraid of? As soon as she posed the question to herself she knew the answer. What if things went back to the way they were before – Arcann being unapproachable, and she wishing for any number of impossible outcomes between them in her head? She didn’t think that was likely, given what had passed between them, but…what if he wasn’t comfortable with people knowing how they felt about each other? She knew he had _some_ feelings for her at least; that much she could trust her senses on. But what if it wasn’t enough to weather the inevitable negativity that would resound through the base? The Commander and the former Emperor of Zakuul – yes, _that_ former Emperor, the one who’d tried to kill them all? The possibility that her position might be undermined didn’t really concern her, but she worried it would concern Arcann very much.

All these were things she wished she could just speak of to him, but what if her own feelings were clouding her judgment, and giving her a false sense of his own emotional state? What if he was merely a little infatuated, or possibly even affected by her own Force ability? What if everything he felt was just a reflection of her own longing for him….

Oh for stars’ sake, she had to stop this. She squeezed her eyes shut and willed herself to go to sleep.

In the darkness, she heard Arcann stir on the floor. She could hardly stand being this close to him without touching him. She rolled over to the edge; if she couldn’t have him in the bed with her, she would at least have a little physical contact. Laying on her side, she reached down her left arm and laid her hand on his chest. He picked up her hand and planted a light kiss on her fingers, surprising her. Again she was struck by how gentle he could be; in all the times she’d thought about him before this, one of the ways that she would (attempt to) talk herself out of her ‘crush’ on him was to tell herself that once she got to know him well, she wouldn’t be as infatuated – she’d see his bad side, he’d be petty or mean, surely some of the characteristics she’d witnessed before his healing on Voss would remain, even if to a lesser degree. Every interaction she’d had with him had disproved this, even before now, but if she’d known just how sweet and affectionate he could actually be, she would have been in even worse trouble. She probably would have broadcast her emotional state so strongly that every ally on Odessen would have told her to bugger off.

She wished she’d had more opportunities to talk to Senya about her son, but while she would certainly call Senya a friend, she didn’t want to risk accidentally sharing the extent of her feelings for Arcann. Senya was fairly intuitive, and would probably have guessed what was in Ailis’s mind if they spoke much about him at all. So their conversations had never veered in that direction. Well, there would be no keeping it from her now; she felt sure that the look on her face at any mention of him would be enough to tip her off.

She found she was laying uncomfortably on a lock of hair; she used her free arm to pull her mane free of the pillow, and it spilled down the side of the bed. Immediately Arcann’s hand left hers and she was afraid she’d just laid her hair all over his face, but she felt him reach up and gather it in his hand, running it through his fingers. He wasn’t even touching her, and still her pulse quickened.

“Your hair…” he murmured. “It’s the first thing I noticed about you.”

She blinked into the darkness. She wasn’t sure that was a good thing – her hair was wild and…abundant; the only reason she wore it down was because if she tried to put it up it would burst out of its confinement almost immediately and look even more of a hot mess. So she just wore some braids in it to keep some of it out of her face, and let nature take its course. She hoped he wasn’t about to compare her to some unknown Zakuulan beast that had a head full of tentacles or snakes or something.

“The texture is…finer than any Zakuulan silk. And the color is like sunlight and moonlight melded together.” He continued running his hands through it. She was literally speechless; first of all, who would compare her hair to _nice_ things? And secondly, did he just get poetic?

Before she could contemplate this any further, she sensed him move, then felt his weight on the edge of the bed next to her. Not knowing what he meant to do, but sure that closer contact to him was always preferable, she slid over slightly to make room for him, although not far enough that there could be any space between them.

He settled himself with one leg on the bed and reached out to touch her hair again, this time spread across the pillow next to her. She let him be for a moment, but his heat was like a beacon to her, calling for her to be closer to him; him sitting next to her was not enough. She tugged at his arm, and when he still didn’t move, she lifted her head and pulled her hair from one side of the pillow to the other. As she’d intended, he was forced to reach across her for access to it, and she tugged on him again, a little more insistently this time. He obliged her by finally laying down next to her. She sighed with satisfaction – this was what she wanted, what she needed. At this point, although her desire for him was raging as usual, she was happy with just lying next to him, their bodies touching; his leg moved between hers and he reached down and pulled her left leg over his right, tucking her closely against him. His left arm he put underneath his own head, presumably, she thought, to avoid her having to lay her head on it. She wouldn’t have cared either way; in this moment she was utterly content, and a metal arm to lie on would have been a matter of supreme indifference to her. He put his arm back around her and put his hand in her hair again.

Finally she spoke. “What did you mean, when you said it was the first thing you noticed...”

She felt rather than saw his half smile.

“I’m not telling.”

“That’s not fair,” she gave a low laugh and put her hand on his face. “It’s ok, you don’t have to tell me now. I’ll get it out of you at some point.”

“Oh really…”

Then his face was in her neck, his lips on her pulse; she forgot every thought in her head. His hand moved from her hair to her waist, finding the bottom of her shirt, slipping beneath it. She arched her back, but he didn’t go any further; he just stroked her skin reverently, running his thumb along her ribcage. Her breath was coming much faster now, and she thought, if she could just make him understand how much she needed him, needed to be _with_ him…

She let her barriers down. All at once she could feel the lust roiling just beneath the surface of his calm demeanor, and she felt her own body throb in response. He gasped as the full force of her longing washed over him, and his shock was palpable. For a moment his fingertips dug into her skin, and she was sure he was going to react in the way she hoped – for several seconds she waited, her heart thudding, for him to make a move. But then he groaned, more a sound of frustration than of desire. He slid his hand from under her shirt. He was almost panting, but his determination was firm, and sensing his resolve she put her walls up again. He audibly swallowed. He started to move back, away from her, but she held his arm.

“Why?”

The simple question seemed to startle him, but he stayed.

“I can’t…” Even though she’d reinforced her emotional walls, she could tell he was very conflicted; anger and something like fear warred with his still-hot desire.

She didn’t want to cause him any more internal strife. “Never mind.  We can talk about it later. Let’s just sleep.” She put her arm around him and hugged him to her. His emotions calmed a little bit, and eventually he relaxed fully, her leg still draped over him, his arm around her, his hand large and warm on her back. She was sorry she’d interrupted this with her foolish lust; this…this was enough.

Finally, they slept.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Commander makes a misstep

She awoke several times in the night – she suspected her subconscious just wanted to confirm that Arcann was still there. Each time she awoke, reality would hit her with a rush of euphoria; that was Arcann’s arm around her, his breath ruffling the hair on top of her head. She’d take a moment to touch his face, or hug him more tightly to her, then fall back to sleep, smiling.

She would have preferred to lie there forever, never moving, but unfortunately nature had other ideas. With difficulty, she extricated herself from the bed without waking him. She’d had a bathroom added to the crumbling temple as soon as she bought it, although it was by no means finished; however, the basic facilities were in place, and if there was some ivy growing through the cracks in the tile, she was just going to say that was her aesthetic. At least the towels and blankets she’d stored in here hadn’t turned to giant mold boulders in her absence; actually it was remarkably dry inside the temple. Thank the Force for that.

She set the holocom she was using for illumination down on the counter and turned on the hot water….which gurgled ominously. Rolling her eyes, she tried the cold water. It too seemed reluctant to gush forth. She’d just checked it yesterday upon arrival, and it had worked fine. She tried the sink, which seemed functional; at least there was that. But after everything that had happened, including all that trekking in the Yavin woods yesterday, she really felt the need for a shower. Unfortunately it just wasn’t in the stars.

Then she remembered the pool out back. It was actually quite deep, more of a pond than a pool, and was fed by a spring as well as a trickle of waterfall from above. It was bound to be cold, but maybe she could stand a dousing in cold water, given where her thoughts had been for the past 24 hours or more…

Well, that settled it. She grabbed her things, leaving the holocom on in case Arcann needed the light. She slipped out the back door, which made blessedly little noise as it slid open, and as soon as she stepped outside she was glad the shower had been broken.

It was a stunningly beautiful morning – Yavin’s red sun was just preparing to come up, in full view of her ‘back yard’. The pool was at the top of a cliff that looked directly toward sunrise. It was already rather warm, so she shouldn’t have to worry about feeling chilly in the water. Birds sang in the trees, which were thick to the north. The stream that flowed from the south trickled musically into the pool, which then flowed over the edge of the cliff to a larger pool far below. This, she remembered, was why she’d bought this place, despite any number of detriments to the property. Distance from any other habitation and threat of nature bedamned – this view was worth any of it.

She stepped out of her now rather dingy clothes; hours of bushwhacking followed by hours of puttering about in her dusty old temple had done a number on them. Laying her clean clothes on a rock next to the water, she then stuffed her dirty clothes back into her pack. She put her first foot into the clear water and couldn’t restrain a hiss; the water was indeed a little bit cold. But she would soon grow used to it. She ran her fingers through her hair as she waded in a little farther, releasing the braids so they wouldn’t get hopelessly knotted in the water. Once the water was up to her hips, she took a deep breath, and plunged in.

The pool was fairy deep in the center, and she swam around underwater for a moment before popping back up to the surface, then leaned her head back into the water, rinsing her hair and massaging her scalp with her fingers. It had been a long time since she did anything like this – she was normally just too busy to even think of luxuriating in a tub or anywhere else for that matter. She was used to the water temperature now, and as she paddled in the water the sun came over the horizon and immediately began warming her face. She closed her eyes and gave a sigh, almost a hum of contentment.

Then she felt him – the low vibration in the force that was Arcann; he was coming outside.

Dammit! She hadn’t meant to stay out here this long. She was too far from her clothes…the best she could do was stay in the water. It was pretty clear but surely he wouldn’t really be able to see anything…she pulled her hair toward the front just in case.

He stepped through the back door that she’d left slightly ajar. He, too, was caught by the view; the large sun rising slowly over the horizon painted him in an amber glow. He was holding his own change of clothes in his hand; apparently he’d discovered the issue with the shower.

He looked so...she didn’t really have a word for it. Standing there in the clothes he’d slept in, his eyes still a little heavy, looking into the sun…she felt a rush of longing for him, and had to catch her breath.

He heard it, and looked down. His eyes widened a little, and he dropped his clothes. Her face burned…perhaps he could see more than she realized.

He stood there for a full 5 seconds before he remembered himself, cleared his throat. In those few seconds it became apparent to her that whatever he saw, he greatly approved. At least, part of him did.

“I…I didn’t think you’d be…the shower was…” he trailed off. She almost giggled; she’d never seen him at such a loss for words. Now her state of undress was starting to seem like a fairly amusing circumstance, if it reduced Arcann to stuttering.

“Yes, unfortunately it seems to have died in the night,” she replied, only a little breathlessly. “So…here was this lovely pool, and the morning was so gorgeous I just decided to jump in.”

“I…I see that. Umm, are you…? I’ll just go back in until you’re done.” He seemed reluctant to do so however, and continued standing there, staring.

Her ever present desire for him surged forward, and a truly evil idea occurred to her. “Arcann…don’t go. I’d hate to have this view all to myself.”

She wondered if this is what it felt like to fall to the Dark Side. If so, she was sorry she hadn’t tried it earlier.

He didn’t move. “You should get in,” she urged. “There is no shower, after all…” She stared blatantly at him, practically willing him to come out of his clothes. He made no move, either toward or away from her. She decided desperate measures were in order.

She swam a little closer, until her feet touched the bottom. A little closer, and the water was only up to her neck. Her hair was still hanging in front, covering most of her chest. She took a couple more steps, until the tops of her breasts were visible above the water.

His sudden intake of breath told her her plan was working. But she couldn’t read his face. It looked like a storm cloud, his brow lowered, but she couldn’t quite tell if he was angry or…something else. She kept her ability reined in; she almost enjoyed not knowing. Should she keep going? Did she dare?

His breath was coming faster now; she could see his chest, could almost feel the heat coming off of him…could see his arousal straining against his pants.

She felt around with her foot, found a rock on the floor of the pond that was a few inches higher, put one foot on it, stepped up. A breeze stirred the trees to her right, then passed over her, chilling her wet skin. She shivered; held her hand out to him.

“You don’t understand what you’re doing, Ailis.” His voice was low, almost a growl. The sound of it sent a thrill through her. Maybe she was courting danger. But maybe that’s what she wanted.

In answer, she walked further out of the pool. Her hair only came down to her ribcage; below that was exposed. The water lapped against her hips. She hoped she wouldn’t have to show him anything else – she didn’t know if she had it in her to walk fully out of the pool. Then again, at this point she wanted him so badly that she would do almost anything.

He groaned in frustration, then surged into the water, clothes and all. His look was so predatory that she almost had a second thought about provoking him – but as he drew even with her she knew she didn’t regret it. Roughly he grabbed her around the waist, pulled her to him, kissed her almost brutally. She threw her arms around his neck, pulling him even closer. His right hand roamed over her naked back, finally lowering to grasp her rear, which was still partially in the water. She made a little noise as he grabbed it, hard. She made to pull up his shirt, the bottom and front of which was now soaking wet.

Before she knew what was happening, he had backed away, grabbed both her hands in front of her.

“No.” The one word was so ferocious, she actually flinched. He just stared at her; his face was so angry he almost looked like he had before he joined the Alliance.

She felt bare now, exposed; her hair was no longer covering her very well, and the breeze on her skin was growing more chilly by the minute. Or perhaps it was Arcann’s glare that made her feel so cold. She knew she’d pushed him, basically made it impossible for him to refuse her again, but she had no idea he would get so mad.

But, suddenly and painfully, she saw it from his perspective.

He had said no to her before; she had even told herself last night they didn’t need to do this, but she was pressuring him anyway. She had manipulated him. Used her body to make him go against his wishes. What a sorry excuse for a Jedi.

Seeing her confusion turn to shame, he released her, and moved past her to dive into the deeper part of the pool. He surfaced a moment later, but her whispered apology fell on deaf, or unheeding ears. He faced away from her, toward the cliff, where the glorious globe of the sun now fully cleared the horizon and shone warmly down on the surface of Yavin 4.

But it wasn’t enough to warm her. She felt icy, and quickly waded out of the water, grabbed her things, and ran into the temple, pulling on her clothes as she went. Her chill wet hair was heavy against her back, her body no longer hot with lust. She made it as far as the junk room inside the back door, and dodged into it, sinking into the one chair, drawing her knees up in front of her, shaking with emotion. She wrapped her arms around her knees, put her head down, tried to get control of her embarrassment, her shame, her anger at herself. She didn’t think Arcann had meant for her to feel ashamed, more likely he just wanted her to comprehend that when he said no, he meant no. He had his reasons for refusing her, and while she didn’t understand them, it didn’t mean she shouldn’t respect them. By failing to do that, she may have lost his respect in the process.

What had she done?

She couldn’t face him. How could she face him? Her tears intensified as she realized that she’d probably ruined whatever…relationship they’d begun.

And she didn’t cry just because she felt so strongly for him, but because she felt like he needed her. And by doing this she’d driven a wedge between them that may never heal; he would never let her get close to him again. What a stupid mistake! She made an angry noise through her tears.

Hearing the back door scraping along the floor, she stood and hastily tried to wipe the tears from her face, before turning around, but she knew it would be painfully obvious if he happened to look into the room and see her.

He was standing in the doorway. He was still in his wet clothes; the thin grey fabric clung to him like a second skin, outlining every curve of muscle. Her eyes roved over him for a moment, but she resolutely shut them – this was what had gotten her in trouble in the first place. Just because he was a magnificent man didn’t mean she had to objectify him that way, nor did it mean he was required to sleep with her. No matter how he felt about her, if he didn’t want to have sex with her, she had no right to insist.

She could feel him getting closer. She didn’t want to open her eyes; she couldn’t feel anger rolling off of him in waves any more, but she was keeping a tight rein on her Force ability, feeling that if she didn’t keep herself closed off, she was being invasive. Finally he was so close she could feel his heat, and she couldn’t keep her eyes shut any longer. She looked up at him, his glacial blue eyes, his beautiful marred face. She wanted so badly to touch him, but she resisted. She doubted he wanted her advances right now, no matter what her intentions were.

He touched her first. He brushed a strand of her now wildly-waving hair away from her face, and the motion was so tender that she actually started crying again, this time with relief. He couldn’t hate her, if he touched her that way.

Seeing her tears, he put his arms around her, and she clung to him, wet clothes notwithstanding, her arms wrapped tightly around him as if she would drown if she let go. She whispered apologies over and over again, and he just continued holding her, stroking her back – she wanted to tell him that he was the one who deserved comforting, not her; she was the one who had done wrong. But she needed his embrace so much she couldn’t bear to refuse it.

After a few minutes he leaned back slightly. She was still ashamed to look at him; she tried to keep her face buried in his chest, but he put a finger under her chin and lifted it until she couldn't avoid his eyes anymore.

"You should not apologize to me, Ailis. I should not have...reacted so strongly. And I should be more honest with you. You have done that for me."

How could he take any blame at all? She had behaved awfully; it was his right to get angry. "How can you say that? I acted in disrespect of your wishes, tried to manipulate you into sleeping with me! I can't even think of a way to justify that, nor should I." She felt a little better being able to articulate her regret at the situation...but that certainly didn't lessen it.

“I will explain to you. Come, let’s go outside where it’s warm.

“Arcann…your clothes are all wet.” She smiled weakly at him, and was rewarded with his half smile in return. She was so happy to see it, she couldn’t have cared less that he’d gotten all her clothes damp again.

“Can I trust you to turn around while I change?” He raised one eyebrow at her. She felt the heat rise to her face again; she was mostly amused, but also still a little ashamed that the answer to that question couldn’t be taken for granted. She nodded, and he took her hand and led her back outside.

His clothes were where he’d tossed them before their interlude in the pond; he grabbed them now, and looked back at her again, in mock suspicion. She stood there with her hands over her eyes, blatantly looking through her fingers. He made a turning motion with his hand, looking pointedly at her.

Sighing in not entirely feigned sadness, she turned around slowly. She was happy they were able to return to their banter; she still didn’t think she deserved to be forgiven that fast, but she wasn’t going to look a gift nerf in the mouth.

Out of the blue it occurred to her that Arcann was probably completely naked behind her. If she just turned around, she could see that muscled body in all its glory…cybernetics and all…

She dug her foot into the grass and clenched her fists.

“Are you alright, Commander? You seem a little agitated,” he teased.

Completely unfair. But she could hardly say anything; she’d done much worse to him earlier.

Just when she was going to make an impatient comment, his right arm went around her waist, and he kissed her hair. Reveling in the contact as she always did, she leaned back into him, hugging his arm to her. With his left hand he picked up her damp mass of hair, held it for a moment as if weighing it, then moved it over her right shoulder and kissed the back of her neck.

Immediately her blood turned molten. “This is …not the best way to teach me how to resist your charms, you know,” she breathed.

“Of course,” he whispered in her left ear, sending chills racing down her neck. “But you deserve a little payback for that scene this morning.” His lips moved to the sensitive spot just underneath her ear, and he trailed kisses from there down her neck and across her shoulder.

She grasped his arm, arched her neck to the right to allow him easier access. He rewarded her by taking her soft skin gently between his teeth. She gasped. Her heart was already racing; she wondered what she would do if he ever actually touched her. _Really_ touched her. The thought of it was enough to weaken her knees.

But if he had his way…that would never happen.

She had to know why. She couldn’t keep dancing around their obvious physical attraction to each other, without understanding why he wouldn’t allow it. If he was willing to explain it, she would even forego any further torture from his lips in order to get an answer. She turned in his arms, put her hands on his shoulders, pushed him away, just enough for him to know she was serious. He understood, and allowed her to lead him to the grassy area to the left of the pool, where he sat on one of the large rocks surrounding the water. She sat cross-legged next to him, angled towards him a bit, and took his right hand in hers.

“You will have to bear with me, this isn’t…easy for me to tell you.” He was looking out at the trees behind her; even past the barrier she’d erected, she sensed his hesitation, his fear, his embarrassment, through their connection. She could tell he found it hard to look at her, so she got a little closer to him, wrapped her right arm around his waist, and laid her head on his shoulder. His tension eased slightly and he put his arm around her in turn.

“The reason that I don’t want to...” he paused. “Well, that’s a lie. I _very much_ want to.” His arm tightened around her for a moment. “The reason that I don’t feel like I _can_ …be intimate with you.” He took a breath. “Is because I am afraid.”

She could tell it cost him much to admit this, but she resolved to let him say everything he felt he needed to say before she questioned any of it. She couldn’t imagine what he could have to be afraid of, but she’d let him tell her in his own time.

“First of all, you should know that I haven’t…been with a woman since Korriban.” He seemed to hold his breath after he said this; was he expecting her to jump back and pronounce her disgust? She merely kissed his shoulder through his shirt. He released his breath and continued.

“I wasn’t really interested in any of that for quite some time; being obsessed with your father’s impossible standards and then staging a bloody coup of the galaxy will do that to you.” She didn’t really care for his attempt at dark humor. She slowly stroked his back, willing him to continue, letting him know she was there, listening.

“I didn’t really mind having the cybernetic arm before. It made me more powerful, and more feared. Now, with you…” She could feel how hard it was for him to say these things to her; she ached to make it easier for him but she didn’t know how. “I stopped wearing the mask after Voss, but this is still a reminder of what I was before. It just seems…so wrong, to touch you with it. And if you saw…what it looks like… I just can’t…”

His discomfort was almost palpable. She couldn’t prevent herself from reassuring him at this point. She lifted her head from his shoulder and kissed him, first on the corner of his mouth, then on his lips; then he was kissing her back, and she forgot what her goal was for a moment. But she had to let him know. She broke away for a moment and spoke the words into his mouth, punctuating each phrase with a kiss.

“I know you may not believe this, but your arm doesn’t bother me in the slightest bit. I don’t think you will believe me, until I’ve seen it, and not reacted in the way you fear. But I understand if you don’t want to show me, and I won’t pressure you to. I’ll see it when you’re ready, and not before.”

His arm tightened around her again, and she could feel the profound relief her acceptance brought, as well as his continued reservations. Being tuned into his emotions was heady stuff; she would have to get better at her barriers or risk drowning in him.

Resting her head on his shoulder again, she let him continue.

“Another reason.... When I touch you, when I even think about touching you, for a moment I can lose myself, and not think about all the things I’ve done.” Now she felt like dark clouds were gathering around them; his regrets were many, and they weighed so heavily on him, she didn’t know how he could stand it.

“But just as quickly, I remember; I remember all the times we fought, and especially when I…when I tried my best to murder you on Asylum.” His chest literally trembled as he said this; she began stroking his back again, lightly scratching through his shirt, and he calmed slightly and continued.

“You have to know…there is darkness in me. Just because we’re rid of my father and I pledged myself to the Alliance doesn’t mean I suddenly became a good person. I am still the person who did all those things. To the galaxy, to you. And I can’t just…forget that.”

She whispered into his neck. “There is darkness in us all, Arcann. Yes, I know what you’ve done. And yes, some of it was terrible. But even as a Jedi, I’ve done some terrible things. There are many decisions I regret. But you can’t let your past mistakes become your whole life. You DID change. You are completely different now than when I first met you.” She had to sit back now, look at him to better gauge his reaction. His eyes searched hers; he still seemed unconvinced, but perhaps it would just take time to make him understand.

“The thing that scares me most of all,” he finally said, “is that I will lose control. When I’m with you. Even if I don’t intend to hurt you…I know you’re stronger with the Force than I am, but I also know you wouldn’t use it against me, not now, not even to protect yourself.” He pierced her with his ice-blue gaze. “Tell me I am wrong.”

She couldn’t. She would never harm him; at this point he could do pretty much anything to her, and she would just let him. Because she knew he held no malice towards her, she felt it, with the Force and with her own spirit.

Her silence answered for her. “That alone is enough reason to prevent me from getting too close to you. Do you have any idea how close I am to losing control every time you kiss me? This morning, I thought I would die I wanted you so much. The only thing that stopped me from taking you right there in the water, was fear of what you’d do when you saw the rest of my scars. When you pulled at my shirt, I remembered suddenly that I’m only half a man, and I was so angry that I took it out on you.”

Her desire and her anger flared up at his words. She tried to ignore the first and allowed the second.

“How can you possibly call yourself half a man?” she demanded, leaning back and looking hard at him, her own brow lowered now, her aquamarine eyes sparkling with indignation. “You are twice the man of anyone I’ve ever met! Even the scars that you _show_ attest to that, much less the ones you don’t!”

He seemed a little startled at her vehemence, and looked a little confused, for a moment. But then he looked past her; “perhaps you only see all these positive traits in me because of your Force ability. Maybe that’s the only reason you’re drawn to me at all.” He stared out in the woods, refusing to look at her.

That was just too much. She stood up, surprising him. “How dare you? How dare you try to use something I told you in confidence, to convince me that _your_ fears are well founded?” His eyes were a little wide; clearly her outrage was unexpected. “Well let me tell you, it _isn’t_ my Force ability. Because I’ll have you know I was _ridiculously_ attracted to you the moment I saw you, when I woke up on your ship, in cuffs!” She had her hands on her hips, and if she wasn’t yelling, she was definitely speaking very forcefully.

As Arcann stared at her, his half smile slowly returning, she realized what she’d just told him.

This time she was sure that her face actually turned red; it could hardly feel any hotter or it would burst into flames.

“Is that so?” he asked her as he, too, stood.

“Well I…that may have been…an exaggeration…” she stammered, trying to back out of it.

“Oh no, you’re not getting out of this that easily.” He advanced on her, put his hands on her upper arms, pulled her toward him.

“Arcann—“ she couldn’t continue; he covered her mouth with his, practically crushed her to him, kissed her until she could barely breath. Finally he broke away, and both of them took a ragged breath.

“Well,” she said when she was finally able to speak without her voice shaking, “I suppose now you know the truth, and thankfully it doesn’t seem to bother you…”

“I think you should elaborate,” he teased. “I’m not sure I really understand the details.”

She kissed his chin. “Maybe I will elaborate…but only if you promise to tell me what you meant by your comment last night.”

“Mmmm,” he murmured against her hair. She shivered; it was like his voice was a Force weapon in and of itself, able to incapacitate her at any time. “I think I can agree to those terms.”

She might as well tell him the truth – she’d already revealed so much to him, what was one more disclosure? She was eager for him to continue in his vein of last night, when he’d made such startling but lovely statements about her.

“Well…” ok, feeling shy was not really an emotion she was entitled to after what she’d done today. _Just spit it out._ “When I was on the ship, I could…feel you, in the room with me, before I saw you, before I opened my eyes. I was disoriented, but I could tell there was this…thrum, in the Force. One that seemed completely foreign and yet…” She cast her eyes down. This was harder than she’d anticipated.

“And yet?”

She couldn’t quite tell him what she’d actually felt. That his Force signature felt _right_ , somehow, like her whole life was a chord that was missing a note, and he provided it?  That his presence was so strong it almost felt like a physical caress? She shook her head a little, hoping he wouldn’t press her.

“And then you spoke…” she closed her eyes for a moment, remembering the first time she’d heard the warm, rich timbre of his voice.

“I don’t recall saying anything particularly enlightening…” he teased.

“Arcann…you really don’t understand, do you?”

He now looked genuinely confused. In this moment he was unutterably adorable to her. She couldn’t help but kiss him; he was so blissfully unaware.

“Never mind, it’s just umm…your voice is…nice,” she finished lamely.

She swore he got a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

“Oh, really…” he rumbled into her ear. She knew he could feel the frisson that went through her; really, she was giving him too much ammunition. As if he needed any at all.

“This conversation is most enlightening,” he continued. She actually shivered, even out here in the warm morning light.

“Not fair,” she whispered as his lips found her ear. “No distracting me, you have something to tell me, remember…” she trailed off as he set his mouth to the bend where her neck met her shoulder, no longer really caring whether he told her or not.

“I can’t help it – you’re very easily distracted, for a Jedi.”

She gave him a half-hearted slap on the arm.

He pulled back but left his arms wrapped around her – both arms, this time.

“Very well. If you insist.”

“I do. I honestly have no idea what happened that day – after the ship began breaking up…” she stopped as it occurred to her that it might bother him to talk about this; she didn’t know how much he’d been responsible for, before her capture, not to mention her getting frozen in carbonite. But he didn’t seem upset about it, yet.

“I didn’t know anything about you, really. Valkorion” -- he said the name with disdain, as he always did – “insisted we send knights in to capture the most powerful people on the ship: you and Darth Marr.”

Her brows drew together a little at mention of Darth Marr; he may have been Sith, but he had been a powerful ally and an honorable man. He had aided her many times, and although she hadn’t agreed with all his decisions, she hated to lose an ally who was willing to overlook their opposing origins in favor of the greater good.

“Both of you were very strong in the Force; there was some concern that the Force-cuffs we put on you wouldn’t hold. “

“You’re lucky I didn’t have much time to work on them, or you would have been in for a surprise,” she joked.

But his face was serious when he replied. “I _was_ in for a surprise. The cuffs were suppressing your Force signature, but I could still feel it…but then I walked in…and the knights had brought me the most beautiful woman in the galaxy, with hair the color of starlight, and skin that shone like golden honey…”

As if she wasn’t always on the brink of buckling knees when he spoke to her, she was almost completely undone by his lapses into poetic description. She felt simultaneously gratified, embarrassed, astonished, and overwhelmingly affectionate towards him. Her heart felt so full she thought it might just break. She didn’t want to interrupt him.

“I knew right then I couldn’t let Valkorion kill you. I assumed that’s what he wanted.”

She was shocked – he decided that early that he would try to prevent her death? Even then, when he was still firmly bound by his father’s twisted manipulations?

“I made the knights wait outside; they probably assumed I wanted to ‘interrogate’ you alone.” The slightly menacing implication was clear in his voice, and she shivered again, but this time for a different reason. “But you were laying there so peacefully…I couldn’t help myself. I knelt down and touched your hair, and when my hand brushed your face, I instantly knew how strong you were.”

She _hadn’t_ imagined it! He did touch her! So many revelations to take in at once…

“That’s when I decided to let you kill him.”

Immediately she caught the wave of anger that poured from him; his brows had drawn together, and he was looking over her shoulder now. Sometimes she felt like, even though they’d vanquished Valkorion, his ghost was something they would never quite be rid of. She put a hand on his cheek, gently pressured him to look at her again.

“Don’t let him ruin anything else for us,” she entreated him.

After a moment his eyes refocused on her, and he leaned forward and put his forehead on hers.

“I’ll tell you the rest some other time,” he said quietly. She agreed; she’d received quite enough information to ponder for one day.

Although she didn’t want to, she knew they had to break away from this interlude and get back to reality. Which was, someone was trying to sabotage them, and they needed to get to work to restore functionality to the speeder, the holocom, or both.

She stepped back with a sigh. “We’d better get a move on; that speeder isn’t going to fix itself.

Arcann followed her back into the temple, and they set to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm aware that Yavin is a moon, which might mean that 'sunrise and sunset' aren't really the same as they'd be on a planet, but hopefully there is some leeway with imaginary planets/moons/suns :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ailis and Arcann make progress toward getting back to civilization...with a few hitches

Arcann had found some parts and set them aside the day before; she helped him carry them out to the front of the temple and deposit them near the speeder. She sat on the vine-covered ground next to it, glad she’d at least had the presence of mind 6 years ago to leave the remote starter in a safe place inside the parts room. The device still seemed functional; the lights blinked up whenever she pressed the start button, although naturally the speeder didn’t respond. She was careful to press the “off” button before they began working, just in case.

To gain access to the fuse panel, he had to lever it open with the flat end of one of the pilex drivers, and the panel door broke cleanly off and landed in the grass at his feet. Ailis raised an eyebrow but said nothing; she’d predicted the speeder would be completely falling apart, so the fact that it was still in (nearly) one piece was already a step ahead of what she’d expected.

They worked on the Nar Shaddaa taxi for two hours; he leaned over the speeder, asking her to hand him parts or tools as he diagnosed and repaired things here and there. As she passed over this hydrospanner or that booster part, she had to keep a strict hold on her emotions. It seemed any activity they engaged in, as long as they were together, caused her mind to cook up all sorts of unrealistic images, and her heart to eagerly join in _. They were just fixing a broken speeder_ , she told herself. In no way was that ‘domestic’. But she couldn’t keep the quiet smile from her face while she watched him work. His left arm seemed to come in quite handy; he’d rolled up his sleeve, and could reach far down into the speeder without worrying about any parts scratching him or catching on his clothes. She then caught herself wondering what other sorts of things it could do, and had to mentally slap herself. Now was not the time. Arcann threw a slightly suspicious glance over his shoulder – honestly, she really needed to work on her shields, she told herself for the eighty-seventh time.

Eventually he pronounced it was ready for testing; he shut most of the panels, save the one whose door now lay on the ground, and turned to her. She stood up and pointed the starter at the speeder, ceremoniously pressed the button.

Nothing.

Arcann swore, and Ailis giggled. Now his glance was definitely suspicious, but for some reason his indignation tickled her. Then she noticed something hanging down below one of the interior instrument panels; a wire that was unplugged. She got into the speeder, which was absolutely covered in mildew and dust, and shimmied down into the floor to reach the wire. Grasping the end of it, she tried to position herself to find the likely place where it was supposed to attach. Once Arcann saw what she had in her hand, he directed her where to look, and she soon found another shorter wire of the same color, hanging down toward the front of the interior compartment. She was reaching for it when—

“Wait!” She heard Arcann’s call too late – she had already grabbed the other end of the cable.

Immediately a jolt of electricity shot through her, paralyzing her hand around the plug; she’d had a lot of injuries over the years, but she’d never been electrocuted, and stars was it painful. It felt like her whole body seized up, including her heart, and the pain was extraordinary. It lasted only a second or two before Arcann found the remote she’d laid on the seat and urgently pushed the “off” button.

As her hand fell free of the wire, she bit her lip so hard she drew blood. Arcann tossed the starter in the floor and lifted her out of the speeder, careful not to hit her head on the front panel or the door as he withdrew her. He knelt on the ground with her in his lap – the worry on his face was considerable; almost more than the situation warranted, she thought. She was breathing rather heavily; she looked down at her hand and saw that the fingertips were singed and blackened. She closed her eyes and focused internally, going over each body part and organ separately to ensure she had no internal injuries. Arcann seemed to understand what she was doing and remained silent for a few moments as she finished. Once she opened her eyes, she managed a small smile and a shake of her head to let him know all her parts were in working order.

He slumped slightly and hugged her tightly to him, careful to avoid jostling her burned left hand.  Then he set her gently on the ground and took her wrist in his hand, inspecting her burnt fingers.

“I’ve had worse,” she joked, although it was true. Hopefully she could heal this within 30 minutes or so – she didn’t know how long it would take them to get back to civilization, and she also wasn’t sure what would be waiting for her there. She couldn’t walk into the unknown with one hand out of commission, although at least it wasn’t the hand with which she held her saberstaff.

“This is my fault. I should have known that wire would be live--“ he began.

She cut him off. “I’m the one who grabbed wires in a speeder after I’d _just_ turned it on – sometimes Jedi can be painfully lacking in common sense.” She smiled to reiterate that she was, in fact, ok. He sighed and seemed to accept her answer; he stood up and helped her up as well. She felt sore all over. She dusted herself off a little with her uninjured hand. He picked up the starter from where he’d tossed it, pressed the “off” button multiple times for good measure, and then reached in and connected the two wires. Standing back, he pressed the start button once more, and the engine roared to life with a squeal of old gears and belts. A clanking sound issued from under the hood, and some sparks flew out. Ailis backed up a little, almost expecting the speeder to explode in a shower of metal bits, but the clanking resolved itself. The engine evened out and no other strange sounds broke the low rumbling hum.

Ailis literally jumped and very nearly clapped her hands; luckily she remembered in time and settled for a one-fisted celebratory gesture. Holding her left arm away from her she grabbed Arcann and planted a kiss on his half-smiling lips; apparently whenever she was in a good mood that’s all she could think about doing. Or a bad mood…or any mood for that matter, she admitted to herself ruefully.

Before he could distract her by kissing her back, she pulled away and headed toward the temple. “I need to try to heal this before we go anywhere,” she told him over her shoulder. “I’ll be out by the pond if you need me.”

Once there, though, she had trouble meditating. The sun was hot on her skin, reminding her of how she burned when Arcann touched her. The breeze whispered against her neck, and she recalled his lips there; it rustled her hair, reminding her of his hands delving into it. She couldn’t believe she was sitting here with a fried left hand and still couldn’t focus on anything besides him. It was ridiculous – she was an adult, not some undisciplined teenager. She had to heal herself, at least somewhat. It would be dangerous to her and to Arcann if they ran across something hostile and she couldn’t defend herself properly.

She tried again, drawing the Force in , focusing on her hand; the energy wavered, fluctuated, and while she could feel her fingertips repairing slightly, she could tell her lack of concentration was detrimental to the process. She sighed occasionally as her focus would ebb, trying to re-direct her mind toward the healing of her damaged fingers. After fifteen minutes, she was beginning to get frustrated, when inexplicably she began feeling calmer; a sort of soothing vibration echoed through her, and she found herself able to direct the Force to her injured hand, repairing the singed nerves and skin. The vibration grew stronger; the power of the Force healing her hand increased proportionally. After a few moments, her focus still in place, she opened her eyes to look down at her fingers in surprise.

They were completely healed. She’d made almost no progress before, and in about 4 minutes every bit of the injury had been repaired. No longer needing to maintain her focus, she let it drop, and felt a hand on her shoulder.

For once Arcann had startled her – she’d been so deep in the healing meditation she hadn’t felt him….

But that wasn’t true. She _had_ felt him.

She stood, turned around, looking at him in wonder.

“You never told me you had Force-healing skills!”

“I don’t.” He took her left hand, examining it, marveling, as she did, at the completeness with which it had healed.

“But…you just…” She was quite confused.

“I came back inside to get our things together, and I could feel your frustration. I stood back for a bit because I didn’t want to interrupt you, but then it occurred to me that...” he seemed to search for the right words. “Much of the time, your presence is like a beacon, like the brightest star in the sky, I find it hard to think of anything else.”

She couldn’t say she wasn’t gratified. I sounded pretty accurate for her feelings as well.

“But last night, when you used the Force to…calm me. It was extraordinary; I felt like my mind, my thoughts were all better arranged than they’d ever been, like there was a switch flipped that allowed everything to flow exactly as it should.” She was taken aback – she’d never heard what she’d done described in that way. Although admittedly she’d rarely used it, and never on someone who was conscious at the time.

“I thought perhaps if you had that effect on me…I could do the same for you, to a lesser degree. But I didn’t really expect those results,” he added, his half smile playing at the corner of his mouth.

She wouldn’t have expected that either – had never heard of such a thing, in fact. She supposed that it was possible for Force-users to channel the Force to one another, but for something like this…she could make head nor tails of it. But she did know one thing.

“Well, if you can help me heal that quickly, I need to make sure I take you everywhere with me from now on,” she quipped, but she was half serious.

He took a step toward her, brushed the back of his fingers against her cheek. “I would not object.”

She put her own hand over his, leaned into his touch. But they had to go.

Grudgingly she turned, pulling him along with her as she went back inside to gather the rest of their things and deposit them in the speeder. After washing up in the partially-functional bathroom, she grabbed a towel, then used it to wipe down the interior of the speeder as best she could. They climbed into the musty vehicle, Arcann at the controls, and took off through the rainforest in the direction of the Forward Base Camp, the closest inhabited area to their location. It lay southwest from the temple, and they’d come from the Northwest.

It was slow going through the thick underbrush; the ‘road’ into Ailis’s property was thickly overgrown and  barely more than a path at this point. A few times she had to get out and use her lightsaber to clear plants from the path and allow them through. The rest of the time she kept her holocom out in her lap, waiting for the signal light to flash, hoping she’d be able to make a call to find out what was going on. The antiquated speeder wasn’t fast, and it would be an hour before they reached the camp at this rate. But it was certainly better than walking.

After about twenty or thirty minutes they reached a more well-worn road; Ailis was turned a little in her seat, facing Arcann slightly, the holocom balanced on one knee. She was watching his mechanical hand steer the speeder, and was desperate to ask him something about it, something she’d been curious about ever since he’d joined the Alliance. But she didn’t know if she dared. She didn’t want to upset him; they’d had such an amazing morning (after her idiotic stunt in the pool, she reminded herself), she didn’t want to risk ruining his mood.

Arcann spoke out of the blue. “Go ahead.” Well, clearly she was projecting her feelings a little too much, if he could read her mind that well. And now she couldn’t back out.

“I was just wondering if…can you _feel_ , with that hand?” She watched his face to gauge his reaction, but didn’t see any indication he was troubled. Yet. She rushed ahead. “I don’t know that much about cybernetics, and I’m sure Zakuulan technology is as advanced in that realm as it is in others…”

“Yes, I can, although it’s not the same as having my real hand.” He glanced sideways at her. “Why?”

“I was just curious.” She reached out a hand; his fingers tightened slightly on the wheel. “What does this feel like?” She brushed her fingers along the back of his hand. His grip on the wheel intensified.

“It’s…hard to explain. There are sensors, all over the metal, especially on the fingertips…”

She wondered what she could do that would set his mind to rest, finally, about her feelings regarding his cybernetic limb. She pulled gently at his hand. “May I?” she asked tentatively.

He put his right hand on the wheel, allowing her to pull his left arm toward her. He was still looking askance at her, but he didn’t seem angry, so she forged on.

She took his hand in both of hers, his palm facing away from  her, and brushed her thumbs along the back of it, the metal smooth and cool. She could have sworn he shifted a little in his seat. She kept her eyes on him, and pulled his hand to her lips. “What about this?” She placed a soft kiss on the back of his hand.

“I…can definitely feel that, if that’s what you’re asking.” His voice was a little shaky. Now his right hand had the wheel in a death grip. She hoped she didn’t cause them to have an accident.

It was certainly…different, kissing a metal hand. She made little circles in his palm with her thumb. She hoped he wouldn’t be disgusted by her fascination with it, honestly – she hadn’t spent much time with anyone with cybernetics, aside from Theron, and his were small and unobtrusive, nothing like a whole limb of them. For some reason it turned out she found it extremely exciting.

His discomfiture emboldened her to take her experiment even further. His hand still caught between both of hers, she extended his index finger towards her…and slowly put it in her mouth.

Immediately the vehicle lost speed; his hand had left the wheel as he turned to her. She froze, afraid that he was angry, although that’s not what she felt emanating from him. He stared at her: her mouth was slightly open, his metal finger on her tongue.

His breath was coming faster; it seemed suddenly hotter in the speeder. He slowly removed his finger…

Then turned his hand over and put his thumb in her mouth, facing down, as his other fingers cupped her chin. Immediately she closed her mouth, running her tongue over the pad of his thumb. He gasped, closed his eyes. Gently, lest he pull back, she leaned forward, sliding more of his thumb into her mouth, and suckled lightly.

He actually groaned, and she felt her desire for him throb in response. She needed to calm down; they were on an actual road, in a speeder; they had places to be. That’s what she told herself, but instead of withdrawing and suggesting they continue, she sucked harder.

In seconds she had somehow moved from her seat to the left of him, to his lap; he had to have used the Force to move her that fast. He’d removed his hand from her face and now used it to pull her head towards him, kissing her  until she was gasping. But he pulled back after a moment and looked searchingly into her eyes.

“I suppose you’re trying to convince me you have no problem with the arm.”

“I was,” she replied breathlessly, her hands on his shoulders. “Did it work?”

“Mhmmm.” Oh how she loved it when he murmured like that, it was like a low rumble in his chest that sent delicious chills up her spine.

_Road…Forward…Base Camp…_

He kissed her again, slowly, sweetly; this time stroking her face with his left hand, and putting his right into her hair as usual.

_Sabotage …_

She kissed him back. She couldn’t help herself. He was just so…

_Alliance…._

She felt his reaction under her thigh, and was sorely tempted to throw her leg over him, and it took all of her willpower not to. For one, she didn’t want a repeat of this morning – she needed to let him approach _her_ , instead of the other way around. Just because she was in his lap didn’t mean he wanted this to progress any further, and even if he did right now, he might not in five minutes, and then she’d be in even worse shape. Besides that, the lately-ignored-voice in her head reminded her stridently, they needed to get back.

Extremely reluctantly, she pulled back, and wriggled back into the other seat. She glanced at him; his breath was almost as ragged as hers, but he smiled his half smile, sighed heavily, and took her right hand with his left, linking her fingers in his. He took control of the speeder again, and they resumed their course toward the camp.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arcann and the Commander confront their nemesis - and Ailis finds out something about herself.

After a few more miles the holocom’s signal indicator lit up and Ailis found she had almost ten messages, some from Drellik, a couple from Theron, and a few from various other contacts. She decided to play through them before sending out a call to the camp, as they were only about 20  minutes away from it anyway.

Drellik’s communications were increasingly concerned – he was now doubting whether their difficulties were merely technical, and by the 4th message he was lamenting the necessity of telling the Alliance he’d sent their Commander to her doom. She and Arcann both chuckled at this dramatic statement, but considering this had happened once before with Acina and Saresh, perhaps they shouldn’t dismiss his message so quickly. She checked Theron’s messages but they were fairly straightforward; so far no one was on Odessen trying to take over the Alliance, and now that she was almost back to civilization that particular outcome was blessedly unlikely.

Just as she was getting ready to make a call to the outpost, the speeder was rocked by a wave of energy, shoving it to the right and off the road. It shuddered, the engine creaking to a halt, and rocked to a stop. The holocom’s lights stuttered and went dark. What in the galaxy was that?

She and Arcann both jumped out of the taxi to see a large shuttle parked in the trees to the left of the road. It looked as if it had flattened a few trees, actually, in order to take up its partially hidden position. What looked like an imperial soldier was holding a large hand-cannon of some sort, standing at attention at the bottom of the gangplank to the shuttle. Arcann and Ailis both drew their lightsabers, though not activating them yet, and slowly advanced toward the shuttle.

Down the gangplank walked a Sith in dark purple robes. Something about his thin appearance and his aura was painfully familiar to her, but she couldn’t quite think why. She didn’t think they’d met before, but that hiss in the Force…

“Ailis Vae, Commander of the Eternal Alliance. How good of you to finally show up.”

She raised her eyebrows at him, and then looked at the soldier with the device, which she now saw looked a little odd for a hand cannon.

“Astute of you. I had my guard here keep watch with this EMP apparatus in case you happened by while I was otherwise engaged. Couldn’t have you missing the party, after all.”

“Who are you? What do you want?” Ailis’s nerves were set on edge by his superior manner.

“My dear Commander, don’t I look at least a little familiar to you?” He stepped toward her, and then he smiled.

And she knew then, who it was who had sabotaged them the day before, who’d ambushed them now. She didn’t even know Lord Hâsk had any offspring; she’d been so young and naïve back then, too ignorant to think of checking into her opponent’s family situation.

She was confident he couldn’t see the realization cross her face; she had over a decade of training to hide her emotions from people like this. But she knew Arcann would be able to feel her distress, even if she tried to hide it. She activated her lightsaber. Immediately Arcann did the same and made to step in front of her. She held out her hand in a negative gesture; she needed to try to handle this on her own, although the time would likely soon come when she would need his support.

“You are the son of Lord Hâsk. Have you come for revenge? You will not find it.”

He laughed. She could feel his strength as a dark disruption of the Force. Could it be that he was more powerful than his parent?

“Your assumption is correct. I am Darth Vilius.” So he was a Darth – he most likely _was_ more skilled in the Force than Lord Hâsk had been. “I suppose you could say that I’ve come for revenge, but it’s more than that. I’ve come to test myself. My father could not even best you before you became Jedi; I intend to end you as the Commander of the Alliance.” She could feel Arcann’s rage mounting; she hoped he wouldn’t do anything rash. “My revenge will be twice as sweet knowing I have surpassed my father in every way.”

She couldn’t prevent Arcann from replying. “You overestimate yourself, Darth Vilius. You should pick your battles more carefully.” His defense of her, the controlled anger in his voice, sent a thrill through her, but she couldn’t let that distract her now.

“Ahh, yes, the former Emperor of Zakuul. How nice that you were able to join our little event, as well. Your death will be another feather in my cap, so to speak.”

“If you would just allow me to—“ Arcann began, looking at her. She shook her head, and he sighed but resigned himself.

“It can’t be this easy. There’s no way he’s orchestrated all this – tracking me down, sabotaging our speeders, ambushing us – just to start a fair fight.” The Sith’s smile widened. “I know some Sith care for honor and strength above all things, but as far as I’ve seen that doesn’t run in your blood. So what do you want?”

His smile became a sneer at her words. “Astute of you, Commander. I do not expect a fight. Instead, I expect you to join me on my ship. We can...catch up.” His leer was disgusting.

Her eyebrows shot up. “And what makes you think I would do that?”

“Well, I’ve brought some incentive with me.”

And down the gangplank walked another Force user, probably his apprentice. He was holding a young woman by the hair.

A Mirialan woman.

Ailis nearly dropped her lightsaber. They had her sister! She called out to Aoife, but her sister just whimpered and stared at her with terrified eyes.

“I will destroy you for this, Darth Vilius. Hand my sister over, NOW.” Her voice had gotten low and strangely modulated.

He laughed, a grating noise that caused the hairs on the back of her neck to stand up.

“Get on this ship, or I kill her. Oh and leave your pet behind, we won’t be needing him.”

She felt Arcann’s wrath boiling; she knew he would not let her go without a fight. She was confident she could best all of these people, especially with his help, but she couldn’t risk anything happening to her sister.

As she hesitated, trying to gauge the situation, Darth Vilius nodded to the Sith who had a hold of Aoife. He promptly raised his lightsaber over her head and brought the pommel of it down, hard, on her skull. Her sister slumped to the ground, unconscious.

She couldn’t contain herself. Dark blue light ignited around her, and with a cry of rage she Force-leapt at the Sith, twirling her saberstaff to keep him off guard. She turned 360 degrees as she came even with him, whipping her saberstaff around from the opposite side he expected…

And cleanly lopped off his head.

His body slumped to the ground next to her sister, and his head rolled down the gangplank.

Vilius actually looked a little shocked at her handling of his Apprentice; it seemed he’d miscalculated her reaction to him abusing her sister. But he replaced his smile and stood with his blood-red lightsaber at the ready, seemingly confident he could best her, even though a one-on-one fight hadn’t been his intention.

Arcann started forward but she threw a hand out, stopping him in his tracks, literally. Dark lightning surrounded her in a blue gleam as she advanced on Vilius. He tried to Force choke her almost immediately, but she brushed aside his effort with a wave of her hand, and continued toward him. The teal blue blades of her saberstaff whipping about frenetically in the afternoon sun, she danced first this way, then that, every so often lunging and singing the Darth’s robes.

Meanwhile, Vilius’ acolytes poured from the shuttle – of course he’d brought reinforcements. Arcann dealt with them easily, but kept his eye on her battle with Vilius, and was careful not to allow her sister’s inert form to get trampled.

She got very few blows in, although he wasn’t breaking through her guard either. To the casual observer it would seem they were evenly matched. Indeed, even Arcann, who’d witnessed her devastating ability with a lightsaber multiple times, threw the occasional concerned glance in her direction.

Ailis’s attention was momentarily occupied by a large speeder that stopped just in front of the shuttle. Out poured a dozen mercenaries who took up positions, rifles aimed at her and Arcann. He was turned away from them, battling the Sith acolytes coming down the gangplank. She couldn’t allow him to get injured while his back was turned.

She aimed a Force shove at Vilius, staggering him backward several feet and distracting him for a moment. Then she threw her lightsaber at the mercenaries.

The teal light arced end over end, blurring into a bright horizontal disc that cut across the enemy lines, leaving searing wounds and missing limbs in its wake. After taking out all but one of the mercenaries in its trajectory, it whipped back toward Ailis. She reached out her hand and in one motion caught it, twirled around with it above her head, and slashed aggressively at Vilius, who was coming back toward her. He barely got his lightsaber up in time; he’d been blinking at the destruction she’d just wreaked on his hired guns.

Arcann had dispatched the last of the acolytes, and took a look into the shuttle to make sure there were no more surprises waiting. The last mercenary, after a cringe of shock as his associates fell dead around him, had begun shooting again, and Arcann leapt in his direction.

Now Vilius was just fending Ailis off. He could no longer go on the offensive as she rained blow after blow, her lightsaber cutting through the Force-heavy space between them, whipping first to his left, then to his right. She was toying with him, and now it was obvious. The look on his face clearly broadcast his doubt. He had never expected a Jedi to be this powerful, much less this vicious. As Ailis watched the fear grow on his face, she felt certain she understood what his plans for her had been. He’d wanted to torture her, probably didn’t even intend to release her sister regardless of what she did. He’d probably enjoy torturing them together, or one in front of the other.

She couldn’t bear his presence any longer. She’d pretended enough; it was time to end him. End his miserable existence and keep him from hurting anyone else.

She brought her saberstaff back like a spear as if to lunge toward him, then whipped it around her back and across the other side, catching it in her left hand and slicing downward with a furious cry.

Darth Vilius was nowhere near fast enough to counter her. He looked like he wanted to bring his lightsaber up to at least strike back, but his left arm wouldn’t cooperate.

It fell to the ground, detached cleanly at the shoulder by Ailis’s strike. As he began to slump to the ground the wound on the left side of his head became visible.

Arcann had made short work of the final mercenary and was just reaching them as Darth Vilius slumped to the ground, presumably dead. His brows drew together as he watched Ailis, her chest heaving, the dark look on her face not one he’d ever seen there before.

‘Presumably’ was not dead enough for her. She brought her lightsaber down again, plunging it through the Darth’s chest, then again, and again. Arcann finally grabbed her arm; she turned to him angrily, shook his hand off. She quickly ran to her sister.

But as they got there, there was a strange flickering around her sister’s body; they watched as her form faded in and out, and was eventually replaced by one of Darth Vilius’ guards. Ailis gave a scream of frustration and roughly turned him over with her foot; on his back was a holographic device. She thrust him roughly down the gangplank; he was waking up now, the movement jostling him from his imposed bout of unconsciousness.

“WHERE IS SHE?” Ailis demanded hotly, planting one boot on his chest.

The guard cowered, bringing his hands up over his face. “I don’t know anything, Vilius just made me wear this device! I swear!” He cringed as she shoved him away from her. “There was never any Mirialan here!”

Arcann took her arm again, this time refusing to let go when she tried to pull away.

“Ailis!” He grabbed her by the upper arms, shook her slightly.

Suddenly the dark blue light winked out of existence. Ailis focused on his face, then looked around at Darth Vilius, and the shaking guard at her feet. Her lightsaber deactivated and fell to the ground; she followed soon after, sinking to her knees beside the shuttle. Arcann knelt with her, keeping his hands on her arms. She looked up at him, his concerned gaze, no judgement, just worry.

She couldn’t speak. She had no words to ask him what had happened; then again, it wasn’t as if she’d blacked out. She’d drawn on the Force in a rage, and this was the outcome. Almost two dozen people lay dead around the shuttle. Granted, several of those Arcann had taken down, but they’d been actively attacking him. She had cut down those mercenaries before they even got their weapons up. She hadn’t even tried to shield; and she could, it was an ability she’d learned early on. She could have shielded herself and Arcann from the mercs and instead she’d killed them all.

Her eyes fell again on Darth Vilius, his robes smoking, the huge wound on his head, his dismembered arm, the multiple wounds she’d inflicted even after she’d cut him down. She felt sick. This was not the work of a Jedi. She may not consider herself a part of the order any longer, but that didn’t mean she should trample on everything they’d taught her like this. How had she missed that the guard was not her sister? She should have been able to feel her aura, even though Aoife wasn’t force-sensitive. She’d let her anger get the best of her, and so easily!

Out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of the guard trying to rise, and she got too her feet and  made to help him. He cringed away from her, covering his face again.

This was the final straw; her breath choked on a sob, and she put her own hands over her face to hide her tears.

Arcann put his arms around her and held her to his chest. He knew what it was to wake as if from a trance and realize with awful certainty what you’d done. He stroked her back as she wept, shaking, and she could tell that her misery was dragging down his own emotional state, but she didn’t have it in her to shield herself, not yet.

After a few minutes her body stilled and she was able to take a normal breath. She pulled back slightly to wipe her eyes, and Arcann released her to pick up her lightsaber from where she’d dropped it, handing it to her. The guard had snuck into the shuttle to avoid further violence, she presumed. She placed the weapon back on her belt, but as Arcann turned to check on the speeder, she grabbed his hand.

“Arcann…” She wasn’t sure what she wanted to say. That she was sorry he had to see her turn into a raving maniac, worse than many Sith she’d seen? That she appreciated his attempts to calm her? That she wasn’t normally this vicious? She looked down, unable to continue.

As he had in the past, he took her chin in his hand, tilted it up until her aquamarine eyes were upon him. “There’s nothing you need to say. We can discuss it later, if you want to.” She released the breath she was holding; he kissed her forehead and then turned back to the speeder.

Ailis’s tumultuous thoughts vacillated between fear for her sister, and disgust at what she’d done. She had been taught to deal with the death of her opponents with meditation; that she should contemplate what had happened and see if she could improve her actions if the situation arose again. But she didn’t know if she could do that, didn’t know how she could bear to pick apart the battle piece by piece. Not right now, at least. So she decided to focus on her sister; she needed to get in touch with her, make sure she was safe. There was no reason to believe that Darth Vilius had ever had any contact with her….but then again, that hologram had been very convincing. She wondered how he knew what her sister looked like now, well enough to construct an exact replica hologram of her, down to her reddish hair and the tattoos on her cheekbones.

She definitely needed to contact her.

She wondered if she could get anything else out of the guard; now that she’d calmed down, perhaps she could influence him a little to see if he knew anything about where they’d gotten the information for this entire trick. She made her way up the ramp of the shuttle, looked around, and finally found the guard fiddling with the craft’s holocom, which seemed to have been disturbed by the sonic emitter Darth Vilius had used.

He saw her almost immediately, as he kept throwing apprehensive glances over his shoulder. He grew a few shades paler and backed up against the dash where he was working, his eyes widening as she slowly walked toward him. She noticed now how young he was; barely out of his teens.

“Relax, Imperial, I’m not going to harm you.”

He looked doubtful. She probably would too, under the circumstances, she admitted.

“What’s your name?”

“J-Jole Durban…” he stammered out. “I work…I worked for Darth Vilius.”

“Ok, Jole, I just want to talk to you. I need to ask you some questions.”

He blinked at her, but the fact that she hadn’t run him through yet seemed to help him relax ever so slightly; he loosened his death grip on the edge of the dash, just a little.

She tried to project a calming aura toward him, and while he was still wary of her (rightfully, her conscience pointed out), it seemed to have the desired effect.

“Do you know anything else about the device Darth Vilius made you wear?” she inquired, keeping her voice level and soothing.

“N…no; this morning they put it on me, and told me to ‘play the part’. I didn’t know what they meant, but right after you got here, Zhoren, Vilius’ apprentice…he….”

She could sense his fear returning, but it wasn’t because of her this time.

“It’s ok, Jole. Zhoren and Vilius are dead, they can’t do anything else to you.”

“Zhoren said I needed to be…afraid, so he…he told me some things, and I….” He looked down, and she could feel his loathing, as well as shame. Some Sith were truly disgusting, taking joy in inspiring fear and hatred; this man was just trying to do the job he was hired for - he clearly was not malicious enough to be in company like this. Not wanting to make him relive something that was clearly painful to him, she held a hand out.

“It’s ok, I understand. He made you afraid so your act would be more convincing.” Jole nodded, still looking down. “So you didn’t know they were going to drag you outside and knock you out?” He gave a small shake of his head. She sighed. They’d probably chosen him because of his youth and inexperience.

“Did you ever hear them talking about my sister? Aoife? Maybe they talked to someone else, to ask for information about her?” She had to find out what they knew.

“No, I…well, wait. I did hear them on the holocom once. Asking someone about a girl with that name. But I swear that’s all I know.”

They’d have to get it off the holocom history somehow, she decided.

“What….what are you going to do?” he asked, his voice shaky.

“What do you mean?”

“…with me?”

“Nothing, Jole. Can you pilot this shuttle by yourself? You should probably get back to the spaceport and arrange for transport back to…wherever you’re from.”

He looked shocked.

“I…honestly I’m not sure if I can go back, umm…Commander.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Well, Vilius’ friends will find out about what happened, that I was the only one left alive…”

“Good point. Give me five minutes, I’ll work something out.”

“What?”

“Sit tight. Try to make sure the shuttle’s in flight condition.” She turned and made her way back down the ramp and to the speeder, where Arcann had fiddled with some of the blown controls but couldn’t get it started again.

He closed the hood of the speeder, stood, and wiped his hands on the towel she’d thrown in the back seat. “It would appear our transportation is no longer viable, and we now have no parts with which to fix it.”

For an instant, out of nowhere, she felt such a strong rush of affection for him that her breath caught in her throat; how did he have that effect on her so often? Surely it should have worn off by now – they’d been in close contact for about 48 hours straight. She should be used to the way he looked, his proximity, his Force signature. But she wasn’t. She wasn’t sure she ever would be. And strangely, she had no problem with that.

“What?”

She smiled a little tiredly at him. “Oh, nothing. It’s alright about the speeder – if we can get a call out to the Coalition Staging camp, we can take Vilius’ shuttle there. They won’t be hostile, regardless, but I’d rather let them know what happened so they don’t have a meltdown when we exit the shuttle.”

He handed her the holocom, which seemed to be functional. She made the call, speaking to a Republic lieutenant; she didn’t give him all the details but just said there’d been an incident and they’d be incoming on Darth Vilius’ shuttle, and to let the Imp side of the camp know. The lieutenant agreed, and she and Arcann proceeded to grab their things from the speeder and headed back to the shuttle.

When they entered, they found Jole running the final systems checks on the shuttle. He was a little taken aback by Arcann’s presence; sometimes Ailis forgot that he could seem quite intimidating to people who didn’t know him. Well, also to people who did know him. Just…not to her. This thought made a flutterplume turn over in her stomach, but she repressed it.

“Arcann, this is Jole. Jole works for the Alliance now.”

Arcann merely raised an eyebrow. Jole’s reaction was more incredulous.

“What?! But…but I helped Vilius try to kill you!”

“Nonsense. You were merely doing your job, and in case you’ve forgotten, you were unconscious for the entire battle. Who knows – maybe you would have jumped in front of a lightsaber to save me, had you only been awake,” she joked. She was trying to put him more at ease, but he just gaped at her.

“I…I don’t know what to say, Commander,” he stammered.

“Well I won’t force you to come with us. But if you’d like to, you’ve got a place in Odessen. My associates will have to vet you of course, but…”

“That’s…that’s perfectly fine, ma’am! Commander! Oh but—“

He stopped, blushed, looked down.

“What is it, Jole?”

“I have….I have a sister. In Kaas City. I can’t leave her behind. I’ll have to go back, I’m sorry Commander.” He looked quite crestfallen.

“You can get me her information and I’ll have Lana Beniko bring her back to Odessen, she should be returning from Dromund Kaas very shortly. Hopefully she hasn’t left yet.”

Arcann looked askance at her, and murmured something about Odessen becoming a pet refuge. She ignored him.

Jole was profuse in his appreciation, and once she’d convinced him he could calm down, they were able to get the shuttle airborne and headed in the direction of the Coalition Staging area. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to Odessen

The next obstacle would be how to remove the holocom from the shuttle so she could take it back to Theron for analysis. Then they had to figure out how to get back to her ship and away from Yavin 4 without Darth Vilius’ remaining staff catching wind and initiating some sort of useless conflict. It would only take about twenty minutes to get back to the camp in the shuttle – it would have taken hours on the old speeder, so they were saving a lot of time, but it also meant they only had that much time to resolve the holocom issue.

Once they were underway with Jole at the controls, she turned to the holocom. She needed the data on it, but her own data pad wouldn’t hold that amount of information. She’d have to find another one, or a datacard somewhere. She began rummaging around the shuttle; not being familiar with it, she couldn’t seem to find anything of use. Jole wasn’t much more help; all he could do was point out a cabinet that might have an empty datapad in it, but she struck out there as well.

They were nearing the camp and could see that they’d be setting down near where her ship was parked, giving Ailis hope that they could vacate the premises without causing too much of a stir. First, however, she needed that holocom data.

Seeing that she was at her wits’ end, Arcann took matters into his own hands. He pried the panel off the front of the holocom, searching to see if the data was stored locally or on the ship’s data files. He found what he was looking for immediately, ripped it out from beneath the holocom, sparks falling all over the floor as he withdrew it, and put it in his pack.

Ailis stared at him, open-mouthed.

“What? This should have everything you need.”

 “I didn’t really take you for the vandalism type…” she trailed off, amused.

His half smile appeared. “When the need calls for it.”

The shuttle lurched slightly as it settled on the Republic landing pad; Jole dashed to the door and lowered the ramp.

Ailis approached the Republic Lieutenant she’d spoken to earlier. “Please see that Darth Vilius’ shuttle gets back to his ship, would you?”

The soldier looked confused, but agreed; something about the look on the Commander’s face as she requested it made him think twice about questioning her. When Jole exited the shuttle behind them, and proceeded to trot toward the Commander’s ship, the Lieutenant’s eyebrows rose even higher, his eyes following the Imperial. 

“Don’t worry about it, Lieutenant. It doesn’t concern you.” Ailis said, inflecting her voice with just the slightest hint of the Force, and the Lieutenant glanced back to her, blinking.

“Of course, Commander. It doesn’t concern me.” He turned and walked back to his post, a rather blank expression on his face.

She hastened to Jole’s side, using a little more of the Force to cloak them - she was no good at actual stealth, but she could at least make them less obvious, and therefore less likely to get questioned further. Once they successfully entered the ship and the ramp had been raised, she leaned against the bulkhead with a sigh of (very slight) relief – the first obstacle was behind them now. She didn’t like to use Force tricks unless threatened, but she just couldn’t be sure what the other members of Darth Vilius’ team would do if they caught wind of what had happened before she left. It would be smart for them to return to Dromund Kaas, but it was equally as likely that they would try to pursue her. That would end badly for them, and she didn’t want any more lives on her conscience.

She and Arcann sat down at the console and proceeded to depart the planet with all haste. Just to be safe, they checked navigation to see where Darth Vilius’ ship was located in orbit; it was currently roughly above the base, so they’d need to fly low in the atmosphere to avoid showing up on the Imperial scanners before leaving the atmosphere.

She dodged temple towers, swerved around mountain tops, and darted between stands of trees as she maneuvered a third of the way around the planet; then, deciding that was enough breathing room, she entered the coordinates for Odessen.

But something had happened to clue in the Darth’s minions to her whereabouts; perhaps one of the Imperials at the staging camp had caught sight of the shuttle and gotten suspicious. She didn’t think they’d fire on her, considering the Eternal Alliance’s cordial relationship with the Empire and Empress Acina, but doubt still nagged.

They just had another 30 seconds before they could enter hyperspace; if they could just avoid the other ship until then—

 “Incoming holocall from Darth Vilius’ ship, Commander…” Jole wrung his hands as he stared at the ship’s holocom, as if willing it to be silent.

Should she answer it? What would she tell them? That she’d massacred their lord and all his people? That the ones left on the ship were lucky to be alive? She couldn’t let them know she had Jole, either. Better to just ignore it.

She pressed the button on the ship’s holocom to silence the call, took a deep breath, and prepared the ship for hyperspace.

The holocom indicator continued to flash accusingly, but they only had another 10 seconds before they made the jump.

“Commander, won’t they come after us on Odessen?” Jole inquired, his voice carrying the high pitch of great concern.

“I’d like to see them try,” she replied grimly.

The dash lit up – the other ship was targeting them.

“They’re trying to lock a tractor beam on us, Commander. Their ship is much larger than yours…” Arcann’s voice had a faintly worried tone that did nothing to calm her own nerves.

“No need to insult the size of my ship, Arcann.” That earned her a wry chuckle. Two more seconds.

Just as the other ship powered up its tractor beam, they made the jump; stars blurred on the viewing screen as they sped through hyperspace, successfully avoiding a violent confrontation with Vilius’ ship and its occupants.

***

The crisis averted, for the moment at least, Ailis sent an encrypted holo-message to Lana, requesting her to pick up Jole’s sister, Varix, before she left Dromund Kaas.

Arcann and Jole experimented with the holocom from Vilius’ ship, but that, too, was encrypted, and was beyond their ability to crack on the ship. They decided to let Theron have a look at it once they got back to Odessen.

The next few hours were some of the longest of Ailis’s life.

She took Jole to the med bay and made him lie down on one of the beds there; he seemed fairly overwrought about the brush with Vilius’ ship. Arcann had volunteered to remain at the controls; he seemed aware that she needed some time to herself to meditate.

She paced in her quarters for hours. There were so many feelings pushing and pulling at her, obligations warring with desires, regrets layered with hopes.

She felt self-loathing boiling beneath the surface of her skin, an itch she couldn’t manage to scratch, physically or mentally. What she had done to all those people…she’d killed others in combat before, of course. But she normally resorted to her shield automatically; this time she had jumped straight to offensive tactics.

Why?

She remembered the disgust she’d experienced while fighting Vilius. Her Jedi training had taught her to rise above those feelings; maybe she was no longer a Jedi, but she felt the truth of much of what they’d taught her, at least to some extent. Negative feelings needed to be controlled and diminished, and the easiest way to do that, for many, was to eliminate all strong emotions whatsoever. Ailis hadn’t found this to be a solution that worked for her, although many Jedi adhered strictly to it. What if she’d made a mistake?

She wanted nothing more than to confess her fears to Arcann, have him reassure her that she wasn’t straying from the path she’d set for herself, a path of helping others…but she was also terribly afraid. Afraid of what happened to her when she was near him – her feelings were on overload enough just having him on the ship with her. She had to control herself, she couldn’t allow any of what she felt to surface in front of their new recruit. But more than any of that: what if Arcann thought ill of her, beneath his calm exterior? What if he felt like she was becoming the monster that he used to be, that he was trying to distance himself from?

She tried for the third time to meditate, and was finally moderately successful. As it had many times in the past, the comforting blanket of the Force cloaked her in serenity, and she was able to sort her chaotic thoughts. She was changing; that truth was unavoidable. The Force lightning that had jumped to her fingertips when she fought Vilius left little doubt in her mind that something was different. But she just needed to re-center herself, do some more in-depth meditation exercises, perhaps talk to Sana-Rae when they returned to Odessen. It wasn’t as if she’d just tumbled to the Dark Side (whose mere existence was debatable) because of one incident.

Once she felt a little better, she started to return to the front of the ship to help Arcann at the controls. But she stopped herself – if she was being honest, he didn’t need her help; she just wanted to be near him. And with her hard-won state of calm hanging in the balance, she knew it was best to remain alone for the remainder of the trip. She needed to stop relying so heavily on his presence to make her feel…whole. She’d relied only on herself, and to a small extent her friends and other Jedi, her entire life. Surely one person couldn’t, or shouldn’t, change that. Especially not after a few short days.

Finally they arrived back at Odessen, and she was able to assist Arcann with landing the ship while maintaining her tranquility, and without alerting Jole to any undercurrents between herself and her companion. But she itched to be off the ship - her inner turmoil needed more than a few hours in her quarters on the ship to resolve. And Arcann’s proximity, coupled with Jole’s worried presence, was only exacerbating the situation.

She was nearly dancing with impatience by the time they were fully docked and could exit the ship.

As they disembarked, she saw several people glancing suspiciously in their direction. Since Lana and Theron were well aware of the situation, it wasn’t surprising that people would already know she was bringing back a new recruit. She hadn’t really expected them to be this apprehensive of him, though; new allies were regularly brought to the base. There were several expressions that were downright sneers. And it wasn’t all former members of the Republic; that was strange…

Then it hit her. It wasn’t the Imperial that she was bringing back with her that was causing this distrust. It was Arcann.

They thought he was somehow responsible for the delay, that he’d stranded them with malicious intent.

“C-Commander? Are you alright?” She turned to Jole, who had stopped in front of her, and was looking at her with a little bit of fear in his eyes. She was confused until Arcann put a hand on her arm.

“Ailis. Calm down.” She looked down and realized that faint blue lightning was dancing over her hands, which were clenched into fists. Her precarious peace, destroyed just like that. She closed her eyes, focused inwardly, and let the Force calm her like a warm blanket. After a few seconds the lightning dissipated, and she opened her eyes to find Arcann’s on her, concerned.

She took a deep breath to maintain her calm before she spoke. “I’m fine, thank you. We will talk about it later.” She gave a weak smile to Jole and continued on to the War Room to introduce him to her allies.

Lana had not yet returned from Dromund Kaas, but the other members of her team were there to greet her. As usual, Theron promised a thorough investigation into the accuracy of Jole’s story, in what was perhaps a little too much detail, which naturally had Jole quaking in his boots. Koth was his usual friendly self, promising to take “the kid” out for a beer once he’d settled in. Senya played the mother hen, dragging him to Beywan Aygo for debriefing.

Theron had taken Arcann aside to discuss the Vilius incident; Arcann had agreed on the ship to leave out the details of how she’d defeated the Darth, for now. She didn’t want to cause any more of an uproar than necessary. 

“Commander,” Koth began, throwing a dark glance at Arcann. “Can I talk to you about something?”

She could feel his mistrust, and she had to carefully control her reaction.

“If you have something to get off your chest, Koth, please go ahead,” she replied mildly; Arcann was not in earshot.

“Look, I know you trust Arcann. But a lot of us were really concerned when you disappeared.”

“I appreciate your concern, but as you can see, everything is fine.” She just looked him in the eye, almost daring him to continue. He was oblivious to her mood, however, and forged ahead.

“Yeah, I know you can defend yourself against Sith, that’s not really the issue. Are you sure you should be going on missions alone with him? I mean—“

“Koth. Stop.” She still didn’t raise her voice.

“I’m just saying, people are pretty antsy about it, and you really don’t know what he—“

“By people, you mean you?” she ground out.

“Well, me and a lot of others, but…” He was finally beginning to notice her posture and the glint in her eyes, and he trailed off. His gaze flickered to where Senya was returning from the hangar. He’d get no support from that quarter.

She was breathing through flared nostrils, and she closed her eyes for a moment to regain a little composure before she raised her voice and spoke.

“Everyone, please listen.” Several heads turned towards her, curious. “Koth,” she began, and was satisfied to see dismay cross his face as he realized she was going to call him out, “has notified me of some…concern about who I choose to take on my missions.”

A few eyebrows raised; no one would want to get on the Commander’s bad side, Jedi or not, and some of them seemed surprised at Koth’s audacity in confronting her. Arcann’s brow lowered – whether in anger at Koth, or dismay at what was about to be a public speech, she didn’t know.

“I appreciate everyone’s concern for my well-being. However,” her brow lowered, giving her the look of a dark gold storm cloud. “I will NOT allow members of this Alliance to continue disparaging an ally this blatantly, and if I hear a single person make another comment about me traveling with Arcann, I will remove them from this Alliance, and from this planet. Is that clear?”

Eyes were wide around the room; Koth looked like he wanted to sink into the ground, Arcann appeared shocked and a little embarrassed, and Senya’s eyes were narrowed as she stared at her. Finally Ailis turned on her heel and stalked to the lift, heading to her quarters.

Senya caught up with her and jumped onto the lift just before it left.

“So, Commander.”

Ailis glanced sideways at the other woman, not knowing what to expect.

She was smiling smugly.

“Wait, what are you so chipper about?”

“Oh, nothing…I’ve just recently made a discovery that fills me with delight.”

Ailis was suspicious now; while it was possible that Senya had guessed her feelings for Arcann based on her speech, it didn’t seem likely that she would greatly approve of it, so surely that wasn’t the cause. “Oh really? And what’s that?”

“I’m sure you want to take a nice hot bath after your travels, Commander. Don’t let me delay you. Perhaps you can meet me in the Cantina this evening?”

Ailis didn’t know if she could face Senya’s arch glances any time soon. “I...need to catch up on some reports,” she lied. “Maybe we can try tomorrow?”

She ignored Senya’s knowing look and hopped off the lift. She hurried to her chambers, trying to make sense of Senya’s strange behavior, as well as her own anger, which seemed to be getting more and more out of hand, despite her attempts to quell it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ailis and Arcann take things a bit further...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This entire chapter is VERY NSFW.

Later that afternoon, Ailis was curled up on her couch in her quarters, her mane of pale hair waving wildly about her head, having spent almost an hour in the shower. She’d donned a loose, flowy sleeveless shirt and a comfortable pair of shorts, and she had a blanket thrown over her legs. She was making some notes on her datapad regarding the property on Yavin 4 – she still hadn’t mentioned it to Lana, but she wanted to make sure she reclaimed the real estate and got everything up and running again. Just in case.

She didn’t allow herself to dwell on ‘in case of what’.

She had made rather a spectacle in the War Room. But she stood by her words – she wouldn’t allow anyone else to speak negatively of Arcann; after everything he’d been through, he deserved to be trusted by what were now his own allies. It had been months since Valkorion was defeated, and even more months since he’d joined them at his sister’s Coronation party. Then he’d defended them on Odessen when she’d attacked, and been a deciding factor in her defeat of Valkorion. He was a different person now, and they needed to learn forgiveness.

Thinking about it was making her angry again; she needed to get control of her emotions. She could feel Arcann nearby, and while this was normal since his quarters were in the same general area as hers, she was going to have to work hard to ignore his presence. Now that she was even more emotionally in tune with him, in addition to her ability, his presence was like a flare in the force to her.

She was trying to finish recording her train of thought about the Yavin temple when the door buzzed. “Come in,” she said without looking up. It was probably Lana coming to check on her – no doubt Theron had told her upon her return about the Commander’s outburst.

When she finally glanced at the door, Arcann was standing there. As usual, her heart rate immediately increased, and her face felt a little warm; warmer still when he walked further into the room and the door slid shut behind him. He too had showered and was wearing clothes similar to those he’d worn on their trip. The ones that had gotten wet yesterday morning in the pond…she blinked hard and tried to clear her head. But his shirt was blue…and his eyes…

She hoped he hadn’t come to ask any awkward questions about her little speech in the War Room. She wasn’t sure she could answer him without stammering. And Jedi are not supposed to stammer.

The Force was clearly not with her in that moment.

“I wanted to talk to you about…what happened earlier.” Arcann seemed uncomfortable, and she worried that maybe she had done more harm than good with her little speech…she was already self-conscious about her vehemence; if she’d alienated him as well, the perfection of her day would be complete.

“I apologize if I embarrassed you,” she replied, thanking the stars that although her face was hot she managed to speak the words steadily.  “I…might have gotten a little carried away.”

He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. “I did not come here to get an apology from you, Ailis.” She was very briefly distracted by her name on his lips – would she never tire of the way it sounded? Her stomach did a little flip that had nothing to do with her guilt. She focused again on his face; he seemed unsure how to proceed.

“Arcann please, tell me what is wrong.” She wanted to reassure him, but didn’t know how.

“I should never have gone with you on that mission,” he said abruptly, sitting in the chair across from her, putting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.

This time her insides felt like they were sinking through the floor; she almost felt nauseous. Was this what he’d come to tell her? That everything they’d shared over the past few days had been…a mistake?

“I…I’m sorry you feel that way….” she managed. Hearing her tone of voice, he looked up. But she rushed ahead. “In that case I will also apologize for…for making people think…that we…that you…” This time she couldn’t finish; she cleared her throat, set her datapad aside and made to stand up, more to distract herself from the thick ache in her belly than with any real motive. But before she could, he vacated the chair and dropped to one knee in front of her, taking her hand. Her emotions as well as her thoughts were in an impossible tangle - she felt sure he could hear her heart it began hammering so loudly. She felt swallowed by his gaze, as if she could drown in the icy pools of his eyes. But on the other hand, if he didn’t want her, if he meant to let her down gently...drowning would seem like a blessing.

“That is _not_ what I meant.” He sounded very insistent, almost a little angry. Immediately hope flared and buoyed the weight of her mood. “I meant that I shouldn’t have exposed you to all this…gossip, and this conjecture, for my sake. It undermines your leadership, and I can’t let you be dragged down just for associating with me.” He was looking at her hand, resting in his; the heated tone to his voice was still there, but she could hear an undercurrent of something darker, sadder.

Suddenly she was reminded of everything that he was, everything he’d been through, and felt stupid for being so concerned over the possibility of his rejection. Yes, if he rejected her, she would be heartbroken – but how could she compare that to the mass of grim emotion he carried around with him, constantly, NEVER able to put it down? It was unfair of her.

She reached out, laid her hand gently against his cheek. He looked up at her, and the well of bitterness in his eyes confirmed that it was self-blame that had brought him here, not rejection or even concern over her outburst. Her feelings for him constricted around her heart, making it hard to breathe; how would she ever convince him of what he was worth? Maybe she couldn’t. But she wouldn’t stop trying.

“Whatever this is between us, Arcann, it makes me stronger, not weaker,” she insisted. He searched her eyes, and the shadows behind his own began to lighten ever so slightly. “It’s true, some of them may not understand. They may not trust you, even though you’ve given them plenty of reason to by now. But I need allies who trust _me_ to make the right decisions, and who believe I know what’s good for the Alliance, and for myself. _You_ are good for me, Arcann.”

She leaned forward and briefly, gently touched her lips to his. He gave a small sigh that sounded almost like relief, leaving his eyes closed for a moment after she pulled back.

He gave her that half-smile that she so adored, and reached up to touch her hair. “I dreaded coming to you, I was so afraid you’d agree with me. I should have known better.”

“You’re right, you should have,” she teased in reply. This time Arcann leaned into her, and his kiss was a little more insistent. The weight in her stomach was instantly overwhelmed by turmoil of a different kind. Abruptly the thought occurred to her that they were alone, in her chambers.

Honestly, the speed with which she could change gears when near him was disconcerting. She pushed the thought aside; they’d been alone before; no need for her hormones go into overdrive just because of that.

At least, that’s what she told herself – but her body had different ideas. She threw off her blanket, uncrossed her legs. Arcann, seeing so much of her dusky gold skin exposed, drew in a breath. Encouraged by this, she boldly put one leg on either side of him. What was it about him that made her act so shameless, so out of character? She could feel her face heating up, but her embarrassment was not enough to deter her. She wasn’t going to try to corner him into doing anything he didn’t want, but she could at least show him the affection she’d had to keep hidden for the past day. Affection that she desperately wanted to convince him was real, and deserved.

She snaked her left hand around his neck, gazing into the icy blue of his eyes as she pulled him closer to her. Now she regretted every moment he wasn’t within arm’s reach of her. His right hand touched her ankle, slid up her calf, over her knee, her thigh. As he wrapped his arm around her waist she scooted forward so she could have even more contact with him. But she was stopped by his knee, which was against the couch. When she broke away from him and looked down, he immediately stood up, pulling her with him almost roughly, his body now pressed against hers, just as she wanted it. His right hand rested warmly against her upper back, where her wet hair had dampened her shirt. Her hand went to his left shoulder; he flinched for a moment, drew back slightly. She thought it was because he was still wary of her reaction to his arm; surely her behavior in the speeder yesterday had put that concern to rest…

Then it occurred to her – what if it hurt him, all the time?

She needed to see it.

She watched his face as she moved both hands to his shirt, pulled gently at the edge, slid her hands underneath. He gasped as her hands came into contact with the bare skin of his stomach.

She closed her eyes; he was so warm and solid. His body felt so good, so right underneath her fingers, she wanted to devour him, right then. But she needed to explore further. Her hands moved up and around, sliding over his ribcage, his chest, which was rising and falling rapidly now. As her hands moved around the sides of his torso he tensed; then she felt the scars that furrowed his skin. She was careful not to pause as her hand glided over the roughness, wanting to assure him once and for all that it really didn’t bother her.

Her hands continued around to his back, stroking upward over the hard muscles. For just a moment she dug her fingers in, because she’d dreamed about doing it, and now she could. Arcann growled, propelling her need for him to new heights. He claimed her lips again, but she wouldn’t let that deter her; as he plundered her mouth, her hands went back down to the bottom of his shirt, pulling gently. He didn’t stop her, and she very slowly lifted it higher, and higher still, until it was up to his chest, and he reached up and pulled it the rest of the way off.

She pulled back from him slightly, wanting to drink him in with her eyes.

She couldn’t imagine anything in the galaxy as beautiful as this man. She ran her hands up his chest, his muscles firm but not vainly so, and over one well-built shoulder. Tattoos she hadn’t even realized he had covered his right arm; he couldn’t know what a catalyst this was for her already raging hormones. Something about tattoos had always been ridiculously attractive to her – that was all she needed, to be more fascinated by him. The geometric patterns did nothing but enhance the muscles gathered beneath his skin; she took a moment to slowly run her hand down his arm, closing her eyes for a moment when he flexed as he pulled her closer to him.

Then she looked at his other shoulder; he was right, it was disconcerting – more than anything, because it looked like it must be sore, if not downright agonizing. She gingerly touched the ragged, scarred skin that disappeared underneath the metal of his left shoulder…he winced, and she wondered again if it was due to physical pain.

“Does it…hurt, still?” She dreaded the answer; the idea that he constantly suffered due to a tangible scar, in addition to the emotional beatings he’d taken in his life…

“Only after strenuous activity,” he murmured against her forehead, and she was relieved. “Lately only if I practice too hard, since I haven’t been doing battle with many insanely skilled Jedi.” She chuckled, glad he could joke about it, if only for a moment.

“Duly noted,” she replied, growing serious again. Tentatively, his left hand roamed over her back. Now that he’d allowed her to see him, see his arm, his scars…was he ready? She shivered at the thought that soon she might be able to have him, in the way that she wanted…have him inside her. Her desire for him throbbed almost painfully, and her knees felt weak for a moment.

He immediately began to pull his arm away, thinking he’d done something wrong by touching her.

“Arcann, wait,” she reassured him, taking hold of his hand. She placed his metal hand on her hip, just beneath the edge of her loose shirt, then guided it upward until it met the bare skin of her waist. His breath was ragged now, as she encouraged him to explore with both hands. His right hand drifted into her silken hair, as it always did. The knowledge that he was so taken with it made her feel warm inside, for some reason; it seemed so intimate, the way he touched it, weighed it, drew it between his fingers.

Then his left hand skimmed the side of her breast under her shirt, and she drew in a sharp breath, closing her eyes. He maneuvered her shirt into his hand and pulled upward; obediently she lifted her arms, and he drew the shirt over her head.

This time, her hair was all falling down her back; there was nothing to hide behind. But somehow she felt proud to be seen by him, touched by him. The reverence in his gaze felt so new, so different from anything she’d experienced before. He let his eyes rove over her, and she could feel his hunger, his need.

But still, he didn’t seem like he could quite make up his mind to really touch her; he kept his right hand behind her head, buried in her hair, as he leaned down and used his lips and then his teeth on her sensitive neck. She whimpered, and she felt his left hand tighten on her ribcage. Continuing to lean her head back to allow him access to the pulse beating at her throat, she took his left hand and slid it upwards, until finally it closed over her breast, the cool metal against her skin sending an almost perceptible shock through her.

Arcann groaned into her neck, and his right hand swiftly moved from behind her head to cup her rear, yanking her tighter against him. She gasped as his length pressed against her; this time there was less fabric between them. He bent his head even further, trailing kisses across her collarbone, then below. She arched her back and put her hand on his head as he pressed kisses to her soft flesh. She thought she was going to melt from anticipation; then he finally took her taut nipple in his mouth. She let out a little cry that he responded to by suckling, then gently biting with his teeth. She dug her fingers into the corded muscles of his right shoulder.

She almost didn’t realize his hands were pulling at her shorts, sliding them down over her hips. She was so aroused it was almost painful; what he was doing now was bad enough, but then the thought intruded of what he was _about_ to do, and she almost couldn’t stand it. The feeling of his hands sliding down over her naked hips, her shorts pooling at her feet…she would never forget any of these things, she vowed. She had never wanted anything so badly in her whole life as she wanted him.

But he had somewhat different ideas. Drawing back from her, he stood up and easily lifted her from the ground, her body cradled against his as he walked toward the bedroom of her suite. She couldn’t breathe properly; before she could wrap her legs around him he deposited her on the bed. She immediately reached for his pants, and this time he let her; a couple of fasteners and they were loose. Mimicking the motion he’d used on her a few minutes ago, she slid her fingers beneath the waistband at both hips, and slowly slid them down. Before she got them any further, he grabbed her wrist.

 _Please don’t stop me_ , she thought desperately. _I can’t take it again_. She pleaded with her eyes, but he just touched her face.

“Ailis…” She leaned her cheek into his hand. “Please, you have to promise me…”

His voice was ragged with desire, and she knew it was taking all he had to stop what they were doing and ask her this; it had to be important.

“Promise you’ll stop me if I hurt you.”

Again she was reminded of his size, and suddenly the idea of him hurting her, in the context he was using, caused a pulse between her legs.

“I promise I’ll stop you…if I want you to stop.”

Apparently that was the right answer; he made a noise in his throat and practically ripped his pants the rest of the way off.

He was…magnificent. She’d always known he was solidly built (all over), and once she’d seen him in wet clothes, she had an even better idea. But this…

His legs were just as impressively built as his upper half, the muscles of his thighs well-developed, his hips…stars, his hips. The left side was faintly scarred, growing worse as the damage crept up his torso. The slight line of hair that traced down his abdomen…

She reached out her hand…touched him, hesitantly at first, but when he made a noise she couldn’t help herself, she wrapped both hands around his hard length. She stroked him slowly, as if memorizing every single inch of him.

There was no way she could put all of him in her mouth, but she could at least put her lips on him, tease him with her tongue. She leaned forward.

“Ailis….” he murmured. “You don’t have to…”

She was surprised; didn’t have to? She wanted to – _needed_ to.

“Shhhh,” she replied, her breath a sigh against his tip. He shuddered, and she felt immensely gratified to have the effect on his body that he normally had on hers. She looked up at him as she lowered her face to the base of his shaft, and pressed her tongue to it, dragging it all the way up. This time his groan sounded almost pained.

She knew what it was like to want someone so badly it physically hurt.

She lowered her mouth over him, taking a few inches of him into her mouth. He grabbed a handful of her hair as she slid her mouth up and down, then withdrew and swirled her tongue around his tip.

Suddenly he pulled away from her. She only had to worry for a moment – he pushed her back slightly, then knelt down in front of her.

Oh, stars, was he doing what she thought he was doing….the look in his eye communicated a resounding yes.

He put a hand on each of her knees….and slowly, gently spread them apart. She physically felt herself get even more wet as he did this; she had fantasized about him spreading her legs so many times, but the reality…

Then he touched her. She let her head fall back, moaned quietly as he explored between her legs with his fingers.

 _Please, please, please_ , she begged silently as he stroked and teased her heat. Finally he obliged.

He slid his finger into her. She cried out, arched her back. He withdrew, then pushed two fingers in. Almost before she could process the jolt of pleasure this sent through her, his lips were on her inner thigh. Suddenly she realized that if he actually put his tongue on her, she would come before they’d even gotten to the best part. She put her hand on his head.

“Arcann…” she breathed, her words almost a whimper.

“Hmmmm?” he rumbled against her thigh, closer now to the softness between her legs, his fingers still pressing inside her.

“If you….I can’t….” She couldn’t even put two thoughts together to express herself. She felt like she was losing her mind, and she didn’t even care.

“It’s ok, my love, I know. I need you as wet as possible before I can enter you.”

Stars and galaxies, she’d thought she couldn’t possibly get more aroused, but those words, in that voice – it was nearly enough to send her over the edge. And…wait, what had he called her? Her brain struggled to focus, but then his left hand slid down from its place on her belly, and metal fingers spread her apart so he could access her with his tongue.

Every time she felt like she was at the height of her need and couldn’t possibly take any more, he would do something else. How was she even going to survive this?

He gently probed with his tongue until he found a spot that made her hips jerk; he swirled his tongue around it, pushing his fingers into her over and over as he did. She had one hand in the sheets, and the other gripped his mechanical wrist; when he suckled lightly on her most sensitive spot, her fingers tightened around his arm, and she could feel him smile against her.

“Arcann…please…” she couldn’t get any other words out.

He withdrew his fingers; she moaned in frustration, but then, he slowly, gently, slid 3 fingers into her. She whimpered as he pushed them deeper; she could the waves of pleasure starting, she couldn’t hold back any more. She cried out his name as her world exploded, her body shaking; he groaned as well as her body tightened around his fingers.

As soon as her shuddering had subsided, he withdrew his hand and slid up along her body, scooting her up on the bed so she was in the middle instead of at the edge. The feeling of his skin against her skin was more than she ever could have wished for. Even after the heights he’d just brought her to, her arousal was still raging; she was panting for him.

He held himself up on his elbows; he seemed almost reluctant. Finally her sex-clouded mind realized he was still afraid of hurting her. She would have to take the initiative. She reached down with one hand, gripped him, and guided him to her. With her other hand she spread herself apart to allow him easier entry. She moved her hips slightly, pushing against him.

She removed her hand from his length and pulled his face down to hers, and he met her lips with his own. “Please,” she sighed against his mouth.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he entered her.

Just a few inches – she was so wet that at first he penetrated her tightness easily. She slid her hands up his back, clutched at him. Then he pushed deeper, and that _did_ hurt. But having him inside her was more than worth a little pain. She spread her legs a little farther, angled her hips upward. He slid in another inch or two. She gasped his name against his mouth.

He withdrew slightly, thrust in again. She whimpered but kept her arms around him, not wanting him to pull away. “Ailis…” he growled, and she thought she would come again just hearing him say her name that way, knowing he was getting as much pleasure as she was from this.

“Ailis….I’m sorry.” What? What did that mean? Was he going to stop?

“Please don’t stop Arcann, please,” she begged as he withdrew almost completely. She slid her hands down to clutch his muscular ass, trying her best to encourage him to enter her again. He reached down to take each one of her legs and move it even further apart; they were spread almost painfully now, but she didn’t care. All she wanted was for him to be back inside her.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured again.

And then he thrust fully into her, his length filling her completely, his hips pressing into her thighs.

She couldn’t prevent a loud cry; it was more painful than she’d imagined, but not only that. There was pleasure mixed with the pain, and as he gathered her in his arms and began to move inside her, almost all the pain faded. He wasn’t sliding in and out like in her other encounters with men – she thought he knew it would be painful if he did, this first time. Instead, he just remained inside her, but the way he was moving his hardness within her was applying pressure in exactly the right place. She collected her thoughts enough to worry, for one moment, if he was getting enough pleasure out of this, or was he sacrificing his own needs for hers.

But she only worried about this for a moment before he groaned her name into her ear, sending even more shivers down her spine. Before she realized what he was doing, he reached his left hand in between their bodies, now slick with sweat.

He touched her – he knew exactly where, now. He stroked her, his metal fingers cool against her heat. But every time she would get close to another orgasm, he would stop for a few seconds, until she was almost sobbing with frustration.

After a few minutes he did pull out, slightly, and then pushed back into her, his length thrusting into her core. He continued doing this as he reapplied his fingers, this time not pulling them away as she was about to come. She cried out his name, arching her back as the first wave hit her, then the next; he kept thrusting as her body tightened around him. He gave a tortured moan when, just as her body started to still, he pushed into her one last time, harder than before, and she could feel him pulsing inside her, spilling his seed – and to her shock, she felt another ripple in response; she gasped, he flexed again, and this time she kissed him as she came a third time.

Arcann kissed her cheek, her eyebrow, her nose, her jaw.

Her heart was so full of emotion for him she could hardly contain it. She felt a tear roll down her cheek.

He leaned away from her, propped up on his left arm, and caught the tear with his finger.

“What’s wrong, Ailis? Did I hurt you?” The concern in his voice…

“I love you!” she blurted out. Her eyes popped open. That wasn’t what she’d meant to say at all! Oh, stars. What would he think of her? Of course, they cared about each other, and they’d just shared the most amazing sex she’d ever had in her life, but…that didn’t mean he needed or wanted her to get too attached. What if—

He’d lowered himself back against her now and was brushing her hair away from her face. “Well, that’s a relief,” he murmured in her ear, then kissed her temple.

What?

“I wasn’t sure you heard my slip of the tongue earlier,” he added.

“I…I thought I did, I just…I was…busy,” she finished lamely. He chuckled, and feeling the rumble of his laugh against her chest, their bodies entwined like this…she’d never felt such happiness in her entire life.

In one motion he withdrew from her and rolled them over so she was laying on top of him, her leg draped over him. He stroked her hair, now a little damp with sweat. She nestled into the curve of his arm, her hand on his chest. She traced her fingers over the unmarred skin, then over the scars.

How in the galaxy had she come to this moment? She thought back to when she’d first seen him, what seemed like a lifetime ago. She hadn’t been lying, on Yavin 4, when she’d told him she was attracted to him then. The very hum of his presence in the Force was like a caress; his voice like an intimate embrace when he spoke to her that first time. Then later, even without her friendship with Senya, she didn’t think she could have let him die, regardless of what he’d done. Thankfully Senya had pleaded with her to let them escape, and she’d had a perfect excuse to do so. She had tried her damnedest to convince herself it was Senya she was obliging. But she could admit now that that was a lie.

And then in Zakuul, when he’d jumped from his ship, sans mask…she thought she’d done an admirable job of keeping her cool, merely making an offhand comment when what she’d want to say was…something much more emphatic.

So many times that frisson of electricity had pulsed through her, that jolt of attraction that she tried so hard to deny, to quell, without success.

So many months she had looked at him across the War Room, tried and failed to draw him out of his shell, invited him to the cantina…none of which seemed to have any effect on his view of her. She was always The Commander to him; she’d begun to lose hope that would ever change, that morning when he approached her on the hill. Just a few short days ago, she thought, amazed.

Everything was different now. _She_ was different. She’d never felt so strongly that something was right, as she did about the two of them. She’d known already that he had great capacity for good, that he was honorable and considerate, although he presented the world with a stoic and what could seem like an uncaring façade. But after these past few days, she knew so much more; she knew the pain he dealt with, his fears, his concerns, and, she hoped, his needs and desires. To an extent, at least. She was determined to continue learning.

She kissed his chest, and he gave a contented sigh. She looked up at him; his eyes were closed, and there was a pleased smile on his face.

He looked like she felt, and she was satisfied. She laid her head back down and wrapped her arm around his left side, clutching him close to her.

Finally, she broke the silence.

“I think I fell in love with you when you jumped out of the shuttle at the Palace,” she said, half teasing, but half serious.

“That long ago, hmm?” He replied, his voice rumbling against her cheek.

“Well, you came to my rescue,” she explained, but then could not prevent a giggle.

“As if you needed rescuing,” he chuckled. “I don’t think you ever have, or ever will need anyone’s assistance in combat.”

“Your faith in my abilities is very gratifying.” But then she grew serious, and sat up, wanting to see his face.  He rose as well, pulling her into his lap as he leaned against the head of the bed. “But I will _always_ need you, Arcann.”

He searched her eyes for a moment, then pulled her toward him, his lips meeting hers so lovingly it caused her heart to give a lurch. “And I will always be here.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A familiar essence appears, Senya has The Talk with the Outlander, and Ailis uses an interesting technique to help Arcann work through his darker emotions...

It must have been just before dawn when she woke up, judging by the very faint pink tint of light slipping in through the window of her quarters. Ailis lay there for a moment, recalling the night before; she began to settle herself more closely within the circle of Arcann’s arm, when she not only heard, but felt something – the same thing that must have awoken her. There, near the door – a wisp of smoke.

She shot up in the bed, waving her hand and turning on the light, establishing a shield around herself and Arcann at the same time. She hadn’t imagined it – an ephemeral swirl of violet mist, chased away by the faint illumination of the lamp. But she could feel it, still – it was familiar, somehow, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. Like a song she couldn’t quite remember the words to…

Arcann raised to his elbow, staring at the door. “I saw it as well,” he reassured her.

She let her shield dissipate as the presence faded, and turned to him.

He was still staring at the doorway, his expression perturbed. She wanted nothing more than to turn the light back off and go back to sleep in his arms, but she could sense he was even more concerned than she.

“What is it?” She put her hand in his, and he quickly linked their fingers, squeezing her hand in return. For some reason this caused a leap in her heart – these small things between them, which now they might have to be careful to hide from everyone else. She needed to ask him about that, later – how he felt about others knowing their true relationship. But now was not the time.

“That…energy,” he began slowly, his eyes troubled. “I know it.”

For one moment a horrible thought occurred to her – surely it wasn’t Valkorion, yet again? But she shook off that idea; after the months she’d endured with him inside her head, his presence an almost constant companion, she would be able to tell in an instant if he returned. It wasn’t him.

“Arcann?” She prodded when he remained silent for another minute.

“I can’t be sure; it was weak, diluted. But it felt like…”

He sighed, seemed…regretful? Sad?

“It felt like Vaylin.”

*******

Ailis met Lana outside the elevator to the war room. Lana was stoic as usual – she could have been a lampshade for all the emotion she gave off. She would have made a good Jedi, Ailis thought to herself, and then chuckled at the ridiculousness of it.

Looking over at her as they stepped into the elevator, Lana raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, I was just thinking for a moment that you’d look good in brown.”

“I don’t even want to know what that means, Commander,” Lana rolled her eyes.

“Probably not.”

“What I do want to know, is what Arcann was doing in your room all night.”

Ailis panicked for a moment. It hadn’t occurred to her that she’d have to make any excuses first thing this morning, and certainly not to Lana, who was all too good at reading her.

But aside from being her colleague and fellow Alliance member, Lana was also her friend. Maybe she could just tell her the truth? She was going to find out anyway…

“I—“

“I’m joking, Jedi,” Lana’s amusement at her expense drew a scowl from Ailis. “I am well aware of what’s going on, please refrain from explaining it to me, at least not right now.”

“What do you mean, you’re well aware! You’re aware of nothing, _Lord_ Beniko,” Ailis replied haughtily, knowing how Lana disliked titles –  but her denial was likely useless, as Lana usually had intel on everything that was going on here; that was why she made such a good ally.

Lana merely laughed.

Ailis lowered her eyes as they stepped off the elevator. “More later.”

“Naturally.”

Now Lana knew what was going on, and Senya clearly had her suspicions, which she was going to have to deal with later today.

She was sure there would be some backlash due to her jumping to Arcann’s defense yesterday.

Not to mention the incident last night with the wisp of mist in her room.

Ailis wondered if Commanders of Eternal Alliances were allowed to take vacations. She should ask Theron about it – it was his favorite word, after all.

But she couldn’t complain too much – she’d spent the night in the arms of the man she loved, and was happier than she felt she had a right to be about that.

Ailis tried to focus as Theron and Lana told her about Varix Durban, Jole’s sister that Lana had picked up on Dromund Kaas on her way out.

“Wait, she’s a what?” She had to ask, and they both rolled their eyes at her. She clearly sensed when Arcann made his entrance into the War Room behind her, and struggled to tear her attention away from his presence.

“She’s a Sith, Commander,” Lana repeated.  “I actually had to pull some strings to get her released from her Apprenticeship. But from what I’ve seen of her, she seems…quite powerful for an apprentice.”

Arcann walked up and stood next to her as she considered this; she thought she might have to practice some breathing exercises if she wanted to avoid displaying her emotions for the whole galaxy to see. But she fought to concentrate on the matter at hand.

“Interesting. I’m surprised he didn’t mention that…”

“Interesting indeed. Perhaps I should ask him about it,” rumbled Arcann’s voice. 

She turned to see his brow lowered, but he couldn’t camouflage the brightness in his gaze when he looked at her. She pursed her lips to prevent smiling at him idiotically.

“Let’s not jump to conclusions,” she replied in a level tone completely at odds with her current emotional state. “He was quite nervous yesterday, I’m sure he just didn’t think of it.”

“You are too trusting…Commander.”

Ailis raised an eyebrow at him. “Yes, so you’ve told me before.”

Theron cleared his throat. “Are we…still talking about Jole here?”

Ailis felt her face grow hot as she turned back to him and tried to make her voice as professional as possible. “Of course Theron. Is there any reason to think Varix is more than she seems? Or Jole for that matter?”

“Not yet, but I’m still catching up on their histories. Our…’partnership’ with Acina,” he began in a rather doubtful tone, “has given us a little more access than we would otherwise have had, so that’s…useful, I guess.”

“Well, you can certainly assign someone to keep an eye on both of them; in fact, it might be good for them as well, to have someone to show them around and help them get comfortable here. If in so doing, we find something amiss, we can deal with it.”

“I have a couple of former Imperials in mind for such a task,” Lana replied, and headed toward the elevator.

But once she was gone, Theron stepped closer. “Can I…speak to you for a moment?” He glanced at Arcann.  “You too.”

For some reason Ailis felt a rush of affection for her friend for including Arcann in this private chat; even many of the Alliance members who didn’t necessarily have anything against him often treated him very gingerly, as if he could explode at any moment and singe them all. Theron was one of the few who, after a short period, seemed to accept Arcann as an Alliance member without reservation. Ailis didn’t know enough about his past to guess why this was, because he normally could be quite suspicious. She resolved to ask him about it one day.

The three of them moved to a corner of the war room and Theron’s voice lowered. “There’s something weird about this ‘apprentice’,” he stated flatly. “Something feels off. Her records are…very bland, spotless, but uninspired. But she’s very powerful, as Lana mentioned – it doesn’t seem like she’d be at the middle of her class in the Academy and then end up apprenticed to some mediocre Lord.”

“I see your point but that doesn’t give us much to go on,” Ailis replied.

“The other thing is…I was watching when she and Jole met after Lana brought her back. And he didn’t look…happy.” Ailis  was a little confused; Jole had been fairly concerned for his sister, had almost refused the offer of a position if it meant leaving her.

“He looked afraid.”

Ailis was disturbed by this, but still didn’t want to assume anything. “It’s possible she intimidates him because of her Force-power? Jole is clearly not Force-sensitive….but I admit that’s a stretch,” she concluded.

“However, I don’t see how he or she could have been planted here, considering none of the people involved in Darth Vilius’ attack expected for me to kill him, much less bring his one surviving lackey back to Odessen with me.”

Theron nodded. “I don’t necessarily think he’s a plant. But I think we should keep an eye on both of them, because something might be going on here that will be detrimental to the Alliance, even if it wasn’t originally directed at us.”

Ailis agreed, but had to ask why Theron had deliberately left Lana out of the loop.

“Oh I don’t suspect her of anything, if that’s what you mean,” he chuckled. “But when I brought this up to her she sort of bit my head off about not knowing anything of Sith families…she didn’t seem inclined to indulge my paranoia.”

“She can be rather touchy about certain subjects,” Ailis admitted. “Alright, but if she asks directly I don’t want to keep anything from her.”

“Understood.”

“Oh!” Ailis exclaimed as Theron began to turn away to dispatch his own people on the case. “I almost forgot to ask about Talos Drellik – we got word at the Forward Base Camp on Yavin 4 that he was headed here, but I haven’t seen him.”

Theron rolled his eyes. “Oggurobb,” he muttered. “He’s had him shut in the lab ever since he got here, I assume asking him a never-ending stream of questions about Sith artifacts.”

Ailis sighed. She hoped Drellik wouldn’t be put off by Oggurobb’s insatiable lust for information…but then again, perhaps they’d get along famously.

“Noted, I’ll have to speak to him later then.”

She let Theron go this time, and then realized she and Arcann were left in the corner, only 3 or 4 other people remaining in the war room, all of which were concentrating on their own tasks.

She smiled tentatively at him, not wanting to be too forward in public and make him uncomfortable.

He glanced around the room, saw that everyone was facing away from them, and quickly slipped his arm around her waist, pulling her in for a brief kiss.

She was shocked and delighted – she always assumed he would be very secretive and careful about their romance, not wanting anyone throwing judgmental glances their way. To have him sneaking kisses in a dark corner…was yet another thing she could adore about him.

She wholeheartedly kissed him back, and laughed softly when he pulled away; he genuinely smiled at her, and she felt her heart contract forcibly, as it always managed to do when she was around him.

“I have to go meet Hylo about a mission,” she told him as she backed up slightly. “If I have to go to some far flung planet, I don’t suppose you’d like to…come along?”

“What do you think,” he growled, and she actually giggled as she made her way to the Underworld Logistics room.

“Oh I know that look,” Hylo said by way of greeting as soon as Ailis was within earshot.

Ailis pasted a look of innocence on her face, albeit unsuccessfully.

“I have no idea what you mean. I haven’t even had any caf yet today,” she added primly.

“Uh-huh.” Hylo just rolled her eyes. “You can’t fool me, kid, I’ve worn that look about 900 times, and yes, I realize how stupid that sounds, and if you tell Gault I’ll never forgive you.”

Ailis slapped her hand over her mouth to avoid laughing too loudly, but was touched by this admission of tender emotions between Hylo and Gault, who, though clearly eternally in love, normally only dealt in snark.

“Shhh,” she replied in a stage-whisper. “It’s a secret.”

“Not for long it ain’t, if you walk around with _that_ face.”

“Hmm, maybe I should start wearing a helmet while on base.”

“I’m sure that would cause absolutely no comment,” Hylo responded wryly, glancing over her shoulder from where she was downloading some information from one datapad to a smaller one.

“Ok, the contact I’m looking for is on Hoth – all the info you’ll need is in this datapad, let me know if you have any trouble.”

“That’s it?” Ailis took the datapad but gave Hylo a skeptical look.

“That’s it,” Hylo answered with a completely straight face. Ailis remained suspicious but took her leave and went to attend to other Alliance business, intending to depart for Hoth in the morning.

She hadn’t forgotten Senya – she sent the other woman a quick message around midday asking if she wanted to have lunch with Ailis in the Cantina.

“Meet you there” she replied.

Ailis steeled herself. She and Senya were good friends, and she didn’t think the other woman would say anything intentionally hurtful to her. But Senya was…very protective of her son, and if she thought that Ailis was toying with his damaged emotions…it could be a very uncomfortable conversation. She hoped that Senya might want to talk to her about something completely unrelated, but she had little confidence that was the case. But she may as well get it over with.

She took a seat in one of the side alcoves of the cantina, but as she sat down, she was reminded of how sore she was…it had been quite some time since she’d been intimate with anyone, and Arcann was…well. But that wasn’t something she wanted to be thinking about when she was about to have a chat with his mother. She shuddered.

To distract herself, she ordered something from the waiter droid. At least, she thought, they had a cantina here on the base; she remembered when they’d first arrived and all they’d had to eat was tubes of nutritive paste. Not a fond memory.

Senya slid into the booth next to her, interrupting her musings.

“Hello there, Commander,” she greeted her brightly.

“Hello, Senya,” Ailis replied in a neutral tone. At least Senya wasn’t going into this angry, so that was a plus.

“So, when is the wedding?”

Ailis stared at her blankly. Opened her mouth…shut it…opened it again.

Senya’s laughter echoed through the small space.

“You should see your face, Outlander!” she gasped. “Relax, I’m only joking.”

Ailis still didn’t know how to respond – this was definitely not how she’d imagined this conversation would go.

“Commander, I realize you were trying to keep your…business with my son under the radar,” she admonished, “but surely you didn’t think you could hide it from me?” She arched an eyebrow at her younger companion.

Ailis looked down.  She had no intention of denying it – that would just make this even more awkward, when they both knew it was a lie. “I…am not sure what I intended to do; if I did hide anything it would only be for his sake.”

Senya remained silent for a moment.

“That is why I’m happy about this, Ailis.”

Ailis raised her eyes to the other woman’s, confused.

“I’ve seen the way you’ve looked at him, for months, if not more.” Ailis looked away again in embarrassment. “I wanted so badly to intervene, but I knew neither of you would appreciate interference.” Her tone was more amused than accusatory.

“I know you’ll be kind to him. He needs that,” she added emphatically. “Scyva knows I wasn’t there for him when he needed _me_ …” Her voice trailed off and she got a faraway look in her eyes.

“Senya, don’t say that. Things happened that can’t be changed now, but you’ve done so much for him in the past few years – you can’t keep blaming yourself!” Ailis put her hand over Senya’s as she spoke emphatically.

Senya refocused on her and smiled again. “You’re a good person, Ailis. I can only be happy it’s you my son has fallen for. You can help him heal.”

Impulsively Ailis leaned over and put her arms around the older woman. Senya stiffened in surprise for a moment, then hugged her back.

“I’ll try,” Ailis murmured. “I want nothing more than to see him happy.”

But when they leaned back, Senya’s voice was cautionary. “I hope you realize this will cause even more problems among the Alliance?”

Ailis sighed. “I…assumed it would. Especially after what I said yesterday. Perhaps I should have left it alone…”

“No, I think what you did may have precipitated people finding out about the two of you, but I think it’s best you established your position early on, so everyone is clear on it.” Ailis considered this, but she still wasn’t sure she hadn’t made a misstep. “Lana and Theron are more than capable of keeping an eye out for strong dissent. You’re a good leader, and no one can say otherwise, so no one has a right to take issue with your personal life.”

Ailis almost felt like crying, she was so touched – she badly needed this reassurance. “Senya, I…”

“It’s just the truth.”

“Thank you.” Ailis doubted her voice could sound as sincere as she felt, but it seemed Senya understood.

Their food arrived, Senya having ordered before she sat down, and they spent the next half hour eating and speaking of more mundane matters.

*******

Ailis didn’t see Arcann the rest of the day, as she was busy with Alliance matters until that evening. She sent him a message about leaving in the morning for Hoth, and he answered in the affirmative, but she wasn’t sure if she should...invite him to come back to stay with her again.

She sat on her bed, staring out the window at Odessen’s landscape, while she was supposed to be reviewing reports on her datapad. But she just couldn’t concentrate.

Although she’d had partners before, and even what some might term a ‘relationship’, this was something different. She’d never been really in love, and never been with someone who was living in the same place as her. It was more of a “meet up and have fun when we’re on the same planet” sort of arrangement in the past.

When people were… _together_ , did they automatically sleep with one another at night? Did they spend time together besides that? Or was that too much time to be around someone? For her part, right now all she wanted was to be by Arcann’s side all day long, but she knew that wasn’t necessarily how everyone worked. In fact, she herself had never felt quite that way before.

So she felt awkward about the entire situation. When she thought about the previous night, she felt desire rise up in her, a bloom of heat; of course she wanted to repeat that. But she didn’t want to stifle him, make him feel smothered.

Despite everything that had happened over the course of her life, she knew his emotional health was more fragile than hers; he had been deliberately shaped into a monster, had basically been tricked into killing his own brother, and had helped _her_ kill his sister. These things had scarred him just as surely as his wound from Korriban had; worse. She had to make sure to tread carefully with him. He had so many broken pieces that she wanted to pick up and reassemble, but it wasn’t her place to try to do this for him. She could help him, but she should never set herself up as his rescuer. He was his own man, and while she would be supportive in every way possible, she couldn’t “fix” him. It was a terrible way to think of a person, for one thing, as needing to be “repaired”; but that also wasn’t the place to start a relationship.

He’d had quite a bit of time since he’d joined the Alliance to come to terms with some of the things that had happened, or begin to do so, anyway. But healing was a slow process.

This time when the door buzzed, she eagerly checked with her Force-senses, hoping, maybe even assuming it was Arcann.

But it was Lana. She got up and waved the door open.

“Commander.”

Ailis cocked an eyebrow at her. “Why so formal? Are you about to say something I don’t want to hear?” she joked.

Lana sighed, and Ailis grew worried. “Is this…about…”

“No, Commander, it’s not about your choice of boyfriends, although I should speak to you about that too.”

“He’s not my boyfriend!”

“You sound like a 13 year old.”

Ailis huffed. “Do not.”

Lana smiled at that, but grew serious again. “Look, I’m…concerned about Koth.”

Ailis blinked. “Koth? Why?”

“Well, I suppose this _is_ indirectly about your personal life…may I?”

Ailis waved her to a seat and took one across from her.

“Since your…instructions last night regarding Arcann,” Lana began tactfully, “I’ve gotten word that Koth has been…speaking to certain people.”

“What people? I mean I know there are some who don’t care for Arcann but—“

“I can’t say yet that he’s stirring dissent, but it’s a possibility. And I just need you to keep your eyes open, and also be mindful.”

Ailis just stared at her for a few moments. “I’m not sure what dissent he thinks he can stir? Nothing happened…”

Lana sighed again. “You’re correct, nothing happened on Yavin 4, but he’s playing on the worry that some felt over your absence of two days, and some people’s natural suspicion. A lot of things have befallen you in the course of building this Alliance, and for some reason those events have been cropping up in conversations around the base today.”

Ailis was still confused. “What sort of things?”

“Valkorion borrowing your mind as his spirit-apartment, for one thing.”

Ailis rolled her eyes. “That’s a nice way to put it.”

“Indeed. But there’s also your abduction along with Empress Acina…”

“I fail to see how bringing these things up aids him in…whatever his goals are?”

“As do I, since I have no idea what his goals even are yet. But I felt I should warn you, nebulous as my worries may be.”

“Well, I appreciate your concern, Lana, I’ll try not to antagonize him any more than I have to.”

“I am so comforted by that,” Lana replied drily as she stood up.

“In all seriousness, I’ll keep my eyes open, ok?”

“Thank you, Commander.”

“Will you stop that?”

“No, Commander.”

Ailis rolled her eyes and opened the door for Lana, whose lips were pressed together to prevent a smile as she exited.

Well, that had been interesting, and unexpected. Ailis wondered if Koth was really a danger in some way…surely he wouldn’t do anything to deliberately jeopardize the strength of the Alliance? She couldn’t say the two of them were friends, exactly, but they’d mostly been friendly…except, of course, when she’d refused to shoot down Arcann’s ship.

But that was a long time ago, and a lot of things had happened since. Surely he’d gotten over his anger?

She decided to use the Force to try to gauge his mood the next time she was around him. But she’d have to be careful not to prod too aggressively, or he’d notice and likely get angry.

She didn’t spend much more time pondering this, though, as Arcann quickly intruded on her thoughts. She still had no message from him, or indication that he was coming. But she hadn’t _asked_ him to come, so…maybe if there was no invitation, he wouldn’t think he should? Last night had been an accident, he hadn’t intended to stay…

She felt a little frisson of apprehension when she thought about what she’d seen – what they’d both seen, last night. Arcann had said it felt like Vaylin…but how was that possible? He knew as well as she did that his sister was gone; they’d felt her spirit dissipate at the same time as Valkorion’s. Surely she couldn’t be some sort of…Force Ghost? Wouldn’t they have seen her before now? It had been months…

Her datapad gave a beep, and she rushed to check it. But it was just Hylo giving her some tips on Hoth and how to survive the weather. She dropped the datapad in disgust – _as if she hadn’t spent days on that blasted ice-rock once before_ , she thought in irritation.

But that wasn’t fair; it wasn’t as if everyone in the alliance could know every place she’d been. Not to mention she’d actually kind of liked Hoth – the giant ships, relics of the past, scattered over the landscape. She rolled her eyes at her own irritability and picked up the datapad, replying with an appreciative note.

Then she stared at her datapad for a full minute, debating whether to send another message to Arcann.

Finally, she gave in – it wasn’t as if she needed to play hard to get. They were way beyond that point, and games were not something she was interested in anyway. She wanted to be clear in how she felt about him, and if that meant sticking her neck out, then so be it.

But she couldn’t help sounding hesitant in her message; what if…what if she’d misunderstood something? Surely not, but…without much experience in matters like this…

“I was hoping you might want to…” she typed, then deleted it.

“If you aren’t busy…” no, that was stupid.

“My place?” Even stupider.

She sighed and almost tossed the datapad aside again.

She tried once more. “I hope I get to see you tonight,” she typed, started to delete it, then looked at it again. Well, she was being honest, and not trying to be clever. Maybe that was good enough.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she tapped the ‘send’ button.

*******

Over two hours later, something stirred her awake from her awkward position on the couch.

As soon as her eyes opened, she realized – he hadn’t come. A brief, unintentional glance at her datapad showed her it was dark, silent.

Disappointment the size of a planet settled in her gut. She considered meditating to equalize her emotions and hopefully rid herself of some of this despondency. But before she could act on this intention she felt…indecision? Awkwardness? And, something else.

From outside the door.

On a whim, she waved it open. And there he was.

Arcann was literally pacing on the other side, and it took him a second or two to notice the door was open. He stopped short, and she could swear he blushed.

She jumped up, started to rush into his arms, but stopped short – maybe his indecision was due to not wanting to see her tonight? But feeling obligated to?

She barely registered this thought before he’d crossed the threshold and closed the remaining few feet between them, his arms encircling her warmly.

All her disappointment dissipated in an instant, replaced by certainty, contentment, and of course, desire. She could feel all these things emanating from him as well – it was as if their positive emotions  rebounded off one another through their bond, reflecting and multiplying until they were bathed in euphoric light.

“I’m sorry my love,” he murmured against her hair; after a full minute he still hadn’t released her.

“Mmmmm,” she mumbled into his chest.

He chuckled, and it occurred to her that that sound was perhaps the most beautiful thing in the galaxy; the deep, rich roll of his laughter as her head lay against his chest.

“Theron’s girlfriend broke my datapad, and I didn’t have my holo on me,” he continued.

Her heart swelled even further – she should have known he’d have a good reason for not coming to her earlier, given how happy he was to be with her now.

“How’s that…” she asked, her voice muffled by his shirt.

“I left it sitting on a shelf in the hangar, where Jorgan and I were training,” he explained. “I started to leave without it, and she…helpfully tossed it to me.”

“If you didn’t catch it, it sounds like you’re the one that broke it,” Ailis teased.

“Well, it’s difficult to catch a projectile flying at hyperspeed toward your head; I tried to catch it with the Force but it smashed into some crates right behind me.”

Theron’s girlfriend Grey was a powerful Jedi, but…“Let me guess – she Force threw it?”

“She was mortified and spent 20 minutes apologizing.” Arcann was clearly more amused than angry.

Ailis giggled. She’d have to remember to tease Grey about it later.

“Then I went to the Lab to see if someone there could get me a new one and transfer my data over…and Dr. Oggurobb pulled me into a conversation with that Drellik person for over an hour about Yavin 4 and Sith ghosts.”

Ailis made a noise of sympathy – Dr. Oggurobb was brilliant but could be…trying to one’s patience.

“And then when I finally got back to my room, without a new datapad, by the way, I tried to take a shower and my hot water was malfunctioning.”

“Stars and galaxies, Arcann…this is turning into quite the saga,” Ailis marveled. “I take it you got it fixed? You smell wonderful,” she added as she inhaled the clean woodsy scent of his clothes.

“I did not. I took a cold shower.”

Ailis finally leaned back from him, amazed. “Really? But...my goodness.”

“Well…” suddenly his awkwardness returned slightly, and she tilted her head to the side, wondering why he seemed uncertain. “I was rather desperate to see you, but I…I wasn’t sure if you…”

Of course – he hadn’t’ gotten her message before his datapad was broken.

She put her hand to his cheek. “I sent you a note, asking you to come. When you didn’t answer I thought maybe you wanted to maintain some space…”

It was obvious to them both that they’d misunderstood one another, and Ailis couldn’t help kissing his gentle, tentative smile.

His arms moved only slightly downward, now tight around her lower back, but within a split second she felt the shift between them. She laid her head back against him, but this time she put her lips to his neck, so temptingly exposed in his casual shirt.

He sucked in a breath, and she trailed kisses upward, then whispered into his ear. “My love…”

She felt his powerful emotional response – an expansion of everything that felt good inside him, brightening the corners where it was dark. She was overwhelmed as she realized what a profound effect her love, her acceptance, was having on him. But she felt his physical reaction as well, and knew that, like her, his emotional and physical attraction to her was intertwined, inseparable. She didn’t really understand it but she definitely wanted to explore it further.

She took the bottom of his ear between her teeth, and his fingers dug into her back. “I guess after a cold shower…you probably just want to go to sleep, hmm?”

He gave that growl that she so loved, the one that made her heart race. “Why must you torment me, Outlander…” he breathed as she worked on the buttons of his shirt, her lips trailing along his jaw.

Finally his skin was exposed, his tattoos a dark, enigmatic shadow against the skin of his arm. She immediately began pressing kisses against his chest, his shoulder, the hollow of his neck. His hand slipped into her hair, and his head fell back, his breath ragged. While she distracted him with her mouth, her hands went to his pants, and before he could stop her she’d unfastened them.

He grabbed her wrist unexpectedly. She leaned back and looked up at him, trying to sense his mood.

All she could feel was lust, hot and raging. Other emotions were there but were overshadowed by his desire.

Glorying in this knowledge, she decided to torment him even further. She stood back slightly, and he let go of her wrist…she backed toward the bedroom, and as he watched, she slowly took hold of her shorts, and slid them down, over her knees, and stepped out of them, leaving them on the floor.

Arcann made to rush to her, but she threw up a Force barrier – not a very stout one, but just enough to slow him down.

His brow lowered, but she could tell it wasn’t in anger, only impatience.

“You are evil, I hope you realize that.”

She merely smiled, and began lifting her shirt.

His eyes widened. She pulled it up, over her head, and dropped it on the floor as well. Now she’d backed fully into the room and was in front of the bed.

Again, he started to move forward, but she pushed him back again, and looked down at his pants and shoes, which he still wore.

Swearing, he kicked off his shoes and his pants were soon to follow. She dropped the barrier, and within seconds he was at her feet, kneeling in front of her, his lips on her stomach, his hands on her legs, her back, her rear.

Abruptly she felt a darkness flare in him, an edge that hadn’t been there before. She looked down and saw that he was staring at the faint scar from where he’d injured her with a lightsaber so long ago, on Asylum. A few treatments had greatly reduced how visible it was – she wasn’t surprised he hadn’t noticed it last night when most of the lights had been off. But now, it was brighter in her quarters, and the faint, pale sheen of a circle showed against her dark gold skin.

His shame, his guilt flowed through their bond, and she had to put her normal barriers back up before she became overwhelmed by it.

She slid down, kneeling with him. She took his face between her hands, and gently pulled the Force into both of them, trying to give them a small dose of calm.

Then she let her barriers back down, closing her eyes as his anguish washed over her.

Quickly he tried to put up his own barriers as he put his hands on her wrists, trying to draw them away from him, stop her from sharing his emotions.

She shook her head slightly, her eyes still closed, her brow dark as she struggled to bear the weight of these bleak sensations.

Thinking again of how their emotional and physical need for one another were inextricably linked, she decided to try something, hoping it would somehow help the healing process.

With her hands still on his face, she maneuvered so she her legs were on either side of his where he knelt on the floor.

She could feel him against her.

“Ailis, we cannot.” His hands had moved to her waist. He was breathing heavily, and his desire had only partially waned, but his heart was still shadowed.

“Why not?” she replied softly, leaning forward to kiss his jaw, then the corner of his mouth.

He closed his eyes briefly, as if gathering his resolve.

“If we do this right now it will hurt you. In more ways than one.”

He was always trying to protect her from himself, one way or another. And she knew what he said was true.

But she didn’t care.

“I said before that I needed you. Sometimes I need you even if it hurts. I accept the pain, because it’s part of you, and I want it to be part of me too. I want _you_ to be part of me.”

She held his eyes as she slid down on his shaft, very slowly; each inch that slipped inside her was exquisite torture, despite how wet she was for him. He was right; she was incredibly sore, and had known she would be. She knew he could see the pain in her eyes, but she needed him to understand. This act was her way of showing him that she would take his darkness, not just his light. She would accept his demons, real or imagined; she would absorb all this for him, if she could.

She bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut for a brief second as she slid down the last couple of inches, then was very still for a moment, her breath hard and fast. Arcann groaned and slid both arms around her, gathering her to him, cradling her against his chest. He stroked her back, her hair, her arms, and didn’t move at all. She could feel that he was conflicted – the intense pleasure of being inside her again warring with his darker emotions.

She had only used the Force during sex once before, and although that partner had enjoyed it, he’d also been a little put off, so she’d never tried it again. And that time hadn’t been for any purpose other than experimentation; she hoped that using it for a serious purpose now wouldn’t anger Arcann or upset him further. But she had to try – she couldn’t use her body to lighten his dark burden, if it hurt too much for her to move.

She stayed within the circle of his arms, sliding her own around his lower back. She very gently pulled the Force into her, focusing on the pain between her legs; it was hard to concentrate at all, but she didn’t need extensive healing. She felt the ache dull, but at the same time Arcann’s chest swelled with a deep breath. Afraid she’d overstepped, she began to pull back, but before she could, she felt it: the hot glow of his passion began to once again eclipse the shadows. And his hardness throbbed inside her, his increasing arousal undeniable. As her body repaired itself, the swell of his length within her hurt less than before, and she finally leaned back slightly, running her hands over his chest. Then she closed her eyes and sent a surge of the Force down through her body, and into his.

His eyes fluttered shut and he groaned, gripping her back so tightly it was painful, the metal fingers of his left hand digging into her soft skin. Her confidence grew even more as she felt his regrets and sadness recede. She leaned back a little further so she could better see his reaction…then lifted her hips, and dropped down on him, hard, as she sent another wave of Force-power between them. This time she gasped, herself, the pleasure was so great, the pain nearly totally erased. But Arcann’s face as he growled her name, and the sheer power of lust emanating from him, convinced her that he was, if possible, even more affected by it than she was. This was what she’d been hoping for – she couldn’t erase his guilt with sex, she knew that. But she could physically show him how much she loved him, even as she tried her best to project the same emotions through their bond. She didn’t know how much it would help in the long run, but it was enough, right now.

She began sliding up and down his length, slowly, matching her rhythm with pulses of the Force. He seemed like he could barely breathe; he was nearly panting, and his hands gripped her waist tightly. When he began pushing her down even harder, she couldn’t help but whimper.

He still had a crease between his brows – the way he said her name, an almost tortured gasp upon his lips – his  potent emotions washed over her, and she didn’t use the Force to dampen its affect. She’d told him she would take his pain along with his love, and she didn’t want to diminish this by giving herself a screen to hide behind.

This exquisite, bittersweet pleasure was foreign to her; but she thought that the knowledge of absorbing some of his pain augmented her love for him somehow.

She began to move faster and faster. She felt her orgasm building as she worked her hips over his, finding the perfect angle so that with every gyration he thrust agonizingly against her core, bringing her closer and closer to completion. She tried to slow her hips, bring herself back from the brink, but Arcann wouldn’t allow it – the pressure of his hands on her waist grew more insistent, as he brought her down onto him over and over.

Suddenly Arcann gathered her against his chest, his arms tightly wound around her back. Then he swelled inside her, held her in place as she continued pushing lightly with the Force. He said her name, voice breaking slightly, as he came, clinging to her as his body shook against her, clutching at her hair, holding her so tightly she could barely breathe. As he found release with his body, she could sense his heavy emotions dissolve into the Force, his darkest feelings dissipating, leaving behind only adoration, happiness, satisfaction.

These feelings could not radiate so strongly from him without triggering her climax as well. She in turn grasped him tightly as her body tensed – the pleasure was so acute it was almost painful, wracking her body in wave after wave, reverberating through every nerve like thunder.

They remained tightly wound as her shaky breaths calmed a bit; after a few minutes he rose, keeping her wrapped around him, and moved to the bed, draping her over him as they slid under the blankets.

She was exhausted, mentally and physically. But she didn’t want to sleep – she wanted to stay awake with him forever, listening to his heartbeat, her hand on his chest, his fingers in her hair.

The soft radiance of his love for her, momentarily unshadowed by his past, or _their_ past, was more beautiful than anything she could have wished for between them.

Within minutes she was asleep.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> En route to Hoth...a short-ish chapter, actual Hoth antics soon to follow.

**~~~~~~~~**

_It was dark – why was she outside the base at night? She couldn’t remember, but whatever she was doing was of great importance. She could feel it._

_Grass flattened beneath her naked feet. Had she forgotten her shoes?_

_It didn’t matter, she decided – she had to get to the cave, that was where she was headed. She needed to find what was inside._

_Was this the same cave that Satele Shan and Darth Marr had led her to all those months ago? Or was it decades…she couldn’t quite remember. It looked familiar, but…_

_She crept cautiously through the dim interior. Mist crawled along the floor, obscuring her toes, its flow disturbed by her passage. Lichen covered the walls, and water dripped from above to splash on her head, dampening her hair._

_There was a light, ahead. A dim illumination, purple, flickering. Was this what she was looking for?_

_In the furthest recesses of the cave, a pedestal, with a figure sitting on it, maybe meditating. But she couldn’t focus on it, couldn’t make her eyes see it properly. It was there, but…not._

_Purple lightning crackled faintly around it._

_Around… **her**? _

_Eyes – lit from within – flashed in the incorporeal face._

Ailis woke up, sweating, and held her hand out as the faintest flicker of violet electricity danced across her palm, and dissipated at her fingertips.

 

**~~~~~~~~~**

 

Naturally Lana pointed out her overly large bag as she was getting ready to board her ship for Hoth.

“What have you got in there, actual tents?” She teased.

Ailis felt heat prickle her cheeks. “You should be glad I’m trying to be prepared, after what happened last time,” she retorted. “Besides, you know cold-weather gear is…fluffy.”

Lana held up her hands. “Of course, Commander. Preparation is key.”

Ailis glared at her suspiciously, sure she was still being made fun of, but Lana was the picture of innocence.

Lana handed Ailis the tech Hylo had almost forgotten to send with her – having the physical item in hand should make it much easier to track down her quarry.

“By the way, Theron just informed me he’s located your sister, and she seems to be fine.”

Ailis sighed with relief. Theron had been searching for Aoife ever since the Commander and Arcann returned from Yavin 4; thankfully, it seemed Darth Vilius had not, in fact, had any contact with her.

“I assume you’re sending someone in the area to check on her regardless?” Ailis prodded.

Lana gave her a Look. “Naturally, Commander.”

Glancing over Ailis’s shoulder, Lana quickly retreated, wishing her a pleasant visit to “that desolate ice cube they call a planet”.

Ailis didn’t need Lana’s actions to tell her Arcann was approaching – her increased heartbeat and the thrill that raced over her skin were an even better indicator.

He stopped behind her, and when she turned he was a few feet away. Still too close for her composure, but not close enough, as far as she was concerned. But they should maintain a civilized front while they were out here on the platform, in view of the base.

“Arcann,” she said a little too breathlessly, nodding to him. Her white mane blew restlessly in the breeze, and she saw his eyes on it.

“Commander,” he replied silkily, somehow making it sound like a caress and a compliment all at once.

She closed her eyes briefly, then resolutely turned, picked up her bag again, and briskly crossed the walkway to her ship. She heard Arcann chuckle as he followed behind her; she pursed her lips to keep from smiling – was it her fault that a slight laugh from him was all she needed to feel that everything was right with the world?

Once they were on the ship, a bit of awkwardness immediately ensued when Ailis took her things to her quarters, and Arcann hesitated a moment before walking past her, presumably toward the bunk he’d used on their last trip.

She caught his arm, and he stopped immediately. But she quickly released him; again she was afraid that she was overstepping the invisible boundaries of their relationship – it was so new, she didn’t want to alienate him by doing something foolish accidentally.

And she’d made the resolution this morning that she should keep up her usual boundaries around him by default – it seemed unfair for either of them to always know what the other was feeling; plus, it made it that much sweeter when they did fully connect with one another.

Besides that, she knew he had enough to deal with without having her feelings piled on top of his at all times.

So while she could sense his presence, and his general mood, she couldn’t gauge his specific emotions too accurately. She looked down and bit her lip.

“I’m sorry, you can…of course you can stay wherever you like, I didn’t mean—“

She was interrupted by the sound of his bag falling to the floor just inside her door. He lifted her chin, as he so often did, and smoothed hair away from her face before softly kissing her.

“I didn’t want to assume,” he explained.

She smiled against his mouth, kissing him back again for good measure, then squeezed his hand and headed toward the cockpit.

She made a point to finish entering all the coordinates in the nav system and fully prep the ship for takeoff before she allowed herself a glance at him. She could be a responsible commander. She _could_.

They remained at the controls for takeoff and entry into hyperspace. Finally, once they were well on their way, she stood, and Arcann rose with her.

“So,” he said, taking her hand.

“So, come with me,” she pulled him along toward the fitness bay where he’d first kissed her.

It had only been a week ago, less if she were honest. Was that even possible? It was funny to her now – before she’d confessed her feelings for him, before that trip to Yavin 4, those months had felt like an eternity. It seemed that she would never be able to get his attention, make him look at her the way she desperately wanted him to. And now…that state of being, from a scant few days ago, seemed like a different lifetime.

How had she survived so long without his warmth? Without his smile, which she’d only seen once or twice in the entire time she’d known him? Without his laugh, which summed up her idea of happiness in a single sound? Now she felt that she required those things like she needed water. She had to have them in order to survive.

Arcann’s hand tightened in hers. She knew he couldn’t read her emotions too closely – her shields were still up. But as they entered the fitness bay she abruptly turned, all but throwing herself into his arms, and kissing him warmly.

“Mmmm,” he murmured as she pulled away. “What was that for.”

“You’re wonderful,” she whispered, “and I love you.”

His face grew serious as he searched her eyes. Whatever he found there seemed to satisfy him; he gently kissed her back. “I will never understand…” he said softly, leaning his forehead against hers.

“Never understand what?”

“Any of this,” he replied, punctuating his words with a light squeeze. “How this can actually be happening. But I’ll take it.”

“The feeling is mutual, to be honest,” she answered. She kissed him one more time for good measure, but then retreated further into the room, pulling him down onto the mat with her. She had him kneel across from her as they had before, but this time she intended to actually accomplish something.

“Since we have some time, I wanted to try meditating again,” she explained, although of course he could see what she intended at this point. He nodded, and she took his hands in hers.

“But I think it might be most effective if we both let our barriers down. Is that…ok with you?” She hadn’t asked him the last time she’d fully dropped her shields with him, but that was a different situation (she felt her face heat up slightly as she thought back to it). She wanted this to be purposeful, practiced; if she could help him hone his meditation techniques, maybe he could use them to dull the edge of his emotional suffering on a regular basis.

He hesitated, as she suspected he might. She knew what he was about to say, and it didn’t take any special bond to predict it.

“I…worry that exposing you to my…inner thoughts will damage you somehow, my love.”

“Arcann,” she said sternly, her voice only a little shaky. He raised an eyebrow at her tone.

“First of all, you can’t…you have to refrain from…distracting me like that,” she mumbled, then leaned forward and briefly pressed a kiss to his cheek. His half-smile winked into existence.

“Second, don’t worry about me, I can take it.”

Out of nowhere, a heady rush of desire surged through her – she hadn’t meant her words in any inappropriate sense, but as soon as they were out of her mouth, it was all she could think about. That first night, he’d gone so slowly, but finally, they’d—

She closed her eyes and bit her lip, trying to rein in her hormones.

Arcann either felt the flood of lust through their bond, or her words triggered the same response in him; his hands slid up her arms, to her shoulders, and he rose and leaned over, his lips claiming hers less sweetly this time, more sensually.

He drew back for a brief moment to whisper against her lips, “I know you can.” Then he returned to pulling her lip between this teeth, running his tongue along it. His words only doubled the flood of longing she felt for him, and she was tempted to tell him she would take it right here on the floor.

But as soon as this thought crossed her mind, she pulled back a little. Arcann, respecting her withdrawal, leaned back, his hands dropping again to hold hers.

“I’m sorry, I just…” she started, unsure how to explain her feelings. He squeezed her hands briefly, letting her know he was alright with her decision, no matter her reasons. “I don’t want that to be what defines us,” she finally whispered. “It’s important,” she rushed to add, “and it’s...wonderful, and amazing. But I never…I never had this problem before, where I can’t control myself.”

“You don’t like feeling like you have no control of your emotions? That seems reasonable.”

She thought about that for a moment.

“Arcann…” she looked up at him, hoping he would understand.

“I _do_ like it. That’s what scares me.”

This time he closed his own eyes, and withdrew his hands from hers for a moment, planting them firmly on his knees. She saw his fingers gripping tightly, and was confused, afraid she’d upset him somehow. He drew in a breath, then released it at length. Opened his eyes again.

“Wh…what’s wrong?” She inquired tentatively, afraid of his answer.

“Ailis…you really…” he sighed, but took her hands up again.

“Was that the wrong thing to say?” she worried.

“No…no.” He smiled slightly. “But…I am trying my best to…adhere to your wishes. I understand and agree with you not wanting our relationship to be defined by…lust, and sex.” Her arousal swelled again and she did her best to curb it. “But it’s very difficult to do when you speak of how much you enjoy losing control with me.”

She sighed heavily. She wanted him to maintain control, where she could not, or barely so, and then she’d gone and made things worse.

“Alright, I resolve, that for the rest of today, I will not make any…advances towards you. I am a Jedi, and I _do_ have some measure of self-control.” Her tone plainly showed she was trying to convince herself as well as him, but she really was determined to try.

Arcann looked a little perturbed for a moment. “Does that extend to…can I not hold your hand? Or kiss you?” He sounded so disappointed that she giggled, ruining her calm Jedi façade to some extent.

“You may,” she decreed, and he smiled with relief. “But not with intention of…well. Only with the purest intentions.”

He chuckled. “I suppose I can manage that,” he agreed.

“Very well. Now that’s settled – we were about to let our shields down.”

Arcann sighed again, but in a different tone this time. “I still am not sure if this is a good idea, Ailis.”

“We can try without it, but…I just don’t know how much I can share with you when we’re dancing along each other’s perimeters.”

He considered this for a moment, and finally nodded. “Very well, but we must reinforce them if you begin to feel overwhelmed.” He paused. “Like you did last night.”

“That ended well, did it not?” she asked, her tone a little self-satisfied.

“It ended…very well. But it might not have. Ailis you must understand, it has taken me all this time to be able to look you in the eye properly, after what happened on Asylum, and…everything else. If I were to hurt you somehow, now, after everything—“

“I’m sorry, you’re right.” She felt contrite at trying to force him to do this – she’d thought to herself just yesterday that she needed to be careful with his emotions, and forcing him to put her psyche in danger (possibly, at least) was not the way to do that. “We can get to that later. Would it be ok if I…let my own barriers down? So I can more clearly broadcast my meditation techniques?”

“You can do as you will with me, my love – I mean, Commander,” he teasingly amended. “Wouldn’t want to…distract you.”

She rolled her eyes, hoping he hadn’t noticed the little skip her heart gave.

Ailis drew on the Force and prepared herself for a meditative state, slowly lowering her shields, allowing her calm and serenity, such as it was, to flow into Arcann.  He did have his own meditation technique, but she suspected it was more tuned toward gathering strength than maintaining calm. She hoped the methods the Jedi had taught her might serve him better, especially given her healing skills.

*******

A few hours later, both of them were more settled, composed; Ailis had her hormones fully under control, for the moment, and Arcann appeared ever-so-slightly lighter of step. He’d seemed receptive to her incorporation of healing energies in their meditation, so hopefully she could continue showing him the curative powers of the Force.

They headed to the galley for a midday meal. Ailis debated whether to speak to Arcann about her dream, and the aftermath. She hadn’t awoken him then, not really even knowing what had happened. She was leaning towards skipping any mention of it, but then it occurred to her that he was the only one she could talk to about it, being the only other person who had seen the wisp in her room two nights ago.

“I had a dream last night,” she began rather abruptly as they finished their food. “I think…I think it was about Vaylin.”

His brow lowered with concern. “That can’t be coincidence. Tell me.”

She gave him a summary of the dream and the figure at the end, then mentioned the electricity she’d seen in her hand.

His eyes lost focus for a moment. “She used to do that. When she was very young, she would have dreams…she shocked me once,” he added softly, clearly lost in reminiscences. He had a slight smile as he looked off into the distance. She didn’t want to interrupt him – for once it looked like he was remembering something amusing, pleasant even.

But he quickly came back to the present, his bemused expression replaced with worry.

“I can’t imagine what any of this means,” he mused.

“Neither can I, and I don’t know what we can do besides wait, and watch.” She took his hand. “I’m not…worried exactly,” she explained, and it was the truth. “But it’s very odd, and I just wanted you to know.”

“You were right to tell me. I’ll keep an eye out for anything else strange that happens.”

Ailis smiled gratefully at him, and after that tried her best to keep the conversation light-hearted; she didn’t want to disrupt the bit of serenity she felt their meditation had inspired in him. They exchanged stories of their youth, Ailis doing what she could to steer the conversation into cheery channels.

His favorite story of hers by far was one of her first days at the Jedi Academy, when she’d lost her robe after falling into a pond…and had to emerge stark naked, not realizing that the other Padawans wore regular clothing underneath their robes. When she told him of her nickname “The Naked Jedi”, his laughter rang out through the ship, and though she thrilled to hear it, she also felt a little self-conscious.

“I’m sorry, my love,” he gasped, wiping his eyes. “But the Commander of the Eternal Alliance, Barsen’thor of the Jedi Order, Defender of the Galaxy and All That Is Good….is also the Naked Jedi,” he finally managed, sending himself off again.

She rolled her eyes, “Yes, I know, it’s honestly pretty ridiculous, even to me, but let’s not get carried away…”

He got up and crossed to where she was sitting on the opposite side of the booth.

When he’d regained control of himself, he murmured in a very serious voice, “You can be _my_ naked Jedi any time,” and then disintegrated into laughter again, laying his head on his arm atop the table, heaving.

Ailis just put her hand over her face and shook her head in embarrassment. If she’d realized he’d get this much amusement out of what was surely only a mildly funny story…

But as he sat there gasping, she thought about it for a moment, and the hilarity of it began to strike her, as well. She pursed her lips to hold back her own laughter as she thought about all the things she’d done in her career…

“Maybe I should have a statue erected on Odessen,” she suggested in a shaky voice. “With all my accomplishments on a plaque at the bottom…”

Arcann looked up, his eyes wide. “Are you suggesting a naked statue of yourself? Because I think it would greatly improve morale on base,” he managed to reply.

“I don’t know,” she responded, silent laughter shaking her as well now. “I think it might raise a few…” she paused dramatically, “EYEBROWS.”

Arcann could barely breathe by this point. “Maybe you’re right, you do have a few detractors in the Alliance, we wouldn’t want to…AROUSE their ire.”

Ailis slapped a hand against her mouth as she nearly cackled. “Alright, I’m exiling you for that one, that was awful,” she chastised him once she could get a proper breath.

“You’re right,” he conceded breathlessly. “I apologize, O Great One, O Nakedest of All Jedi,” he added, and she punched him in the shoulder.

“I swear, Arcann, if you go telling everyone in the Alliance—“

He interrupted her with a smiling kiss. “Never,” he promised, finally beginning to regain his faculties. “It’s our secret…”

He kissed her again, his smile fading. After a moment: “Mmm, sorry, I started actually thinking about my naked Jedi,” he murmured against her lips, his hand slipping around her waist.

Her humor disintegrated instantly, and she ran her hand up his chest, over his shoulder, behind his neck.

“What time is it,” he whispered in between kisses along the side of her face, down her jaw.

“I…I’m not sure,” she replied breathlessly, “what does it matter…”

“You said ‘the rest of today’,” he explained, “I’m hoping it’s tonight now.”

Suddenly she remembered her promise from earlier in the day.

There was a small data console on the wall in the galley, and she reached across the table and pressed a button to bring up the time.

“I think in about five minutes we can consider it night,” she answered with satisfaction.

“Maybe we should get a head start,” he stood and pulled her up with him, his kisses becoming more insistent.

She made a little noise in her throat as she pressed herself against him, wholeheartedly approving of this plan.

They spent the remaining hours before reaching Hoth in her quarters, practicing a very different kind of healing.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arcann encounters some....intense curiosity as he and the Commander try to gain another Alliance recruit.

They disembarked at the Hoth Orbital station and boarded the shuttle that would take them planetside. On the shuttle she began pulling heavy cold gear out of her pack – she remembered the last time she was here, and she didn’t want to even step off the shuttle without being fully bundled up.

Over her lined dark blue leggings and short sleeve shirt, she layered another blue long sleeve shirt in a shimmery material that would insulate her body heat. As she was zipping up a thick light blue coat with fur-lined hood, she caught Arcann watching her, his eyebrow raised.

“What?” she demanded, pulling on a pair of gloves.

“Isn’t that going a little overboard?” he asked skeptically.

“Have you ever been to Hoth?” she demanded.

“No, but…I don’t get cold.”

“Well!” she responded, voice heavy with sarcasm, “lucky for you. Let me know how that works out for you when you’re suffering from hypothermia.” She looked askance at the light blue jacket he’d pulled on over the deep grey long sleeve shirt he’d donned this morning. It might be quilted but it didn’t look like it was up to Hoth standards.

He leaned over to speak softly in her ear. “With any luck we’ll end up having to huddle naked together for warmth.”

Her face was on fire as she glanced around the shuttle, making sure no one else had heard him. She thanked the stars again that her coloring prevented blushes from being very obvious on her skin, as she shoved him halfheartedly.

“You think you’re so funny!”

“I am.”

She rolled her eyes. She had a knit hat in her bag that she probably wouldn’t need given her hood, and she relished the moment when she could pull it out and offer it to him while he shivered.

_Who was she kidding_ , she thought; if he showed the slightest sign of a chill she’d likely halt the mission to Force-warm him. But she hoped it wouldn’t come to that – she didn’t have much practice at it.

They disembarked at Aurek base, Arcann showing little reaction as the blast of cold air hit them. Maybe he really was just a natural radiator.

They rented speeders to head to the coordinates Hylo had given, and were surprised to find several Jawas in the vicinity.

As soon as she approached, one of them warned her off, but another one waved him away and asked if she was a customer.

“Actually I’m looking for someone – I have this piece of tech,” she said as she removed the item Hylo had given her from her bag. “I need to find out who made it.”

The friendlier Jawa, whose name appeared to be Blizz, seemed pretty excited and grabbed the tech eagerly from her hand.

“Blizz been looking for this!” he chirped. “Blizz only made one, thought it gone forever!”

As Blizz enumerated the rather mundane wonders of the tech he’d created, Ailis’s eyebrows climbed further and further. She glanced at Arcann. _This_ was the brilliant engineer they were sent to find? Well, she sighed, she shouldn’t underestimate his talents just due to his stature.

“Blizz,” she interrupted him as he aimed the tech at one of the other Jawas, sending him scurrying away, his robes hissing, “I was hoping you’d consider coming back to Odessen with me, to join my Alliance.”

Unfortunately Blizz and his crew were in the middle of a job, and he refused to leave before it was finished. Ailis offered to help him, and he was in the middle of explaining some salvage they could use when he stopped mid-word, staring past her.

She turned to see what was in the little Jawa’s line of sight. It was Arcann. But what could be so interesting about him, to a Jawa?

She looked down as she realized Blizz was slowly walking past her. Her eyes flew to Arcann’s – had he ever even encountered Jawas before? Probably not. She hoped he would be polite.

“Ooooooh, shiny…” Blizz bubbled.

Abruptly she realized what he was looking at.

Arcann’s cybernetic hand, which was exposed since he’d refused to wear gloves. Of course – Jawas were notoriously fascinated with technology of all sorts. And they certainly wouldn’t have seen anything like Arcann’s arm; Zakuulan tech would be beyond anything they’d encountered.

Arcann’s face was rather alarmed as the Jawa approached him, and he glanced at her for aid, but she wasn’t about to give it to him.

With a smile, she held up her gloved hands and wiggled her fingers, and he, correctly interpreting her gesture as a reminder that he could have had his hands covered, scowled at her.

Blizz turned to Ailis. “Will drop job for hand,” he piped.

“You mean…you’ll stop the job you’re on and come with us? In exchange for his hand?” Ailis barely managed to keep her voice even.

Blizz nodded vigorously. She pretended to consider this.

Arcann’s mouth dropped open, his outrage evident. She pursed her lips together for a moment to prevent her laughter from bubbling forth.

“I wish I could do it Blizz, but he needs his hand. We’ll start with getting the salvage for you instead.”

Blizz’s disappointment was comical.  His shoulders dropped and he shuffled back away from Arcann. But as they were leaving, he called out again.

“Hey, stranger-person!” Ailis turned again…noticing out of the corner of her eye that Arcann had crossed his arms so that his metal hand was no longer visible. She snorted under her breath.

“Maybe later, if Blizz come along…Blizz can look closer at hand?”

“Of course!” Ailis readily agreed, not even needing to turn to note the exasperation radiating from her companion. “In fact,” she added as she leaned down to Blizz’s eye level, “It’s a whole arm! All the way to the shoulder!”

Blizz practically danced with anticipation, and Ailis could not restrain a giggle as she and Arcann got on their speeders once again. Arcann started to ask her what she’d been thinking, but before he could even get a sentence out, she’d gunned her vehicle and headed east in the direction of the Starship Graveyard, leaving him to jump on his bike and catch up.

*******

They rode for 15-20 minutes through the frozen landscape, passing smaller bits of spacecraft littering the snow and ice. They skirted a Republic outpost, not wanting to have to explain their business and risk getting delayed. She let Arcann catch up to her, and eventually they crested a rise in full view of the Broken Blade, one of the larger wreckages in this area. She pulled up short, wanting to let Arcann soak in the view.

He stopped, removing his goggles, and got off his speeder. She did the same, and they stood for a moment regarding the hulking ruin, its two halves broken cleanly in two, the road they were on traversing between the fore and aft sections.

Arcann was clearly properly impressed, and listened with interest as she told him a brief history of what had happened on this planet. She looked forward to his reaction to the Star of Coruscant, which was basically invisible in the flurry of snow that floated further down the path.

As she watched his expression of awe, she felt a rush of affection for him; because of the way he’d been raised, she didn’t think he’d ever even been allowed to explore planets in any context other than conquest. She hoped to take him to all the beautiful places she’d seen, and those she hadn’t yet, so he could experience all the interesting worlds the galaxy held.

From the corner of his eye he caught her watching him, and turned to her, brushing her pale hair away from her face. The chill wind had blown her hood back, her hair tossed about in the breeze.

He pulled her close and kissed her softly, but when he did she could feel how cold his nose was.

“Arcann,” she whispered.

“Yes my love?”

“Your nose is like an icicle.”

Immediately he leaned down and pressed it against her warm neck.

“How interesting, he said, squeezing her tighter as she tried to wriggle away, “even Jedi squeal on occasion.”

She finally managed break free and couldn’t help laughing as she rummaged through her bag, finally pulling something forth.

She tossed him the thick knit hat she’d brought. “At least put this on? I’d hate for any of your…extremities to fall off from frostbite.”

“I think we both know which of my extremities is most important to you,” he teased.

“Indeed – your cybernetic fingers could come quite in handy when bargaining with Jawas,” she quickly retorted.

Once again he pulled her into his embrace, laughing. “I can’t believe you let him think for a whole ten seconds that you’d give him my hand…”

She giggled. “Your face was too priceless, I couldn’t help myself.”

“Mmhmm.” Finally he released her and, donning the hat as she’d asked, and they both replaced their goggles and continued on their journey.

Within another ten minutes they’d passed through the Broken  Blade, and as they turned a corner the massive hull of the Star of Coruscant became visible through the fog.

Arcann slowed, and she stopped, guessing he wanted to ask her what it was.

“I don’t want to stop too long here,” she called over the noise of their speeders as she pulled up close to him. “Lots of pirates and scavengers the closer you get to the Star, up ahead.”

“The what?”

She explained the history of the Star of Coruscant, the most massive super-dreadnought ever built. Its durability was made clear by the fact that it hadn’t broken up on impact with the planet’s surface; the entire ship sat whole ahead of them, a behemoth sleeping in the snow.

“I don’t think the Gravestone is even anywhere near that big,” he marveled.

 “It’s not,” she agreed. “But The Star is full of a particularly nasty band of pirates, so we don’t want to get too close,” Ailis warned. “I think we can find everything Blizz wanted here, near the Broken Blade.”

They navigated amongst the debris, hunting for the parts Blizz had described, careful to give a wide berth to any groups of pirates they saw doing their own scavenging.

Once or twice as they were gathering materials, they had to engage in some…aggressive negotiations with the White Maw. When the pirates first approached, yelling about their supremacy and right to all the salvage in the area, Ailis worried she’d end up doing the same to them that she’d done on Yavin 4 – destroy them all before she could get control of herself.

She was taking better care to keep an eye on her anger, but it turned out she didn’t really need to – this time, it wasn’t personal. Ailis told them to stand down, and when blasters were drawn, she calmly put up a Force shield that easily resisted their fire. It was a particular skill of hers, and while she couldn’t hold it up forever, it was certainly useful in deflecting an initial volley.

As the pirates swore, she Force-lifted some rocks and began flinging them toward her attackers – small ones at first. As larger and larger stones began rising from the frozen ground, their opponents backed off, still shouting obscenities.

Arcann didn’t even draw his lightsaber, just stood there with his arms crossed, looking amused. He well knew she could handle herself against something so paltry as a small group of ramshackle starship pirates.

“They’ll likely be back,” he pointed out.  “If you don’t want a showdown we’d better finish finding the materials that little person wants.”

Ailis just stared at him. “Little…little person?”

“Blizz, I think his name was…the little guy that wanted my hand.”

“You…” Ailis put her hand over her mouth, and Arcann raised an eyebrow. She didn’t know why but Arcann calling Blizz a “little person” brought her so much amusement she could barely contain herself.

“I’m sorry,” she managed, her voice only a little breathless. “I forget you likely haven’t encountered Jawas before.”

“Oh is that what he is? I’ve heard of them, but there aren’t any on Odessen, and I didn’t run across any…before…”

Even with her shields up she felt the wave of regret that emanated from him suddenly. She dropped the piece of metal she was holding and silently walked to his side, her humor vanishing as quickly as it had appeared. She put her arms around him, and stood there with her head on his shoulder, trying her best to exude forgiveness and acceptance.

He returned her embrace, and after a minute or two she felt him rein in his emotions.

She stepped back just in time for him to turn his head and sneeze loudly.

“Oh dear,” she lamented, “I hope you aren’t going to become ill somehow from not wearing the proper gear out here—“

“Hardly,” he scoffed, rubbing his face. “Your hood fluff tickled my nose.”

She giggled and picked up the last piece of material they needed. “I think that’s it, let’s get back to that ‘little person’ and then return to the ship!”

But Blizz had other ideas.

Once they’d turned over the pieces they’d brought back, he had yet another task for them before he could leave his job and accompany them back to Odessen.

“Gotta take things to friends, they need. If you want done faster, you can take.”

Ailis barely refrained from rolling her eyes – despite her layers she was starting to get chilled, and poor Arcann must be freezing although he didn’t complain. She settled for sighing heavily.

“Fine, but after this, we’re done, ok?” She asserted firmly.

Blizz nodded vigorously, and she held her hand out for the items he gave her, placing them in the storage compartment of the speeders one by one.

“Are these…socks?” she asked incredulously, as Blizz handed her the last parcel.

“Hoth too cold for Nu’na! Need socks to keep feets.”

“I can relate,” Ailis muttered as she got back on her speeder yet again and headed out into the snow.

***

Ailis peered through the softly falling snow, looking for Blizz’s first Jawa associate. Republic droids dotted the landscape, apparently doing recon, and she was afraid they were in the wrong place until she saw a tiny igloo, or something like it – the size indicated it could only belong to a Jawa. Or perhaps an Ugnaught…

But the coordinates hadn’t lied, and one of Blizz’s small friends was waiting just outside the hut. Preeti seemed impressed that she’d gotten the name right; but quickly their focus faltered, and Ailis had to wave the vibro-ear in front of their face to regain their attention.

Preeti absently thanked her, grabbing the vibro-ear out of her hand, stuffing it nonchalantly into their pocket. Ailis was feeling a little exasperated – she’d agreed to traipse around handing out party favors to Blizz’s team members, and she couldn’t even keep their attention for 30 seconds?

But again, Arcann was to blame. She slapped a hand over her mouth as Preeti slowly moved past her, heading in Arcann’s direction, no doubt mesmerized by his metallic appendage.

Arcann closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose with his right hand as Preeti gently prodded his left. After a few seconds of this, Ailis took pity on him.

“I’m sorry Preeti, but we have a lot of work to do, we have to be going,” she interrupted the Jawa’s inspection.

“Preeti….PREETI,” she said forcefully when the other didn’t acknowledge her.

Finally the Jawa turned, blinking at her as if just noticing her presence. “Oh. Ok, uhh…thanks for this,” they mumbled, walking back toward their little shelter.

Ailis shared an amused glance with Arcann as they hopped back on their speeders – or rather, her expression was amused; his more closely resembled weary resignation.

This process was repeated with the other three Jawas Blizz had sent them to. By the time they met the last one, Arcann was careful to keep his hands behind his back. He was found out, however, as he rummaged through his speeder’s storage compartment for the final item, a laser-torch, and handed it to R’bik without thinking which hand he was using.

R’bik, whose hands had been held out to receive the torch, let it fall into the snow unnoticed, and echoed his associates’ fascination with the cybernetic limb.

Arcann had had more inspection attempts than he could handle by this point, and jerked his hand away, warning the Jawa to leave him be. Ailis was about to step in, worried R’bik would be offended, thus hurting their chances of getting Blizz on the Alliance roster.

R’bik slowly turned to her. “You want to trade?”

Ailis just stared at him, unsure what he meant.

“Give good materials for metal man. He part droid?”

Once again Ailis had to press her hand over her mouth to prevent the hilarity from bubbling forth. She shook her head silently, trying to regain her composure.

“No, he’s not part droid, and I’m sorry but he’s my…trusted companion, I can’t give him to you.”

R’bik shrugged in disgust. “Ok, fine. Thanks for laser torch,” he grumbled. He seemed less than happy with his torch, now that he’d been denied the joy of Arcann’s cybernetic limb, and he grabbed it from the snow and stomped off, promising to find things to burn with it.

Ailis approached Arcann, her lips pressed into a thin line as she attempted to keep a serious face. Arcann’s irritation only served to bolster her amusement, though of course she couldn’t admit that to him.

Grabbing his left hand, which wasn’t as cold as she would have expected, she threaded her fingers through it.

“It _is_ rather fascinating, you know,” she managed to say with only a slight betraying quiver in her voice.

His eyes flew to hers, suspicious, and she gazed innocently up at him, stepping closer, hoping to diffuse his anger.

It worked; his right hand (considerably colder than his left) crept around her neck underneath her hood. She suspected he was using this excuse to warm his chilled digits.

“You know...a couple of years ago I would have killed people for less,” he murmured, his thumb stroking her throat.

“Mmmhmmm…” She closed her eyes for a moment. “It’s a good thing you’re a changed man, then,” she whispered in reply.

He drew closer. “I’m still very dangerous, you know,” he continued, his mouth inches from hers.

“Oh I’m well aware.” Ailis’s gaze drifted to his lips, then back up to his eyes that so closely echoed the icy colors of the landscape. “But we should get back to Blizz,” she teased as she backed away, mounting her speeder, glancing archly at him over her shoulder when he growled in frustration.

“You realize I’m going to pay you back for this entire day of torment,” he grumbled as he got back on his own vehicle and started it up.

“I’m counting on it,” she tossed back as she sped away.

***

Finally, they were back on the ship. Ailis tried to settle Blizz in one of the bunks, only to find him trailing behind her and Arcann as they headed back to the cockpit.

“Blizz want to see arm!” he insisted in his staccato language. Ailis was actually starting to feel sorry for Arcann by this point; in the beginning the Jawas’ fascination with his cybernetic limb had been amusing, but now it had to be getting old.

But to her surprise, Arcann didn’t immediately rebuff their small passenger.

He looked at him, his eyes narrowed for a moment. “Alright, come on then, but no tools! I don’t want you dismantling the only left arm I have.”

Ailis watched in astonishment as Arcann walked with Blizz toward the med bay, removing his outer garments as they went. It was just like him, honestly, to surprise her with unexpected kindness. She ought to expect such things from him by now; under his gruff exterior he was so eager to atone for the things he’d done, and was willing to go to great lengths in service of this.

She heard Blizz’s “ooooooooh” of excitement when the full arm was exposed, and chuckled as she entered Odessen’s coordinates into the nav computer. Hopefully Blizz could behave himself for the duration of the trip back, as Arcann was being remarkably accommodating of their new ally’s insatiable curiosity.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY a continuation of Ailis and Arcann's story :) Next-to-last chapter; a new evil rears its head...

Upon their return to Odessen, Blizz was quickly installed in Hylo's wing, although Ailis had to spend twenty minutes convincing Dr. Oggurobb that's where he should stay.

Her next stop was the war room, where Lana had updates on several matters.

She'd confirmed that Ailis's sister Aoife was in good health, and hadn't even been contacted by anyone suspicious yet. Nevertheless, an alliance member, a former Jedi, was going to remain in the area to ensure her safety. Ailis was satisfied with this for the moment, although she resolved to go see her sister as soon as she was able. It had been some time since she'd visited her.

There was nothing to report on Jole or his sister; they'd had 'companions' for the past few days to explain to escort them around the base, answer their questions about the Alliance, and so forth. Although Jole's escort had reported him to be rather nervous, that only seemed in keeping with his personality, from what Ailis had seen of it. Varix Durban, on the other hand, continued to appear bland and innocuous.

Koth was not in evidence in the war room; normally he was on hand for her debriefings when she'd been away, and she raised an eyebrow at Lana.

"Someone's avoiding me," she murmured, and Lana nodded.

"I can't say I've anything new to report on that front – perhaps he's lost interest in whatever he was planning, but he doesn't seem eager to speak to you, at any rate."

Ailis shrugged. "He'll get over it."

"So one must assume," Lana replied stoically.

Ailis hurried them through the remainder of the information they had to impart to her, eager to get back to her quarters and shower in her own refresher instead of the cramped one on the ship.

She refused to consider the fact that maybe she was also looking forward to welcoming a certain Zakuulan to her quarters.

Over an hour later, it was quite late, and she'd just sent a message to Arcann letting him know she was done with her Alliance duties and was going to bed soon.

"Alone?" he responded, and she rolled her eyes.

"I hope not."

"Are you sure…maybe I should give you some 'space'," he teased, and she shook her head.

"As Commander I am Commanding you to support this Alliance by coming by my quarters as soon as possible," she typed, failing to repress a giggle.

"As you wish, Commander."

She smiled and began making some Voss tea.

A scant few minutes later, her door buzzed, but she knew immediately it wasn't Arcann – she would have sensed him, even with her barriers up as they usually were.

Koth, perhaps, coming to actually get his gripe out in the open with her? Her eyes widened as she thought of how detrimental it would be for Arcann to show up at her room while Koth was there, most likely explaining to her why he didn't trust him.

Before opening the door, she briefly reached out to see if she could determine if it was indeed Koth; she might need to send Arcann a message to wait a bit before he came by.

It wasn’t Koth, but…

She couldn’t quite tell who it was. Not a Force-user, that was certain. Their aura was familiar but…indistinct, somehow. Interesting.

She grabbed a robe from a hook on the wall; she didn’t want to be opening the door for strangers in her minimal pajamas.

She waved open the door, and her eyebrows shot up when she saw who was standing there.

Jole.

“C-Commander, I’m really sorry for bothering you so late—“

Ailis was quite curious as to what he was doing there, but she didn’t want to be too short with him; she knew he was skittish as a thranta.

“It’s alright Jole, did you need something?”

“I…I’m really sorry Commander, but I…”Jole looked as if he was about to cry.

Suddenly it occurred to Ailis to wonder how Jole knew where her quarters were; it wasn’t that other Alliance members weren’t allowed in this wing, per se, but she didn’t think her specific door number was common knowledge…

Her suspicion came too late; she felt something pierce the skin of her neck, and before she could even reach up to investigate, darkness swam over her vision, and she lost consciousness.

*******

Just as he'd responded to Ailis's last message, a half smile on his lips, he got an urgent message from Hylo, requesting his assistance in the Underworld Logistics wing.

He rolled his eyes; all he wanted to do was go to sleep – well, maybe not just go to sleep; but of course there would be some emergency. He messaged her back, asking what it was about, but she didn’t respond. He sighed as he nearly jogged toward the elevator.

But Hylo wasn't at her usual station. He spotted Blizz nearby, and asked him where the Mirialan was; the Jawa pointed one of the storage bays, where he could see Hylo behind some large crates, gesticulating in apparent anger.

He couldn't tell who she was put out with, until he saw a horn over the top of the crate, and he pursed his lips on a snicker.

He didn’t know what Gault had done this time, but he hoped Hylo didn't murder him for it. And he definitely wasn't about to interrupt one of their spats. Whatever she needed from Arcann apparently had been trumped by her argument with the Devaronian, and he was happy to leave her to it and hurry on to the Commander's waiting arms.

He had to pass her door to get to his, but he didn’t stop; he wanted to take a shower and change first. Hopefully this time his water would actually be hot…

His reminiscences were cut short as he passed the door to her quarters.

Something was…not right.

He glanced at the door, and noticed it was very slightly open.

He didn’t sense Ailis inside.

Now he was concerned. He looked around and didn’t see anyone else in the area. He opened the door the rest of the way, stuck his head inside, called her name, even though he knew it was futile. He would know if she was here.

He closed his eyes for a moment to see if he could tell where she was.

He could feel a dull hum in the Force that echoed her signature but he couldn’t sense its location. He thought of Force-cuffs, but no – she’d been bound with those the first time he’d met her, and he could still sense her presence in the force like some bright star. They might prevent her wielding the Force, but they didn’t cloak it.

Could she be…dying? Surely he would have felt that…

Now he was frantic.

He looked around the room, but what would he look for? There was nothing broken or disturbed – her bed was unmade from the night before. He didn’t know her room well enough to tell if there was anything out of place.

There was her datapad, on the table just inside the door. The light wasn't blinking – no unread messages. So she’d disappeared after he’d sent that message, only twenty minutes ago, or less. Even knowing that he was on his way over…

His heart clenched so painfully he almost sank to his knees; what if she _was_ dead? What if he’d just found the most beautiful thing that had ever existed in his life, and someone had taken her from him? What if he could never touch her hair again, her face…what if the only person who’d ever loved him for himself, without reservation, was gone?

*******

Lana’s holocom lit up; she stood up from the floor where she was exercising and checked who the call was from. Arcann? What could he want at this time of night… Wiping her face with a towel, she accepted the call.

“Lana, the Commander is gone.” His voice shook ever so slightly.

"What do you mean , I just saw her an hour ago—"

“I just passed by her door, and it was ajar. She’s not here.” He seemed to be pacing back and forth inside the Commander’s quarters as he held his personal holocom.

“Well, perhaps she went somewhere.” Lana tried to calm him, but this suggestion did seem unlikely, given the hour.

“She wouldn’t have…she was…expecting…she wouldn’t have left.”

If the situation wasn’t so serious Lana might have laughed at his awkwardness.

“Was she expecting you at any certain time?”

“Force-dammit Lana, she just messaged me a few minutes ago, and now she’s not here! Her datapad is here, and the door is open. Something’s happened – I can’t FEEL her.”

Lana’s eyes narrowed. “Hold on.” She closed her eyes and tried to locate the Commander. Her essence still existed, but she couldn’t pinpoint it. It seemed…weak. Diluted. Her eyes popped open.

“Alright, I agree something’s happened. I’ll get Theron checking the system to see if he can find a clue. Stay there, in case...” She sighed, unsure ‘in case of’ what. “I’ll be right there.” The Commander’s room was only a few hundred feet from hers, and she headed out the door at a trot, pulling up Theron on the way.

*******

Theron cracked his eye open as he heard his holocom chirp.

Now was not the best time…he hit the ignore button and rolled over, throwing an arm over his companion.

It chirped again. He glanced over to see who it was this time – Lana.

He sighed, grabbed the device and walked into the next room before he accepted the call.

“Theron, listen—sorry if you were sleeping,” she interrupted herself as she noticed his shirtless state. “But this is important. It’s the Commander.”

He could see she was walking and carrying her holocom.

He yawned. “What’s going on?”

“She’s missing.”

Theron just blinked at Lana’s image.

“What?”

“Arcann went by her rooms and found her gone, her door ajar, and she’d just messaged him about coming over.”

Remembering the looks that had passed between those two recently, Theron was convinced she wouldn’t have left her room if Arcann was on the way over.

“That’s not good.”

“Congratulations on your powers of deduction, Theron.”

“Very funny. Could you find her through the Force? Either of you?”

“No. She’s…still alive. But we can’t locate her.” Lana’s expression was even more perturbed now.

“That’s weird isn’t it?” Theron asked as he threw a shirt on.

“Yes, extremely.”

“Alright, I’ll meet you outside her room.”

He ran into the other room, gave his girlfriend a kiss and told her he’d be back shortly, Alliance emergency. She mumbled something and went back to sleep.

Theron used his implants to scan the network for any anomalies, but didn’t find anything on his way to the Commander’s room, only 4 doors away.

*******

Ailis woke to near darkness. Well, woke was a strong word; she didn’t think she was actually awake. She sat, cross-legged, in the middle of a dark space, the only illumination a purple sort of glow that was coming from…

…from herself?

Suddenly she remembered the dart. Jole? Had Jole betrayed her? But that seemed so unlikely, he’d been so sincere – even the Force told her when she’d met him that he had no bad intentions. But she hadn’t really probed at all when he’d come to the door; stupid of her. Something had changed, and whatever it was, it had allowed him an advantage over her.

She sighed in frustration. She wasn’t dead; that much was obvious. But…still unconscious? Probably.

Another sigh echoed hers, and she nearly jumped out of her (incorporeal) skin.

“Finally!” said an all-too-familiar voice.

“Are you responsible for this?” Ailis demanded.

“That’s nice! I’m trying to _help_ you, Outlander.”

Ailis looked around but still couldn’t see anyone else in this…place, with her. But she could feel her – she was surprised at how strongly.

But of course…Vaylin had injured her with the Force on multiple occasions. Naturally she now had a special bond with her.

One that had never occurred to her, since the last time they’d been physically within hundreds of miles of one another, Vaylin had died.

“Yes, good of you to remember that,” Vaylin murmured silkily.

“I…” Ailis sighed. There was nothing she could say; obviously, Vaylin had her own memories of that incident, and there was no getting around the fact that she’d killed her. “I’m sorry we didn’t try harder,” she finally whispered. Squeezed her eyes shut to prevent the tears she didn’t even understand; suddenly, she felt so horribly guilty. She had allowed this woman’s _brother_ to help kill her. What kind of horrible person would do that?

“You’re only feeling this bad because I’m here. I think.” Vaylin mumbled angrily.

Ailis looked up, not crying yet, but unsure if she even could, here inside her mind. “What difference does that make?” Her voice cracked. “There had to have been a way to subdue you instead of kill you! Your brother is…is tortured over it…” her voice broke on a sob.

“Listen, we all make mistakes.” Vaylin’s voice seemed uncomfortable with this display of emotion from the Outlander. “But let’s not whine about it now.” She paused, as shaky breaths from Ailis punctuated the silence. “You also helped me, when Father…when Valkorion tried to bind me again. So…”

She huffed. Now Ailis could barely see her outline, a wisp of purple smoke in the edge of the darkness.

“Anyway, you’re in a bind. My brother’s right – you’re too trusting. You can’t just open your door to any and everyone, you’re the Commander of the Eternal Alliance.”

Vaylin seemed quite annoyed now; perhaps more so because the Commander had induced her to speak somewhat sincerely for a moment.

Ailis wiped her eyes, which were indeed still dry, but didn’t feel that way, and took a deep breath.

“You can’t find me any stupider than I do myself at this moment,” she agreed ruefully.

“Oh I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”

“Very funny. But why are you helping me? And more importantly, how are you here?”

*******

The Commander’s three main advisors paced in front of her quarters.

Theron still hadn’t found anything of use in the base’s databanks, and he’d gone through her room but found nothing to give them a clue as to what had happened; everything inside was as it should be. He scanned the area around her door but no evidence was visible. He called one of his old SIS colleagues in the Alliance, waking him, and asked him to get a team up to their location asap to scour the area for any information they could find.

Lana and Arcann had been meditating on the Commander’s location for the past ten minutes while Theron worked, and could only surmise, without 100% confidence, that Ailis was outside the base, in the Odessen wilds.

That was better than nothing; they headed toward the elevator, intent on taking their search out of doors.

*******

Vaylin’s form solidified a bit more, but was still murky and insubstantial.

“It doesn’t matter; what does matter is that everyone’s looking for you, and you’re in some sort of special Force-dampening field, and I’m here to help you out of it.”

 “I…” Ailis could barely process this whole situation, much less these blunt words. “Thank you?”

“Yes, you’re welcome. Now, the problem is, you have to actually let me in, in order for this to work.”

“What do you mean, let you in? Aren’t you already here?” Ailis was beyond confused.

“It’s taking all my concentration just to exist, Outlander – to even show up to you this way is almost beyond my capabilities. If you actually let me in I can give you the power to break out of this field.”

Ailis’s eyes grew wide as these words reminded her briefly of something she never wanted to relive again.

“Shit…that came out wrong,” Vaylin quickly amended. “Look, you can tell it’s me, and not him, right? And obviously I’m not powerful enough to control you, and why would I want to?”

Ailis thought about this for a moment. “You could be Empress of Zakuul again. As me.”

“Good point. That was terrible reasoning. But you know I’m not as strong as Valkorion was, and you fended him off. So either way, you’ll…probably…be fine?” Vaylin’s voice was the epitome of a shrug.

For some reason this almost friendly banter reassured Ailis somewhat, and she relented. “Fine, although you’re the one who just told me I’m too trusting.”

“Yes well, clearly I’m not very good at arguing. I used to just kill people that disagreed with me.”

“That’s disturbing.”

“You almost laughed, I’m in your head remember, I saw that.”

Ailis pursed her lips together, refusing to rise to this bait. She closed her eyes and focused, slowly dismantling the shields inside her head.

When she was done, she opened her eyes, and Vaylin, nearly solid, was in front of her, extending a hand to help her up.

*******

Arcann gasped. Lana and Theron stopped in their tracks, glancing at each other. They halted just inside the door that led to the Odessen wilds. 

His eyes were closed, his look of concentration almost painful. As they stared, his eyes popped open.

“My sister is here.”

Lana just gazed blankly at him.

“Arcann…”

“Yes, I’m well aware of how it sounds. But I can feel her essence, and…somehow, the Commander’s is a bit stronger now.”

Lana, too closed her eyes and sent tendrils of the Force reaching out to locate Vaylin. Her mouth dropped open when she found it. It was almost as hard to pinpoint as the Commander’s, but it was there.

Theron stood by with his arms crossed, his eyes tired, clearly a little annoyed with the Force-sensitives leaving him out of the loop.

Lana, ignoring him, turned her attention back to Arcann. “Do you think she’s responsible?”

“It’s…possible? But it seems so unlikely, given our experience with killing Valkorion…the Outlander helped her find release then, why would she…”

“Did you know Vaylin had become a Force Ghost?” Lana asked, almost angrily.

“I…not exactly.”

Theron’s eyebrows shot up. “Not EXACTLY? What does that even mean?” He demanded.

“We felt her presence, once, a few days ago.” He paused.

“That’s not much to go on,” Lana replied impatiently.

“Ailis…had a dream about her as well.”

Lana rolled her eyes. “You didn’t think to tell anyone about this?”

“We would have told you if anything had actually happened, but we didn’t think there was any need.”

Lana sighed. “Fair enough, a dream isn’t necessarily an emergency.” She thought for a moment. “Either way, we can use this to find her. It seems their presence is growing stronger, so that’s good. We should enlist Sana-Rae, and anyone in the Force Enclave that is skilled at sensing other Force users.”

“You should wake my mother,” Arcann suggested. Lana agreed. “But…don’t send her out to find us just yet – I’m not sure how Vaylin would react.”

Lana looked up from where she was calling Senya on her holo, and nodded silently as the other woman picked up.

Her voice, explaining the situation to Senya, faded as she hurried to the Force Enclave to speak with Sana-Rae, and Theron and Arcann were left alone.

“After you, you’re the one who has a general direction of where to look.” Theron waved toward the door, and Arcann preceded him into the night.

*******

Ailis’s eyes opened a fraction. To her surprise, she could immediately sense nearby people through the Force – she’d assumed she wouldn’t be able to, given what Vaylin had said. However, when she reached out further, trying to find Arcann – he would be the quickest to reach given their bond – all she sensed was…fog.

It was a very strange sensation; being aware of people’s Force presence was something that had become second nature to her, and now that sense was heavily diminished. Once she determined no one was looking directly at her, she opened her eyes all the way.

They were in the cave – the one she’d dreamed about, the one she’d been to before. Odd that she’d been brought here, when she hadn’t thought about this place for months. Or maybe…not a coincidence?

Her hands were bound with some sort of Force-cuffs, but they seemed standard enough; she didn’t think that was causing the field Vaylin mentioned.

Just as she’d assumed before she even awoke, Jole was present, although clearly distressed. Even without the force, his tear-stained face gave away his dismay at what he’d done, luring the Commander out of her room in such a way.

He was seated on the floor of the cave, arms wrapped about his knees, staring out into the night. His occasional sniffles punctuated the silence.

But Ailis quickly turned her attention to the Force-user in the room, her presence like a glowing hot ember in the Force, dark red and angry.

Varix Durban.

So Theron’s suspicions had been correct, and Varix was a danger. But what was the point of all this?

She could easily sense feelings of revenge oozing off of the other woman, but in her experience that was a common emotion among some Sith. She could also detect hatred, and anger. It didn’t necessarily mean any one of those things was the specific motivator for this situation.

 As she pondered this she realized that Varix wasn’t just meditating. She seemed to be pouring energy into something, although Ailis couldn’t quite see what it was as she was turned mostly away from her.

She debated for a moment whether she should draw attention to herself. On the one hand, she didn’t have much of a plan once they were aware she was awake; in Force-cuffs, she was somewhat of a sitting orobird.

On the other hand, she didn’t like the thought of just waiting here, biding her time, until something happened. Who knew what that something might be?

She wasn’t one to wait for rescue; not to mention, she’d pretty much gone to bed for the night, and no one would know otherwise. No one besides Arcann, and she wasn't sure that any of the others would give much weight to his concern, at least until more time went by and she didn’t show up; either way, she couldn’t expect anyone to come and find her. How could they possibly know where she was? She couldn’t locate Arcann, and she had to assume she was invisible to him as well – and he was the most likely person to be able to sense her. So that put her back at square one.

Suddenly she felt a tingle in her fingertips. Tiny tendrils of Force-lightning danced briefly across her skin.

Was Vaylin’s power not bound by the Force-cuffs? If not, perhaps she could take her captor by surprise.

She only moved slightly, but the brittle rocks on the floor of the cave immediately crunched beneath her. So she wasn’t going to get the drop on her opponent by physically jumping up and overpowering her. But perhaps she could still surprise her with a jolt of Force electricity when she least expected it.

Hearing her, Jole looked up, and physically flinched when she caught his gaze. He immediately put his head back down on his arms, unable to look at her.

Varix calmly finished whatever ritual she was performing, and stood, turning towards her.

Ailis had yet to see Jole’s sister, but she could understand why Theron had thought they couldn’t be related.

Jole was a little under average height, his features nondescript although not unpleasant, with fairly common human coloring of pale brown hair, pale skin, and grey eyes.

Varix was…stunning. Although Ailis was prone on the ground, she could see that Varix was a few inches taller than she. Her figure made it clear that she practiced physical as well as Force exercises, the muscles of her bare arms clearly defined. Hair of deepest black fell in elaborate braids on either side of her head. Her features were strong, her bone structure striking, and she wore dark green makeup on her eyes that continued across the bridge of her nose.

Her eyes were bright, liquid gold.

She would have been an unparalleled beauty, had such an expression of malice not marred her flawless visage.

“Ahhh, the lovely Commander! So nice of you to join us,” she purred, and the sound sent a ripple of revulsion through Ailis. “I do apologize for the locale, but needs must, you know.”

“What do you want with me?” Ailis asked as she rose from the floor, sitting with her legs crossed. She was pleased to note that her voice sounded perfectly calm and reasonable.

Varix approached her, and Ailis wished fervently she’d stay away. She wasn’t afraid, exactly – more like repulsed. She tried her best to avoid broadcasting these feelings to the other woman, but with the Force cuffs on she couldn’t be sure how much success she was having.

Varix knelt down and lifted a strand of Ailis’s hair, silvery in the dim light of the cave.

“Such a beauty…” she murmured, her hand lightly caressing Ailis’s face. Not wanting to show how put off she was, Ailis continued looking her in the eye calmly.

Her intent expression quickly morphed into a sneer, and she grabbed a large handful of Ailis’s hair and dragged her head back, exposing her throat.

“So serene! Just like every stupid Jedi. But I’ll make you scream before the end, don’t worry.”

Ailis heard Jole whimper quietly at this. But she was actually glad Varix seemed to plan on torturing her before killing her – it meant she had some time to properly play her ace card.

“Fine, if you’re going to kill me, at least tell me what’s going on, Varix,” Ailis ground out, her neck still at an uncomfortable angle, the other’s grip on her hair beginning to hurt.

Without warning Varix released her hair, shoving her away, and stood up.

“My name isn’t Varix, you imbecile,” she scoffed. “Varix is Jole’s sister, and if you think I’m related to that little puddle of nerf-milk, you’re even stupider than I suspected.”

Ailis’s brow lowered. This clearly explained the discrepancy in their looks, but not much else.

Abruptly the other woman laughed, and Ailis felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. “It’s just so funny,” she gasped. “I was trying so hard to get to you, all these machinations I’d gone through, and then—and then—“ she had to pause for a moment to catch her breath—“then Jole gets himself into the Alliance! Out of the blue! And I get an _invitation_! I could have killed the courier, I was so delighted!”

She instantly sobered up.

“My name is Lord Maltis,” she pronounced, her low, shaking voice at stark contrast to her hilarity of moments before. “And I have come here to make you suffer, and then snuff out your miserable life, for what you have done to my family and the Sith Empire.”


	14. Chapter 14

Ailis glanced over at Jole, who was cowering in terror as Lord Maltis made this declaration.

"I assume you have control over his actual sister, and that's why he helped you?" Ailis inquired, knowing that her lack of response to the other woman's melodramatic statement was likely to make her even more angry, but not really in the mood to feed her ego.

"He no longer has a sister," Maltis sneered, and Ailis sighed heavily. Shit.

"What?? You said she'd be spared if—you had holos of her!!" Jole wailed, and Ailis wished she could offer him some comfort, but there was nothing she could do.

The Sith narrowed her eyes. "You, too, have outlived your usefulness, traitor," she hissed, and held out her hand. Jole's body was flung against the side of the cave; he clawed at his neck, his face turning purple.

"Leave him be, Maltis, your gripe is with me!" Ailis demanded, but Maltis just smiled.

Slowly, Ailis could sense Jole's life-force ebbing away, and she stood, not knowing what she would do with these cuffs on, but not intending to sit by while a member of her alliance was murdered – regardless of what he'd been coerced into doing, she'd promised him protection.

But just after he went unconscious, Maltis tossed him to the floor, just outside the circle of the Force-dampening field.

"He did serve his purpose, I suppose," she said silkily, turning to Ailis. "Perhaps I'll save him for later, in case I need to add some extra flavor to what I do to you."

Ailis's eyes narrowed. If the woman would just get started with whatever it was she had planned… right now she didn't see much opportunity to surprise Maltis, when they were just standing in the cave, glaring at one another.

But when Maltis held out her hand and shot a bolt of Force-lightning at Ailis at point-blank range, she had to rethink her eagerness.

She'd never been attacked like this while rendered completely helpless, without her Force abilities. She didn't even have her full mental shields, nor any physical shield at all.

She'd never felt anything so painful in her life, and she'd been injured by lightsabers multiple times. Even when Arcann had literally run her through, she'd not felt agony anything like this.

As she doubled over and fell to the floor, her hiss of pain accompanied by Lord Maltis's laughter, she remembered briefly being zapped by the wiring in the speeder on Yavin IV…

That time Arcann had been there. She squeezed her eyes shut but a tear fell down her face regardless, and Maltis cackled anew.

"Not so fancy without the Force, are you, Jedi?" she laughed, and directed another blast of lightning at Ailis, this time at her exposed back.

Excruciating anguish raced along every nerve; she felt like even her very brain was on fire.

Shit; this was not going as planned. She tried to close her eyes, shut herself away from the pain that crackled through her, thinking maybe Vaylin could help her. But Maltis wouldn't let up, and every shock dissolved her focus.

Ailis began to wonder, through the haze of torture, whether she would even make it out of this, even with Vaylin's help.

***

Theron and Arcann found several tracks leading away from the base, and not having any idea of what they were looking for, they wasted time on multiple false leads.

But after they'd been outside in the darkness for half an hour – and Lana had called and let them know others in the base, including Senya, were searching for the commander, Arcann suddenly stilled.

He held up a hand as Theron started to ask him what the problem was, and focused; the Commander's presence had grown weaker once again, but Vaylin's had flared for a moment. He struggled to locate it.

"Come!" he demanded, and broke into a run, dodging trees as he skirted the east side of the base, heading toward the hills where there were numerous caves and hiding places.

Vaylin's presence flickered again, and each time he got a better read on where she was. Vaylin, and the Commander.

His hands tightened into fists. He refused to believe they might not find her in time. They would reach her – they were close, he knew it.

The alternative was…unthinkable.

***

Ailis rose to her knees in the cave, panting; she was honestly surprised she even had control over her motor skills at this point. But she had to get Maltis talking – she couldn't just let her sit here and electrocute her to death.

"So is that all you're going to do? Just zap me over and over until I die? That doesn't seem very…entertaining," she gasped.

Maltis smiled. "You'd be surprised. The pain in your face is really sustaining me, I must say."

"Don't you at least want to tell me why? What is it you think I've done to your family?"

Suddenly Maltis's hand was at Ailis's throat, and she easily lifted her, shoving her against the wall of the cave. "My husband was a great man," she whispered furiously. "He would have soon had a seat on the Dark Council. But unfortunately he was forced to accompany Darth Marr on a mission. His last mission."

"The destruction of Marr's ship was hardly my fault—" Ailis ground out.

"Yes, I'm well aware of that…it was _his_ fault. And then you _saved_ him."

Ailis's eyes grew wide. She'd assumed Maltis was only here for her, based on what she'd said, but…

"Ahhh yes, and now you see the true point."

"Why go to all this trouble—" she was gasping now, breathing was a labor, but Maltis could have squeezed a little more, but didn't. She wanted to keep her alive.

"You know, at first, I thought I'd just catch him out on a mission – kill him, perhaps with a little bit of play first." Ailis shivered. "But then my source told me…of how he looked at you, and you at him. And I thought…how fitting, that I should destroy the thing he loves, as he did to me."

"That was a long time ago, Maltis, things are different—"

"Of course they're different!" she screamed. She dropped Ailis to the ground, choking. Then she kicked the artifact that she'd been using to hide their force-signatures, and Arcann's presence shone through the darkness; but for once Ailis took no joy in his proximity.

This was what Lord Maltis had wanted, the whole time. For Arcann to see her kill the Commander, the woman he loved. And now that he'd somehow gotten close, and Maltis had revealed their exact position, she would use Ailis to hurt him, possibly even convince him to take her place as a 'hostage'.

Ailis closed her eyes. _I will not allow this_ , she swore to herself, struggling to her feet.

Maltis was immediately behind her, yanking painfully on her hair with one hand, the other around her neck. Her sharp nails dug into her skin, and Ailis realized with a shock that they were sharp enough to injure her.

Sharp enough to tear her throat out.

Strange that a Sith with such power in the Force would choose to use such a mundane tool to end someone's life.

Arcann and Theron appeared at the edge of the light, and she'd never seen Arcann so angry since he'd removed his mask. He met her eyes, and his eyes softened. But briefly.

Maltis laughed, her hand tightening. Without the force, she couldn't match this woman's strength. There was no way she could get free.

Arcann gathered his own Force-power at his fingertips.

"Now, now, _Emperor_ Arcann," she purred, but with a harsh edge to her voice. "If you get me, you get her, and I've really softened her up for you…she can't take much more."

Ailis closed her eyes in frustration. Without any way to shield herself…Maltis was probably right.

The golden crackle in his hands swiftly died. Ailis saw Theron, standing a little further back, in the shadows. His hands twitched, but he'd left his blasters, she saw. There was nothing he could do.

"What do you want," Arcann growled.

"I want you to cry," Maltis whispered. "I want you to cry as she _dies_. Just like I did, when you killed my beloved. I have been alone…for _YEARS_ ," she nearly screamed, and Ailis flinched.

"I don't know who he was, but if you want revenge on me, then take it on me, she had nothing to do with that." Ailis sighed; she'd known, of course, that he would try to do this. She would have done the same in his stead.

"I can't believe…" Maltis's voice had grown soft, contemplative almost. "That she would let you touch her…after everything you've done. It's not just my husband you murdered – the Empire is a shadow of what it once was, because of you!"

As Maltis talked, going on at length about how the leadership of the Empire had diminished, Ailis looked down to find the little tendrils of lightning dancing across her hands again.

This was her chance. Maltis was distracted, her focus on Arcann now.

Slowly she raised her hands, gripping the Sith's forearm as if to try to pry it away from her neck.

Maltis tightened her fingers almost absently, her sharp nails drawing blood.

Arcann's gaze flickered to hers, then back to Maltis's; Ailis closed her eyes.

Then she searched within, for that power that Vaylin had bestowed on her.

The one she'd felt flickering through her when she'd come back from the mission on Yavin IV.

The one she'd used to destroy Darth Vilius…and his men.

She had to be quick, sudden; she had to surprise her captor, or risk getting her neck slashed by the Sith's razor sharp nails.

She took a deep breath.

The cave exploded with light, bright lavender electricity erupting from the Commander. Maltis was thrown back, landing heavily against the back of the cave, dropping to a heap in the floor.

But the lightning was indiscriminate; Arcann staggered back as well, knocking Theron down. Jole, not far from them and still unconscious, wasn't left unscathed, either. Ailis screamed as she struggled to contain it, suddenly afraid of its power, its reach. She didn't know how to control it, harness it, direct it – what if it reverberated through the cave and killed everyone inside?

She went to her knees, battling the overwhelming strength of this unfamiliar force, trying her best to pull it back into her.

Finally, she reigned it in, and collapsed, gasping, to the floor, limbs twitching. If that was the power that Vaylin had been accustomed to using, she could well understand how she'd so easily bested almost all opponents. But how she'd learned to control it was another matter.

Unable to move yet, she glanced to the side…and watched with horror as Lord Maltis rose to one knee, then thrust out her hand.

She could only look on as if in slow motion as Maltis gathered her own lightning in her hand, and prepared to unleash it on Arcann.

But his lightsaber flew through the air at incredible speed, making contact with the Sith's hand, which fell uselessly to her side. Then the weapon returned to land neatly in his palm.

She held her wrist, glaring at him with deep hatred as he approached her. But before he reached the back of the cave, he knelt next to Ailis, his lightsaber making quick work of her force cuffs. As they fell off, all the things she was usually aware of flowed back into her consciousness; the Force filled her soul with power, and she immediately felt rejuvenated, if only slightly.

She also felt, now, Vaylin's presence, with much greater strength than before.

But Arcann was distracted; perhaps just by her, and perhaps by Vaylin's appearance – in the Force, if not visibly. Lord Maltis shot to her feet and ran towards him, her lightsaber out and glowing blood red as she made a last ditch effort to kill this man who she felt had taken everything from her.

Ailis yelled, but before Arcann could turn, a hand grabbed the commander's; she felt fingers link with her own, and point toward the Sith.

Lightning rushed from her fingers once again, this time in a straight line, past Arcann at the woman coming up behind him. It went straight through her, and proceeded to scorch the rear wall of the cave.

Maltis stopped mid-stride, her lightsaber clattering to the ground, and looked down at the smoking hole in her midsection. Then she fell to the dirt, and Ailis could feel that her presence in the Force had been extinguished.

She blinked, her mouth open. Had…had she done that?

Arcann turned back to her, his eyes wide.

But then a new voice echoed throughout the cave.

"You're welcome," Vaylin said, her ethereal form finally visible in the dim light.

***

Arcann carried her until they were in eyeshot of the base; then she insisted he put her down. Her limbs were weak, but functional, and she couldn't have the Alliance members catch a glimpse of her displaying such fragility.

Theron, on her other side in case she needed support, put a hand to his temple. When Ailis had unleashed Vaylin's lightning in the cave, it had fried some of his cybernetics. And apparently given him a beast of a headache.

"Theron, I'm so sorry about that, I had no idea how—"

"Commander, seriously. It's fine. I've had much worse – remember that time our good friend Lana got me abducted by the Revanites?" he said wryly, glancing over his shoulder at Lana, behind them.  

She glared at him. "This is hardly the time for jokes, Theron. You were all almost killed, and I still don’t think it's a good idea to trust this power—"

"Vaylin saved me, Lana. And we can talk more about the details later, but right now I'd strongly prefer it if you didn't speak ill of her." Vaylin's ghost had remained behind in the cave.

Lana sighed. "Understood. I am…happy you're alright, Commander."

"Why, because you'd have to run this place yourself if I was gone?" Ailis teased weakly.

"I already run this place."

"Good point."

Lana gave a tiny smile, and then fell back as medics came even with them in the forest, on the way to gather Jole and take him to the medbay. She led them back the way they'd come, as Ailis, Arcann, and Theron proceeded back to the base. Lana had already notified everyone that the Commander was alright.

They entered the base through a little-used door, therefore encountering few Alliance members on their way to Ailis's quarters. There, assured Arcann would take care of her, Theron left, eager to reach his own room and try to do some marginal repairs to his cybernetics until they could be fully fixed later.

As soon as the door was closed behind them, Arcann pulled her into a nearly crushing embrace, his arms tight around her, his hands squeezing slightly as if to reassure himself she was still there.

She could feel his fear, his relief. But also his guilt.

"Arcann…this is not your fault, she would have used any excuse to—"

"How can you say that? It is a hundred percent my fault, this all arose out of her husband being killed, and who blew up that ship? It's—"

"It's ancient history," she murmured, her arms around his neck. "We all make mistakes, it doesn't mean we should expect someone to try to kill us over them years later. Although…"

She gave a weak chuckle. "I guess both of us seem to have such problems," she admitted.

Arcann sighed. "But this could happen…hundreds of times, going by all the lives I've destroyed," he whispered. "Thousands. I can't…"

He released her, and stood back, looking away. "Commander, I can't allow you to be hurt because of me. I apologize for letting our relationship go as far as it did, but it is clearly a danger to you, and will continue to be so."

She stared at him, dumbfounded. She'd just nearly been killed, and he was...what was he saying?

"I will…attempt to find a way to serve the Alliance that does not require me to remain here. Even my presence in the base is a detriment to your safety."

She opened her mouth to speak, in too much shock to even be upset, yet. But she couldn't find any words.

He raised his eyes to hers, briefly, and winced. "Good night, Commander."

Her heart sliding inexorably into darkness, she watched him go.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW. Resolutions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end to the current story line for Arcann and Ailis, but that doesn't mean they're retiring! It just means any future stuff I write for them will be less episodic, i.e. it'll just be random stories of stuff happening here and there. I don't really play the game anymore (although naturally I will be all about the Arcann romance once it's released lol), and I have no interest in following the story arcs that have come out after KOTET (like Iokath and Umbara). So while those settings may crop up in future stories for these two, I won't be following any sort of timeline or anything or sticking to the game's story. Thanks to everyone for reading, giving kudos, and commenting! I LOVE YOU ALL <3

He would have to leave immediately; her despair was already eating at him, weakening his resolve, and it had only been minutes since he left her.

He knew he was right to do this. If she had been killed today by Maltis, because of him…he had no words for the anguish that flared in his gut at even the thought of such a thing.

And it wasn't just him that would be affected, if something happened to her. The Alliance, and therefore the whole galaxy, would be at risk.

How could he have ever accepted the idea of them being in a relationship? It was preposterous; he was so concerned with hurting her himself, that he hadn't even stopped to think about anyone else doing so _because_ of him. But given all the people whose lives he'd ruined, this scenario was all too likely to repeat itself.

He started to call Lana, then remembered that his electronics had been shorted out by Ailis's lightning blast. He walked to the holocom in his room, but there was a knock at the door.

His mother.

He opened the door reluctantly, and she strode into the room.

"Why are you here? And not with her? What has happened?" she demanded, easily sensing his heavy distress.

"Mother, Lana didn't tell you the details, but the Commander's life was put in danger as a result of her connection to me. As a result, I will be leaving Odessen as soon as possible."

Senya just stared at him. "You…someone just took her hostage, and almost killed her, and you _left_ her? I didn't think I raised my son to be so stupid!" Now she was flat out angry, and Arcann looked away, confused.

"I…I merely wish to keep her safe, mother, surely you can understand—"

"Yes, I'm sure she currently feels very safe," his mother said with uncharacteristic bitterness. "Not to mention that, from what I've learned of Jedi, she'll have trouble healing herself if she can't concentrate properly."

This disturbed Arcann even more than it might have at any other time, considering he could easily feel Ailis's despondency, her loneliness, her confusion through their bond.

"I…I suppose I should have waited, until she was in less distress…" For a moment he cocked his head to the side; Ailis's pain seemed to be diminishing even as he spoke, the dark glow of her sadness fading. She was shielding herself.

"Yes, well, it's too late now, isn't it?" She ground out. But suddenly her tone changed. "Arcann…"

She took his hand, and he turned to her with desperate eyes. "What else can I do, mother? She almost died because of me!"

"My son, there will always be dangers to the Commander," she said softly. "You well know this – many times she's been in perilous situations that had nothing to do with you. It is the nature of her position, and of her power. She is a threat to many, and therefore many are a threat to her."

Arcann looked down. This was true, but…

"And I firmly believe, that what you have with her, makes her stronger, and this outweighs any additional peril you may or may not put her in."

He sighed. But suddenly he was distracted by another presence.

He glanced worriedly at his mother; he was unsure how she would react to news of Vaylin's presence. But to his shock, she just smiled.

"Perhaps your sister can convince you," she said, and walked out the door.

He was left blinking in confusion.

"Well. That went better than expected," Vaylin said from behind him, and he spun around. "Yes, yes, I know I said I'd stay out there, and I will in future...however long I stay at all. But I had to speak to you further."

They'd barely had a chance to talk in the cave; he had to tend to Ailis, and Theron was there…

"Sister…"

"Now's not the time to get maudlin, Arcann, I've already had enough heartfelt sincerity for one day," she cut him off brusquely. "If I'd realized how much apologizing you would all do once you saw me again I might have stayed hidden."

He sighed heavily and sat down at his desk. "But Vaylin, you can't just expect for me to not care, I mean I saw you die, I helped _kill_ you, and now—"

"Arcann. I know." Now her voice was quieter, less petulant. "But unfortunately…what's done is done."

"Yet another of my horrific mistakes…" He lowered his head into his hands.

"Speaking of which," she continued briskly, "that's one reason why I'm here."

He lifted his head.

"Clearly I need to teach the Commander how to control the power she has now; I didn't expect it to just…fly all over the place in the cave earlier. But then I thought, no, better come back tomorrow, she's bound to be playing kissy face with my brother at this point."

He groaned and lowered his head once more.

"But of course I could tell immediately that she was alone, and what do I find but a curled up Commander, with a Force-shield so thick she can't even tell I'm there."

"Vaylin, this isn't—"

"You're an idiot, brother. You want to know a little secret?"

"Probably not."

"The only reason I gave her this power, once I knew I could give it to anyone, is because of you."

He stared at her, blue eyes blinking in bewilderment.

"Because of you, I could see what she was. She was manipulated by father just as much as we, although she saw through him better, I'm sorry to say."

"And I did so least of all," Arcann whispered.

"Well I did say you were stupid," she pointed out. "What I'm getting at, is that she's…not awful. And when she had the opportunity to help me, she did it."

"Neither of us did when it mattered."

Her grayish-purple outline seemed to waver for a moment, and his brow lowered even further, afraid he'd upset her enough that she would leave.

"I'd rather not talk about that."

"As you wish."

"Arcann…don't add another regret."

"W-what?"

"To the list. Of all the things you carry round with you all the time."

"What do you think I'm trying to avoid!"

"Fine, if my sincere advice won't move you, then maybe my sincere threats will." She glanced around the room, at the bag he was packing. "If you leave, I refuse to help her."

"Vaylin, that's not fair, she—"

"Like I said, only here because of you. You're my brother; if you're gone, I might as well be done with this place."

"That's low."

Her lip curled, and she shrugged. "As long as it works, I don't care."

"Why _do_ you care, anyway?"

She seemed taken aback by this. Her form shimmered again. "Doesn't matter."

"It _does_ matter, Vaylin – a year ago I would have thought you'd be happy to have the Outlander in tears, especially if it was at my hands. But now you want us to reconcile, why?"

She groaned. "Stop making me say sentimental tripe, I hate it!"

He just crossed his arms and stared at her.

"Because I want you to be happy, alright? Like I said, she's not awful, but it's not her I care about."

She made a noise of exasperation when he tried to surreptitiously wipe his eyes.

"Can I go now? There's too many people here, I can…sense them. I don't like it."

"I'm not keeping you," he replied gruffly, and she gave a sort of snort.

"Are you going to stop being stupid?"

He sighed. "Fine, since everyone seems intent on bullying me tonight…"

"It appears mother and I at least have one thing in common."

"You should talk to her."

"Mind your own business."

"Vaylin…before you go…"

"Ugh, what is it now?"

"I'm sorry."

She said nothing for some time, then approached a little closer.

"I know, brother." Her voice was so quiet he almost couldn’t hear her.

Then she was gone.

***

It had taken ten minutes or so to get a shield up; and now, any concentration that she might have spared for meditation or healing was going towards that, and she just sat, knees hugged to her chest, staring.

A solid force-shield was the only thing that would contain her emotional distress right now, especially from Arcann. And she had to keep it up – the last thing she wanted was anyone coming to check on her, sensing her suffering. She knew Lana would do so eventually, and planned to just pretend she was asleep.

She ached all over; her head pounded, fingers felt stiff, muscles were sore. The repeated blasts of Force-lightning had taken their toll, and she suspected that her own use of Vaylin's power had compounded the effect.

Despite all the scrapes she'd been in, as a Jedi and then as Alliance Commander, she couldn't deny this one had been one of the most affecting. Being overpowered by greater odds or an opponent who was stronger in the Force was one thing.

Not having access to the Force at all was something else.

It had happened before, of course, but it was never any easier to have the power that flowed through you night and day be suddenly erased. Especially when you were in a dangerous situation.

And Vaylin…she didn't know much about Force ghosts, and she'd no idea they could grant power of any sort. But regardless of anyone's comments or hesitations, Vaylin had saved her.

 _Why_ , she didn't know – after what she'd done to the former Empress, she was surprised Vaylin would even condescend to appear to her, much less help her.

A mystery for another time, when her mind was more composed. Right now, she could barely think straight.

She tried again to meditate; draw in the Force, let it calm her, even out her emotions. If she could just achieve a little serenity, maybe she could try to heal a bit…

She had very limited success.

The door buzzed. With her shield up, she couldn't tell who it was, but she guessed it was Lana; she turned over, faced the wall, remained quiet.

Damn, she was being persistent…well, she'd just have to tell her to go away. She dragged herself out of the bed, trudged to the door, a faint golden glow surrounding her as she went.

She opened the door.

Her shield flickered and died.

Abruptly Arcann put a hand against the doorframe, looking like he'd been punched in the gut.

She just stared at him, her usually vibrant eyes dull and weary, her dark tattoos making her golden skin look pale and wan in the dim light. Why was he here…

"Ailis…"

Her breath caught at the way he said her name, and she was very afraid for one moment that she'd break down. What defense did she have? She looked past him, scanning the hallway, then pulled him into the room.

"I'm too trusting, remember?" she said with a humorless laugh, taking refuge in sarcasm. "Not careful enough." She shook her head. "Didn't expect you to be proven right quite so soon, though."

"I would never have wished for what happened—"

"That wasn't what I meant," she replied, her voice quiet but hard as she stared at him, almost through him.

"I'm sorry."

"As am I, but you're free to do as you wish. I won't hold you here."

"Ailis…I…"

She tried to maintain her stoic gaze, remain expressionless. But when she drew a breath she shuddered, and had to look away. Why did he have to come here and torment her? She didn't know – could barely feel his emotions over the cacophonous sound of her own.

She took a deep breath, and brought her shield back up. Maybe he'd speak his piece and be done if he wasn't so distracted by her own dark mood.

"No," he murmured, taking a step toward her. "That's not fair – you're protecting me again."

"Nonsense. I'm protecting myself." This was a lie, and they both knew it. She looked down.

Then, to her shock, she felt his hand on her neck. How had he gotten through her barrier? And why—

Then his mouth was on hers, and she forgot about the shield.

He kissed her softly, gently, his left hand slipping around her lower back, pulling her to him.

She wasn't about to resist. Did it even matter why? Not right now it didn't.

"I'm sorry," he breathed against her lips, then moved to kiss her jaw, her cheek, repeating it each time. "I'm sorry I didn't stay to help you, I'm sorry I thought of leaving…stars, Vaylin was right, I _am_ stupid…"

Ailis drew back at this, putting a hand to his face. "What do you mean?"

"I suppose something else we have to thank her for – she saved you, and then she saved me. From my own bad decisions."

"I see," Ailis replied, not seeing at all, but not really interested in the details at the moment. "So…you're not leaving?"

He sighed against her hair. "I don't know why I thought I could in the first place," he breathed. "Wait, have you healed yourself at all?"

She was silent, and he pulled away and looked down at her, then at her dust-covered clothes, which she hadn't bothered to change yet. "Dammit," he mumbled. He left her side for a minute when he went to turn on the shower.

"Will you let me help you?" he asked quietly, his hands on her face.

She stared at him for a minute, and then nodded.

He pulled her into the bathroom, and carefully got her undressed. It seemed that now their own…misunderstanding was resolved, the physical pain she'd been less focused on before had come to the forefront. Despite her attempts to quell it, her body began to tremble, and even when she got under the hot water, she couldn't stop it.

He swore under his breath and quickly got out of his own clothes, then stepped into the shower with her. He put his arms around her, and her shaking slowly subsided, her breathing becoming more even.

She started to wash, but he quickly took over, and she let him – the heat was quelling some of her aches, but not much. She stood, motionless, as Arcann gently washed the dust of the cave from her, and she felt some of the stress over the past few hours flowing away from her as well.

When he was done, he dried her off, and picked her up, unresisting, to carry her into the bedroom. While he went back to retrieve his own things, she pulled out new pajamas from a drawer, trying not to wince as she pulled them on.

He was back in a moment, pulling on his clothes again, and she weakly held out her hand. "Arcann…don't…"

She sighed, and he stopped, tilting his head at her.

She was the Commander of the Eternal Alliance, she always had to maintain at least the appearance of strength. But with him…she didn’t think that mattered. "Don't leave me."

He immediately tossed the rest of his clothes into a chair and gathered her against him. "I'm not going anywhere," he whispered. Then he pulled her down onto the bed, sitting her in front of him, in the circle of his arms.

"You need to heal, Ailis, do you think you can try? I can send for Sana-Rae if you—"

"No." She took a deep breath, and laid her own arms over his. "I think I can make some progress now."

She'd never attempted healing herself when in contact with someone else, and she wasn't sure how it would work. But she remembered how quickly she'd healed on Yavin IV, when he'd approached her.

She closed her eyes, drew in the Force, envisioned herself bathed in its light. She concentrated on her muscles first, and she could feel them repairing, albeit slowly.

But suddenly a rush of power flowed through her – intense, but gentle, soft. She smiled as she refocused her efforts on the damage, the sensation odd, but pleasant. Almost effervescent.

She didn't know how long they sat there, but when she finally opened her eyes, faint sunlight was coming through the high window.

She took a deep breath, and though there was still a bit of residual soreness here and there, she felt almost back to normal. Arcann, seeing that she'd released her meditation state, tightened his arms about her for a moment.

She turned, leaning to the side to kiss him on his chin. "Thank you, I'm much better now."

"Do you want to sleep?"

Her deep breath turned into a huge yawn, and she smiled through it, stretching in his embrace. "I suppose I do," she laughed. "Oh, but wait…"

She grabbed her datapad and sent a message to Lana that she was recovering, but was still exhausted and preferred not to be disturbed for the rest of the day unless in case of emergency.

Suddenly it occurred to her to wonder how they'd gone all this time without being interrupted, but when she pondered this aloud, Arcann chuckled.

"That…may have been due to my mother," he admitted.

"Ah. I'll have to thank her. Once I've had a nap," she amended.

They got beneath the covers, and he pulled her against him, one arm under her pillow, the other around her waist.

It occurred to her briefly how ironic it was for the Jedi to preach about not forming attachments – if only they knew how much more effectively one could wield the Force, when there was love behind it.

***

Ailis slept nearly the whole day, rising only for the bathroom and, reluctantly, to eat (only due to Arcann's entreaties). She informed him, hesitantly, that he didn’t need to continue staying with her, if he had business of his own to attend to.

"I have no business more important than you, my love," he promptly replied, kissing her on the nose, and she soon went back to sleep in a haze of positive emotions.

That evening she woke again; he was awake, fiddling with his datapad, and she was draped across him, curled into his right side.

She smiled into his shirt; she wanted to feel more of his skin against hers, and she reached underneath to slide her hand across his chest.

Through their bond, she felt his surge of lust; his eyes flew to hers, and he set his datapad aside and started to sit up.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—" he began.

"But I did." She held his gaze as she lifted his shirt further, then leaned down to press kisses to his scarred skin.

He sucked in a breath. "Ailis, we shouldn't, you've been through too much—"

"Did you not help me heal?" she asked quietly, pulling at his shirt, and after a moment's hesitation, he let her remove it.

"I'm just…I'm not sure…"

"Arcann…" she leaned forward, put her mouth to his ear. "I need you."

He closed his eyes as her lips found his neck.

But then she slid her hand down, over his stomach; further, to rest lightly on his length, through his underwear. He gasped, and again she whispered into his ear. "I need you…inside me."

He practically growled. She closed her eyes on a satisfied smile when she felt his arousal pulse beneath her hand.

He made short work of the rest of their clothes, and for a moment she thought he would take her quickly, so they could both find release after the ordeal they'd been through.

But instead he was careful, patient. He moved down, between her legs; this time she reached down and opened herself to him, and the rush of desire that emanated from him made her bite her lip.

Without teasing or waiting, he lowered his lips to her heat, gently sliding his tongue inside, as his thumb lightly stroked her sensitive flesh. She whimpered, almost overcome by the sensation, and he pressed his mouth hard against her, his tongue delving deeper.

She pulled at her hot skin, spreading herself further. An eager groan escaped him, and the feeling of that noise against her wetness brought her climax, her body shaking against his mouth, heat contracting around his tongue as she cried out.

Slowly, almost reluctantly, he pulled away, wiping his mouth with a satisfied little smile.

Then he was above her, and the delicious warmth and weight of him in her arms made her sigh – this was what she needed. His body over, around, inside her, this was how her soul would heal.

But they hadn't been together often, and he still had to be a little careful; push in a few inches, withdraw, then push deeper. Her whimpers of pleasure encouraged him, and soon she gave a little cry as he buried himself fully inside her.

His arms slid around her, and he leaned down to kiss her forehead, then her cheek.

"I love you," he whispered raggedly, his voice almost breaking as he throbbed within her.

She gave a little hum, fingers clutching the hard muscles of his back. She could feel it – his emotions for her overflowed, washing over her through their connection, bathing her in his light. "I love you too…"

Then he slid out, and thrust in again, and any other words she might have spoken were lost as her body rose to accept him.

His movements were intense, purposeful, and her orgasm built slowly but forcefully in response, gradual waves rising, then ebbing, then rising again. Every time she felt one approach she whispered his name, pleading with him to move faster, to push her over the edge. But instead he would stop for a second or two and flex inside her, and soon she was almost sobbing with pleasure and anticipation.

Eventually it seemed he could take no more of this, any more than she could, and on her next deep breath he thrust into her, hard. Once, twice, and she shattered, a near wail escaping her lips as ecstasy raced through her body like liquid fire, lighting every nerve.

She shuddered in his arms as he gasped her name against her hair, finding his own release deep within her.

He held himself above her, but she pulled him down, wanting to feel his full weight for just a moment. He obliged her, and she smiled as he settled onto her for a moment. But he quickly rolled over, pulling her with him, laying her on his chest as he pulled the blankets back around them while they tried to catch their breath.

"How do you feel," he asked after several minutes of silence.

"Never better," she murmured, and he chuckled, stroking her back.

"Next time I do something stupid, I give you full permission to just put a Force shield in the door. You can even knock me out, if it's truly ridiculous…"

She giggled. "So last night I should have just knocked you out, is what you're saying?"

He grunted. "Probably."

"It's alright now, my love."

He closed his eyes and sighed, a slight smile curving his lips. "It is, isn't it?"

She gave a little hum of contentment, and settled more comfortably against him as she fell back to sleep.


	16. Bonus Chapter - 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been over a year since the incident with Lord Maltis. Ailis has been training with Vaylin, learning to control her new Force abilities. Minor incidents have occurred here and there, but nothing earth-shattering. Until this.

Ailis's head rested in Arcann's lap.

Sun filtered through verdant leaves, painting a dappled pattern that danced across warm skin.

But Ailis was cold. A chill that could not be dispelled, a silence that could never dissipate.

A shudder snuck through her, and Arcann winced, but kept his hand moving over her hair. She took a broken breath, held it for a moment, and then released it, slowly. Trying her best to release her pain along with the air that rushed out, but knowing she failed.

Logically, she knew she should use the Force to calm herself, stifle these recurring waves of despair and emptiness. Get back on her feet, get back to the base, distract herself with work.

But it seemed an affront to do so; stuffing down grief that was only too justified, shrinking the well of agony that seemed a fair enough response to her loss.

Her sister…the brightest light in the galaxy, the one who had always kept her grounded after her 'promotion' to Alliance Commander, who had always listened without criticism any time Ailis wanted to complain about the perils of the position.

This time, all the platitudes about being one with the Force meant nothing to her. Her sister was gone, and she was genuinely doubtful of whether she could keep functioning in a world where that brilliant star no longer existed.

Yet again the image surged to the forefront of her memory, the last time she'd seen her – that warm smile, her burnished copper hair, her ready laugh as they embraced.

Ailis choked and curled into Arcann's chest, her whole body tensing with grief, sucking in breaths that seemed to burn their way through her, never quite filling her lungs. Along with her heart, they could never be full again, not given such a hard and solid lack in her soul.

It was bad enough that Aoife was gone. Bad enough that she'd taken Ailis as an example, had died trying to be brave, sacrificed herself for others.

But the knife of despair was twisting even more fervently in Ailis's chest because…it was her fault.

If she'd brought Aoife to Odessen like she wanted, her little sister would still be here.

_Her…baby sister…_

 

Arcann flinched again, his own eyes rimmed red and raw, more from trying to hold back his grief than from actually letting it flow. He couldn't break down, no matter how agonizing it was to _experience_ the waves of profound, penetrating sorrow that radiated off of her, washing over him periodically, nearly drowning him in their depth.

He knew of her pain. Understood it all too well, although there had been no doubt, at the time, that Thexan's death was no one's fault but his own. His own lightsaber had dealt the killing blow.

An attack that, he later learned, had been nowhere near severe enough to kill his brother. Not without 'assistance' from their nemesis, their bane; their father.

But he had no such information then – nothing to convince him that he hadn't just murdered his twin, the other half of his soul, cut him down in a fit of rage.

Valkorion had thought he controlled everything, wielded supreme power over the lives of his children, and the rest of his subjects. But it was that moment, when Thexan fell, that Arcann could feel his insides turn to dust, his heart crumble, his soul wither. Then again, Valkorion had indeed engineered that incident…so perhaps he'd been correct in his assumption.

No one but Ailis knew what Thexan's death had done to him. Not even Senya, although she had some idea. Everything Arcann had become afterward; every command he'd heeded, every atrocity he'd committed, every life he'd taken. All of it was a sort of twisted monument to Thexan's absence. He'd finally proven himself a monster, become what his father wanted. All he could do was own his true nature, embrace it. Be the beast he'd been born as.

But none of that was important now – over the past year and more, Ailis had helped Arcann wade through the morass of his memories, had even insisted that they dig deeper, investigate to find the true cause of Thexan's death, convinced it could not be as cut and dry as it had seemed.  And she'd been right.

The weight of regret that had dissolved when he'd found out the truth was…astounding. And his adoration for her multiplied a hundredfold; she had already done so much for him, and now, for her to be the instrument that cleared this calamity from his conscience...it seemed almost impossible for him to love her more, but he did.

And almost immediately, within weeks, that weight had resettled onto her shoulders, instead – undeserved. There was no justice in the galaxy if such a horrifying thing could happen to his Ailis.

Her little sister was protected by Alliance guards ever since the incident with Darth Vilius. She'd been watched out for more discreetly, prior to that; various Republic friends checking in a little more frequently than was normal. Enough to make Aoife chafe at the surveillance, insisting she could take care of herself – especially once she moved offworld from Mirial.

Once she'd joined the crew of an anti-slaving ship, Ailis still kept tabs on her whereabouts; Aoife could never quite figure out how there was someone reporting back from virtually every port. Theron's doing, little though she knew it.

She'd asked more than once to come to her sister on Odessen, join the Alliance. But Ailis had refused. Ever since Vaylin had attacked the base…even though Vaylin was the opposite of a threat now, Ailis was nervous that such a thing could happen again.

She'd even been trying to get her sister back to Mirial; it was safe, away from the Core planets, and away from Odessen. But Aoife wouldn't dream of it – she relished the work she was doing, and balked at the idea of living with her parents again, although she still visited them often.

Ailis fretted for her younger sibling, mainly when she heard of some exploit of her crew – a dangerous slaver turned in for a bounty, or a group of slaves liberated from a powerful Hutt.

Aoife always assured the Commander that she and her cohorts were very cautious, not leaving anything to chance, quiet and cunning. They were much too wily to get caught, she said.

Until they weren't.

They'd gotten the call  yesterday. A trap, information leaked, highly secured files hacked. Theron was beside himself, taking nearly as much blame as the Commander, frantically searching the code to see if he'd missed anything, if something he'd done had led to the security breach.

Arcann still suspected one of the crew of turning them over for profit, but he had no facts to back this up, just a hunch and hearsay.

It didn't matter now, not when his love was inundated with the crushing weight of her loss.

But later, when it came time to lay true blame – Arcann almost felt sorry for the slaver who'd actually killed them.

Then again, no, he didn't. Not really. He deserved whatever punishment Ailis could come up with; Arcann would be happy to help with ideas.

 

Ailis got control of her labored breathing with great effort, stilling her shuddering sighs through sheer force of will. What little she could muster of it, anyway. She covered Arcann's hand with her own, where it rested against her face.

She knew her sister wouldn't want her to devolve into a shadow of herself, her spirit shaken so deeply that its outline wavered, insubstantial. Aoife would tell Ailis that her sister's strength was what inspired her to do good in the galaxy, and she couldn't just leave that behind because something bad happened.

Something _bad_ …something soul-shattering. Something heart-rending. Something impossible to recover from.

But she couldn't just…waste away. She had responsibilities; people depended on her. She _must_ recover.

She raised her head, looked at Arcann's face for the first time in what seemed like days. He'd been so patient, so compassionate, and yet so solid and reassuring; she knew he must be suffering a great deal of what she was, given their bond. She hadn't considered it until this moment, as buried in grief as she'd been.

"I'm sorry, I've been unfair to you, I should have—"

"Hush."

She would have smiled at any other time. As it was, she relaxed against him again, this time with her head on his shoulder. "Thank you."

He kissed her forehead. "Not necessary. You needed me."

She gave a little nod. He was so kind…sometimes she wished others could see this side of him; more than what little he allowed, anyway. But then again, she didn't really mind having this to herself.

Aoife would have loved him so much, and she'd barely even gotten to meet him.

Her breath hitched. If she'd just let Aoife come here, she'd still be alive. They could have spent more time together, they could have—

"My love, _please_ , do not—"

She wrapped her arms around him, and dissolved again.


	17. Bonus Chapter - 2

"Look, this is _my_ fault, and you need to let me fix it, Commander—"

"Theron! This is a direct order, and I am well aware how fond you are of completely ignoring me but this time you will do as I say, is that clear?"

Theron flinched, utterly unused to such a tone from the Alliance Commander. But after what had happened earlier that year…he felt too guilty to argue too much. Twice as guilty, now…

"Y-yes…"

She seemed to sag against the table. "Good. Thank you."

"Ailis, please, I'm asking as your friend, do not do this. You don't know these people!" He had to try one last time.

Her eyes glistened for a moment, the lights of the planning room reflected in the gleam. This time, when she replied, her voice wavered, walking the edge of composure. "I soon will. I have to do this, Theron."

"You're behaving like a Sith," Lana chimed in, a last-ditch attempt to make the Commander see reason. "It's not very Jedi-like to go after someone for revenge, no matter the impetus."

"I know what you're doing, Lana, and it won't work. You know very well I haven't associated with the Jedi in some time. Your needling is meaningless."

 _For what it's worth,_ whispered a breath in the back of her head, _I agree with you. But don't go getting yourself killed. I would be…perturbed._ Vaylin didn't speak to her that often, now; she tried her best to maintain her distance from the base, and Ailis sensed that her presence seemed a little weaker, of late…

Lana cocked her head. "Vaylin's encouraging you, isn't she."

Ailis permitted herself a small, empty smile. "Of course."

Lana put a hand to her forehead. "At least take us with you. Take _me_ with you – Theron's not recovered enough yet."

"As if I give a shit about my health at this point, Lana!" Theron cut in, tone liberally laced with anger and regret. "The only way they got to her—"

"Theron! Do not. Make me Force-muzzle you," Lana interrupted, her voice low and hard, hands curled into fists at her side.

Ailis stared at Lana for a minute. "I don't think it's a good idea, Lana. We both know you run the base when I'm not here…and sometimes when I _am_ here."

Lana sighed, unable to argue this.

"I'll take Senya."

"And Arcann, of course?"

"Of course." She rarely went on missions without him; Vaylin had been instrumental in weeding out some of her brother's detractors – probably hoping that Ailis would come after them with her newfound Force Lightning, but instead she merely used psychological tactics to win them over. Vaylin was disappointed, but overall she didn’t complain much. At least Arcann was mostly accepted, now, across the Alliance.

"Fine," Lana allowed, although it was obvious it cost her. "But keep in touch with us. I'll handle things here, and Theron will get you into their compound, but I strongly request that you not 'go dark', as you are wont to do."

Ailis pursed her lips together, this time to repress a genuine smile – an expression seen few and far between over the past few days. Little did Lana know – or maybe she did – why Ailis would occasionally go off the grid temporarily when out on missions with Arcann…

"Yes, my lord."

"Stop calling me that."

"Of course, my lord."

"Well I'm happy to see you're back to yourself a bit, at least." Lana rolled her eyes and left to make preparations for Ailis's journey.

The Commander turned back to her other adviser. 

"You've grown quiet Theron…I assume you still disapprove?"

He glanced up from his determined perusal of the floor. "Of course I do. But…"

He swallowed, and Ailis tilted her head to one side. "What else is bothering you?"

"Maybe you should find someone else to help you get in."

"Are you _that_ against it?"

"No, that's not it, I just…" He rubbed his eyes. "What if I make a mistake? Another…mistake?"

"You haven't made any mistakes, Theron – well, I take that back, there was one rather big one, of course, but—"

"That was a calculated risk and look at what we found out, you said yourself—"

"Theron. Hush. I was just joking – we've already been over this, and we needn't do so again now. The point is…I trust you."

"I'm not sure if that's wise. We still can't be sure I didn't cause the leak that—"

"I _am_ sure."

He sighed, shook his head. He always seemed reluctant to bear people's faith in him. But when he looked back at her, his eyes seemed a little brighter. "Thank you."

***

That night, Ailis lay awake, Arcann's left arm a welcome chill against her back, her quarters a little too warm after their exertions. She had been too overwhelmed for lovemaking for several days, but tonight she'd needed the emotional connection, the reassurance she felt in his embrace. Sometimes it seemed that was the only place she could find peace. But the galaxy needed her – always needed her, a never ending string of disasters and incidents that required her attention.

Would it ever be over? Or would she die without knowing what it was like to just…exist, with him? Without having another galactic catastrophe to resolve? Their time together relegated to evenings in their quarters that were always liable to be interrupted…dinners cut short by an urgent message or a summons to the War Room…

She didn't know why she'd become so…exhausted with it all, lately. Even before Aoife…she'd begun to feel confined. Trapped.

But it was her duty to continue helping the galaxy, that was the point of the Alliance, the cause that she had started! But had she? Was it really _her_ choice to become the leader of such a potent galactic power? On par with the Supreme Chancellor, or the Sith Empress? She'd never intended such a thing…

She may have gone head-to-head with Vitiate, and again with Valkorion, but she was still just a person. A Jedi, by training at least, but not some powerful being.

Long ago, fifteen years now, when she'd been young and idealistic and headstrong, she'd been determined to become a Jedi, after that Sith had attacked her and her sister. She would help people, protect them, she vowed. Becoming a Jedi would give her the ability to do that, on a much bigger scale than just hanging around her village on Mirial, tending to sick and injured locals.

But she'd seen so much since then. She'd lost friends, family – and now, her most important family of all. She'd learned, the _very_ hard way, that sometimes people didn’t listen to reason. Sometimes the solution just couldn't be found. Sometimes people died, and there was nothing you could do about it. Not with the best intentions, not with Force abilities, not with an entire Alliance at your back.

She was distracted from her dark musings when Arcann turned over, pulling her over him. She hadn't noticed how much she'd cooled off, and was grateful when he pulled the blanket over them both.

"I can feel you worrying," he murmured, and with her head against his shoulder – where it belonged – the rumble of his voice was a soothing reminder that she wasn't alone in this.

"I'm sorry I woke you."

"Are you concerned about what we plan to do? Or something else?"

She smiled against the warmth of his neck, then kissed it. He hadn't even hesitated when she told him her intentions, immediately supporting her, knowing this was necessary.

"I suppose. But…both of us have done stupider, more dangerous things…"

"Remember that time you dropped a building on me?" he asked conversationally.

"Mmm…remember the time I sat in a creepy chair on an abandoned planet and pushed a button whose function was a mystery?" she teased.

"Don't remind me, I was beside myself…"

"The point is, I think we'll be okay. I just…I wish we could take a vacation. I wish I could have time to go visit my parents, instead of just talking to them on the holo. I wish I had the luxury of actually processing what's happened…"

He was silent, and she worried for a moment that she'd said too much.

"Ailis…"

His tone of voice made her raise up a little so she could look at him. He brushed tangled hair away from her face.

"Every time we go to some other planet…not Nar Shaddaa, or Coruscant, but…remote places, where it's quiet…I remember."

She leaned into his hand, and waited for him to continue.

"I remember Yavin 4, how peaceful it was out there on your property, even though someone was – even then – trying to kill us."

She gave a short laugh.

"And every single time, I think about not coming back."

She sat up a little straighter, her elbow beneath her. "You…you what?"

"I think about what it might be like, to just…disappear, with you, to leave all this, to stay in some nowhere village on a planet in your Outer Rim."

She kissed him then, unable to believe that he'd shared this desire, imagined the same thing. Sometimes she wondered if their thoughts influenced one another's, since their bond was so strong – but when they argued, she was reminded that they each had minds of their own, and while they could affect each other, they definitely weren't sharing a psyche.

"I wish we could," she spoke fervently when she finally drew back. "Even just…for a while."

He nodded. "I know it is impossible, but I consider it, all the same."

She relaxed against him again. "Perhaps someday, my love."

His arms tightened around her. As she drifted to sleep, she somehow felt comforted. Even though they had no prospect of achieving it, at least they held the same desire in their dreams.


End file.
